伍迪单口相声精选 第20期:纽约大学N.Y.U.

 　　I used to go to New York University a long time ago, which is in Greenwich Village, that's where I started, and I was, ah, in love in my freshman 1 year.

　　很久以前我曾就读于纽约大学，它位于格林尼治村，在那里当我大一的时候我开始……我坠入了情网。
　　But I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time. She was an atheist 2, and I was an agnostic, y'know.
　　不过我没有和我爱上的第一个女孩结婚，因为那时我们之间产生了巨大的信仰冲突：她是个无神论者，而我是不可知论者。
　　We didn't know which religion not to bring the children up in.
　　我们不知道在未来孩子的成长过程中，不应该让他们接受哪一种信仰。
　　And I bummed 3 around for a long time, and I met my wife, and we got married against my parents' wishes, we were married in Long Island, in New York, we were married by a reformed rabbi in Long Island, a very reformed rabbi, a nazi 4.
　　我东游西荡了很长一段时间，后来遇到了我妻子，我们违背我父母的意愿而结了婚，我们在纽约长岛结婚，婚礼由长岛的一位改革派的拉比主持，极度的改革派拉比，他是纳粹。
　　It was a very nice affair, y'know, really good, and right after the wedding, my wife started turning weird 5. She went to Hunter College, and she got into the philosophy department at Hunter, and she started dressing 6 with black clothes and no make-up, and leotards, y'know, and she pierced her ears one day with a conductors punch, y'know.
　　那是段很美好的恋情，真的很好，不过婚礼一结束后，我妻子就开始变得怪怪的。她去上了亨特学院【1】，在亨特她入的是哲学系。她开始身着黑色衣服，不再化妆，穿紧身连衣裤。有一天她甚至用乘务员用的打孔机给自己穿了耳洞。
　　And she used to involve me in deep philosophical 7 arguments, and then prove I didn't exist, y'know...infuriating.
　　她还把我拖入很深刻的哲学论题中，然后再证明我这人不存在，很让人恼火。
　　And I had to let her go, was what happened, and I had to tell my parents about it.
　　既然到了这一步，我只能让她离开了。我必须向我父母汇报这事。
　　And my parents are what you used to call 'old world'.
　　我父母是你们说的“旧大陆”【2】的那种人。
　　My parents come from Brooklyn, which is the heart of the old world.
　　我父母来自于布鲁克林，那里就是“旧大陆”的中心。
　　They're very stable down-to-earth people, who don't approve of divorce.
　　他们都是一成不变的踏踏实实的人，他们不赞成离婚。
　　Their values in life are God and carpeting.
　　他们一生的价值观就是上帝和地毯。
　　I came home on a Sunday, this was a long time ago, my father's watching television Sunday night, he's watching Ed Sullivan Show, on television, he's watching the Indiana Home for the Criminally Insane Glee Club on the Ed Sullivan Show.
　　我在一个周日回到家里，那已是很久以前的事了。我父亲看着周日晚上的电视节目，他正在看电视里的“爱德·沙利文秀”，他正在看节目里放着的“印第安纳精神病罪犯合唱团之家”。
　　And my mother is in the corner, knitting a chicken, y'know.
　　我母亲坐在角落里，正编织着一只鸡。
　　And I'd said that I would have to get a divorce, my mother put down her knitting, and she got up, and she went over to the furnace, and she opened the door, and she got in. Took it rather badly, I felt.
　　我说我打算离婚。我母亲放下手中的织物，站起身走向炉子。她打开炉门，钻了进去。看来她实在接受不了这事。
　　【1】纽约城市大学属下的一所高级学院，位于曼哈顿上东区。
　　【2】相对于“新大陆（New World）”，即美洲和澳洲大陆（特别是美洲），“旧大陆”一般是指哥伦布时代之前的欧亚及非洲大陆。