英语笑话：English Joke - Call Me a Taxi

A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi. B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.

英语笑话听力+文本：Stop or slow down(停止还是减速)

[00:33.58]cop 警察，巡警 [00:38.14]run a stop sign 闯停车指示牌 [00:43.83]grief 悲痛，忧伤 [00:49.22]give somebody grief 欺负某人，伤某人的心，找某人的茬 [00:57.74]slow down 减速 [01:03.83]A cop stopped a man for run

英语笑话听力+文本：Nobody available(谁都没空)

[00:19.37]I was going to bed the other night [00:21.94]when my wife told me [00:23.77]that I had left the light on in the shed. [00:27.59]She could see from the bedroom window. [00:30.27]As I looked for myself, [00:32.41]I saw that there were people

英语笑话听力+文本：Talking clock(会说话的钟)

[00:19.74]While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, [00:23.84]a college student led the way into the den. [00:27.10]What is the big brass gong and hammer for? [00:30.25]one of his friends asked. [00:32.16]That is the talking clock, the

英语笑话听力+文本：Endearing terms(可爱的称呼)

[00:19.82]Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. [00:23.50]Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife [00:27.40]by endearing terms, [00:29.06]calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. [00:34.17]Bernie looked at Morr

英语笑话听力+文本：你可以跟他们中的任何一个人结婚

One day a girl brings home her boyfriend [00:25.52]and tells her father she wants to marry him. [00:28.60]After talking to him for a while, [00:31.22]he tells his daughter she can't do it [00:33.67]because he's her half brother. [00:36.69]The same pr

英语笑话听力+文本：Bad news and good news(好消息和坏消息)

An artist asked the gallery owner [00:23.29]if there had been any interest [00:25.29]in his paintings currently on display. [00:28.00]I've got good news and bad news, [00:30.03]the owner replied. [00:31.42]The good news is that [00:32.56]a gentleman

英语笑话听力+文本：不要听信山鸡的话

【英文原文】 A boy found an eagles egg and he put it in the nest of a prairie chicken. The eagle hatched and thought he was a chicken. He grew up doing what prairie chickens do scratching at the dirt for food and flying short distances with a n

英语笑话听力+文本：Your horse called(你的马打电话来了)

A guy is reading his paper [00:20.69]when his wife walks up behind him [00:23.18]and smacks him [00:23.99]on the back of the head [00:25.12]with a frying pan. [00:26.85]He asks, What was that for? [00:29.28]She says, [00:30.66]I found a piece of pape

英语笑话听力+文本：I hung him up to dry(我把他吊起来让他晾干)

[00:15.33]I hung him up to dry [00:17.32]我把他吊起来让他晾干 [00:20.62]Jim and Mary were both patients [00:22.66]in a Mental Hospital. [00:24.32]One day while they were walking [00:26.10]by the hospital swimming pool, [00:27.93]Jim suddenl

英语笑话听力+文本：Five Hundred Times(五百遍)

[00:14.05]Five Hundred Times [00:15.50]五百遍 [00:17.47]In the traffic court [00:18.29]of a large mid-western city, [00:20.54]a young lady [00:21.58]was brought before the judge [00:23.14]to answer a ticket [00:24.48]given her [00:25.30]for drivin

英语笑话听力+文本：Pink Suit Sale(粉红西装卖出去了)

[00:15.54]Pink Suit Sale [00:17.35]粉红西装卖出去了！ [00:20.34]When the store manager [00:21.43]returned from lunch, [00:22.78]he noticed his clerk's hand [00:24.43]was bandaged, [00:25.64]but before he could ask [00:27.03]about the bandage

英语笑话听力+文本：Billing- 账单

[00:31.14]ailment 小病小痛 [00:34.07]exasperated 使生气或不耐烦 [00:39.08]英文原文 [00:41.05]A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. [00:44.38]Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people [00:48.08]describing their ai

英语笑话听力+文本：Boring lectures无聊的课

Boring lectures One of my favorite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau is known for his droll sense of humor. Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class, he said, Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring

英语笑话听力+文本：Pretend Doctor假医生

[00:28.59]pretend [pri'tend] 假装 [00:31.88]concerning [k?n's?:ni?] 关于 [00:35.03]portray [p?:'trei] 描绘 [00:38.67]shock [??k] 冲击 [00:42.21]英文原文 [00:44.10]For several years, my job was to answer all viewer phone calls [00:47.95]an

英语笑话听力+文本：St Peter's question(圣彼德的问题)

Three men, a doctor, an accountant [00:25.69]and a lawyer are dead [00:27.61]and they appear in front of St Peter. [00:30.37]St Peter tells them [00:31.83]that they have to answer one question [00:33.74]in order to get to Heaven. [00:35.66]He looks a

英语笑话听力+文本：开卷考试

[00:14.40]Open-book exam [00:16.57]开卷考试 [00:19.54]ON THE DAY of our final exam [00:22.15]at my Community College [00:23.98]in Santa Maria, Calif., [00:26.66]we heard that the bookstore [00:28.39]had changed its policy [00:30.63]and would buy

英语笑话听力+文本："哪个车胎爆了?which tire was flat?"

[00:10.46]Which tire was flat 哪个车胎爆了？ [00:21.81]词汇扫描 [00:25.81]Community 社区 [00:29.33]Flat tire 爆胎 [00:33.11]Understanding 通情达理的 [00:38.99]英文原文 [00:39.78]Four students walked in halfway through the Amer

英语笑话听力+文本：taking attendance "(文学课)点名"

[00:13.67]Taking attendance [00:15.96]点名 [00:18.55]On my first day of classes at my University [00:22.14]I took a front-row seat in my literature course. [00:26.36]The professor told us [00:28.13]we would be responsible for reading five books, [0

英语笑话听力+文本：No rush"别着急,我已经做了7年了"

[00:13.70]No rush [00:15.50]别着急 [00:18.16]AS STUDENTS in the college of veterinary medicine [00:21.90]at Texas A amp; M University, [00:24.73]we frequently treated the farm animals [00:27.44]at the state prison. [00:29.48]While awkwardly perfor