伍迪单口相声精选 第12期:欧洲之旅European Trip

 　　I have been in Europe for the last six months making a film called What's New Pussycat, starring Peter O'Toole and Peter Sellers and myself, in that order.

　　过去六个月里，我一直在欧洲拍一部叫《怎么了猫咪》【1】的电影，由彼得·奥图尔、彼得·赛勒斯和我主演，按这个顺序。
　　And it's the first time in my life, that I ever acted in anything like that. I have acted before, but I don't count it, many many years ago I was the nursery school play, when I was a child.
　　对我来说是生平第一次，以前我还从没像那样表演过。我以前也有表演，但那不能算，很多很多年以前，在我小时候，我在幼儿园里表演过。
　　I played the part of Stanley Kowalski in the school play of A Streetcar Named Desire, and I was one of the great five years old Stanleys.
　　我出演过幼儿园排的《欲望号街车》里的斯坦利·科瓦尔斯基一角【2】，在最棒的五岁斯坦利当中，有我一个。
　　And I wrote the film, and it's an autobiographically movie. It's based on the experiences of a great ladies man and I...you're laughing?
　　我写了这电影，这是一部自传体的电影，取材于某位大情圣的经历，还有我……你们笑什么？
　　It so happens, on my honeymoon 2 night my wife stopped in the middle of everything to give me a standing 3 ovation 4.
　　这些都发生过，在我的蜜月之夜，我妻子跟我做到一半，就对我长时间起立鼓掌。
　　Yes, as a matter of fact, you should know the etymology 5 of how I got to Europe in the first place, which is fascinating.
　　是的，事实上你们的确应该先了解一下这事的来龙去脉，我是如何去的欧洲，这真的很有意思。
　　I was appearing in Greenwich Village at a coffee house in Bleeker street called the Integration 6 Bagle Shop and Flea 7 Parlor 8.
　　我当时现身于格林尼治村布里克街上的一家咖啡屋，名叫“大融合百吉饼屋及宠物跳蚤店”【3】。
　　I was the master of ceremonies on the bed, y'know, and I was on with real Greenwich Village acts, y'know, myself and an eskimo vocalist, who sang Night and Day six months at a time.
　　我是床上仪式的专家，我做地道的格林尼治村式的表演，由我和一位爱斯基摩声乐家合作，他每隔六个月演唱一次《日日夜夜》【4】。
　　A little blond girl with a child by a future marriage, y'know, adorable, and in walks one night mr. Feldman, our producer, and he just adored me on sight.
　　还有个金发姑娘和一个未来婚姻带给她的孩子，非常可爱。有天晚上我们的制片人费尔德曼先生走了进来，他一看见我就喜欢上了我。
　　He thought I was attractive and sensual and good-looking, y'know, and just made for motion pictures.
　　他认为我很有吸引力，性感又英俊，天生就是拍电影的料。
　　He is a little short man with red hair and glasses.
　　他是个小矮个儿，红色头发，戴副眼镜【5】。
　　He asked me if I ever wrote anything before, and I have been a television writer for years, and I wrote a three-act versed 9 tragedy about a veterinarian faith healer, who restored speech to a parrot, y'know.
　　他问我以前有没有写过什么东西。我已经为电视节目写了很多年，我用诗体写过一部三幕悲剧，讲的是一个信心理疗兽医，他使一只鹦鹉恢复了说话本领。
　　And I also wrote a short story about my first year of marriage, which Alfred Hitchcock showed interest in for a while.
　　我也写过有关我婚姻第一年生活的一个短篇，有一阵子引起了阿尔弗雷德·希区柯克的兴趣。
　　And he flies me out to Europe, absolutely all expenses paid, TWA flight, y'know, movie on the flight and everything.
　　他让我飞到欧洲去，所有费用绝对都由他出，环球航空公司的航班，飞机上还可以看电影等等。
　　Irene Dunne in The Life of Emelia Earhart, y'know,...sitting shaking on the plane, y'know.
　　放的是艾琳·邓恩主演的《阿米莉娅·艾尔哈特传》【6】，看得我在飞机上直打哆嗦。
　　And I meet a girl at my European analyst 10's. I have to explain this: I was going to a European analyst, that meant a European boy can see my analyst for six months, y'know. The neurotic 11 exchange program.
　　我在我的欧洲精神分析师那里认识了一个女孩。这个我需要解释一下：我去看一位欧洲的精神分析师，这意味着一个欧洲男孩可以去看我的精神分析师，为期六个月，这叫神经病交换项目。
　　And I invite her up to my hotel. I get all ready for our dinner date, y'know, I anoint myself completely, I beat my body with auto 1 wrenches 12.
　　我邀请她去我住的旅馆。我为我们的晚餐约会做了充分的准备，我浑身上下都抹了油，并用自动扳手抽打我的身体【7】。
　　I throw an ample light on me, to make me look really effective.
　　我给自己打上充足的光线，使我看上去效果极强。
　　Two little backlights to give me the illusion of three dimensions, a baby spot to pick out the brown in my eyes, and I put on my mood music records, y'know, my Arthur Godfrey Hawaiian music.
