英语笑话听力+文本：MOSES & JESUS 摩西和耶稣

A burglar breaks into a house. He sees a CD player that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears a voice JESUS is watching you. He looks around with his flashlight wandering What The HELL Was That?. He spots some $ on a table and takes it......Once aga

英语笑话听力+文本：The best answer 最佳答案

A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out? The winning reply was: The one nearest the exit. 一份报纸组织了一场

英语笑话听力+文本：Mommy is hitting the bottle

A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the bottle. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year-old daughter to answer the phone. The child said, Mommy can't come to the phone right now. She's hitting the bottle. 一个

英语笑话听力+文本：from America 它们是从美国带来的

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the mon

英语笑话听力+文本：An absent-minded professor 健忘教授

No doubt about it, my fellow monk, Father Martin, was a bit of an absent-minded professor. He often filled in for sick priests at other parishes, and one Saturday he found himself on a train to a new destination, frantically searching his pockets for

英语笑话听力+文本：When a Tiger comes老虎来了

Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a distance, running towards them. One of the guys takes out a pair of Nikes from his bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprised look and exclaims, Do y

英语笑话听力+文本：Six or Twelve?六还是十二?

A blonde went into a pizza parlor. When she said that shed like a medium pizza, the clerk asked her how many pieces shed like to have it cut into: six or twelve. Oh, goodness, six please, said the blonde. I dont think I could ever eat twelve. 一位金

英语笑话听力+文本：Blind Date相亲

After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.When he returned to the table, he lowered his eye

英语笑话听力+文本：Pink Suit Sale 粉红西装卖出去了

When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him. Guess what, sir? the clerk said. I finally sold that terrible, ugly su

英语笑话听力+文本：No Problem 没问题

A bald man took a seat in a beauty shop. How can I help you? asked the stylist. I went for a hair transplant, the guy explained, but I couldn't stand the pain. If you can make my hair look like yours without causing me any discomfort, I'll pay you $5

英语笑话听力+文本：Five Hundred Times 五百遍

In the traffic court of a large mid-western city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of

英语笑话听力+文本：Your horse called 马打电话

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan. He asks, What was that for? She says, I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it. He says, Jeez, honey,

英语笑话听力+文本：Life after death 死后重生

Do you believe in life after death? the boss asked one of his employees. Yes, Sir. the new recruit replied.Well, then, that makes everything just fine, the boss went on. After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped

英语笑话听力+文本：It worked 真的有效

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor, the doctor gave him a pill and told him to take it

英语笑话听力+文本：How could anyone stoop so low?

Our manager at the restaurant where I worked was a much beloved, jovial man. But there was one subject you didn't dare discuss in front of him -- his height. Or, should I say, his lack of it. One day, he stormed through the door and announced angrily

英语笑话听力+文本：I'm sure it is fresh 我保证它很新鲜

A new restaurant opened in our town, so my husband, Walter, and I decided to try it. As the waitress took our order, Walter asked if the coffee was fresh. I'm sure it is, answered the waitress. We've only been open two weeks. 镇上开了家新餐馆，

英语笑话听力+文本：Shave head 刮头

Recently, a man walked into my barbershop asking how much for a haircut. Eight dollars, I answered. And for a shave? Five dollars. All right, he said, settling into the barber chair. Shave my head. 前些日子，有一男的来到我的理发店，问

英语笑话听力+文本：Speeding 超速

Traveling salesmen make their living visiting as many customers as possible. So speeding to get from one appointment to the next is not unheard-of. Which is how I got pulled over by a highway patrolman. Don't you ever look at the speedometer? the off

英语笑话听力+文本：一睡醒你就被炒鱿鱼了

Our co-worker went missing for a few hours, and we tore up the place looking for him. The boss finally found him fast asleep. Rather than wake him, he quietly placed a note on the man's chest. As long as you're asleep, it read, you have a job. But as

英语笑话听力+文本：Endearing terms 可爱的称呼

Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, That is really nice, that after a