　　两盏小小的后景灯使我变成了三维的幻象，小型聚光灯突出了我褐色的眼睛。我还放上轻柔音乐的唱片，我的亚瑟·戈弗雷【8】夏威夷音乐。
　　She had invited me over to her place, but I didn't want to log the lights and everything, y'know, so...and...oh!
　　她之前邀请过我去她的地方，但是我不想搬运那些灯之类的东西，所以??噢！
　　I didn't dress properly, this was partially 13 my fault, I know how to dress better now, but I was not a good dresser a short while ago.
　　我穿得不太合适，某种程度上那是我的错，现在我知道如何更得体地穿着了，但不久之前我还不怎么会。
　　You don't wear argyle with dark blue. I had on dark blue socks and an argyle suit.
　　你不能用多色菱形花纹来配暗蓝色，可我穿着暗蓝色的袜子和多色菱形花纹的套装。
　　I looked like a farmer, y'know, and my radiator 14 breaks and the hotel room is absolutely freezing, and I'm ashamed, y'know, because she is going to come into a cold room.
　　看上去像个乡巴佬。我的暖气片裂了，旅馆房间里冻得要死，我很不好意思，因为她一过来会觉得房间里很冷。
　　So I go into the bathroom and I turn on the hot water in the shower, which is an old Brooklyn trick to heat the apartment.
　　于是我走到卫生间，把淋浴器的热水打开，这是布鲁克林人加热住所用的老诀窍。
　　And hot water comes down and billows of steam come into the living room.
　　热水流淌、热浪滚滚，蒸汽涌进了客厅。
　　And ice cold air is seeping 15 in under the windowsill and the two fronts meet in the living room, and it starts to rain in my hotel room.
　　冰冷的空气从窗沿下渗透进来，冷热锋在客厅里遭遇，在我旅馆的房间里下开了雨。
　　I'm standing there in the rain, and I did not do well with the girl.
　　我就站在雨里，和姑娘的约会也泡汤了。
　　Europe for me, as a matter of fact, was a series of near misses.
　　事实上，欧洲对我来说就是一系列的死里逃生。
　　I was at a cast party with our cast, and I was in the corner and I was playing the vibes, very sexy like a jazz musician - up and down.
　　我参加了有我们剧组演员的聚会，我在角落里演奏着振荡琴【9】，非常性感，像个爵士音乐家那样，一上一下。
　　And a great girl comes up behind me, really elaborate, and she says to me "You play vibes?"
　　有个很棒的女孩走到我后面，真的很精致，她对我说：“你会玩振荡琴【10】？”
　　I say, "Yeah, it helps me sublimate 16 me sexual tensions."
　　我说：“是啊，有助于升华我的性焦虑。”
　　She says "Why don't you let me help you sublimate your sexual tensions.", so I figured "Great", y'know, "here's a girl who plays vibes."
　　她说：“为什么不让我来帮助你升华你的性焦虑呢？”我想：“太好了。”你知道，“这下有个女孩会玩振荡器了。”
　　I turned quickly and asked her out for a date, but Peter O'Toole, who's in the movie, asked her out first - aces 17 me out, y'know - and she was a beautiful girl, so I said to her "Could you bring a sister for me?", and she did: Sister Maria Teresa.
　　我马上转身约她和我一起出去，但是彼得·奥图尔，他也在剧组里，已经先约了她——抢占了先机——她是个漂亮姑娘，所以我对她说：“你能给我介绍个姐妹吗？”她介绍了：玛丽亚·特丽莎嬷嬷。
　　It was a very slow night, y'know. We discussed the New Testament 18, y'know.
　　这是极其漫长的一夜，我们讨论了《新约全书》【11】。
　　We agreed that He was extremely well adjusted, for an only child.
　　我们都同意对于一个独生孩子来说，他（耶稣·基督）相当有出息。
　　【1】由伍迪·艾伦编剧、克莱夫·唐纳和理查德·塔尔马吉导演，是伍迪的银幕处女秀（1965年）。[qh]
　　【2】田纳西·威廉斯的戏剧，在同名电影中的这个角色由马龙·白兰度饰演。[qh]
　　【3】“integration”有将不同种族和宗教信仰的人融合在一起、消除种族间的歧视的意思，而百吉饼是犹太人的传统食物；“宠物跳蚤店”可能是暗讽该店的卫生状况。
　　【4】《日日夜夜》是科尔·波特创作的最著名流行歌曲之一，写于1932年。处于北极圈内的爱斯基摩人有半年是白天、半年是黑夜。
　　【5】在说他自己。
　　【6】阿米莉娅·玛丽·艾尔哈特，美国著名的女航空先驱和作家，她创造了单人飞越大西洋等的许多飞行记录，1937年做环球飞行时在太平洋豪兰岛附近失踪。显然电影是伍迪杜撰的。
　　【7】可能想模拟受难仪式。
　　【8】亚瑟·莫顿·利奥·戈弗雷美国五六十年代著名的电台和电视台节目主播。
　　【9】爵士乐里经常用的打击乐器，形状像木琴或钟琴，但用的是金属片，还有共振器用来产生颤音。
　　【10】又可以理解为振荡器。
　　【11】不被犹太人接受的《圣经》部分。