伍迪单口相声精选 第8期:不幸福的童年Unhappy Childhood

 　　I was talking about this on TV last week. I escape always into a rich fantasy life, that comes from an unhappy childhood.

　　上周我就在电视里谈论过这个。我总是逃离现实生活而沉浸于绚丽多姿的幻界，这是由于我不幸福的童年导致的。
　　I come from a poor family. My father worked at Coney Island. He had a concession 1 on the boardwalk, where you knock over milk bottles with baseballs, which I could never do for my entire childhood.
　　我来自于一个贫穷的家庭。我父亲在科尼岛上工作，他在博德沃克大街上经营着一小块游乐场，就是那种你可以在里面拿着棒球击倒牛奶瓶的地方。可是在我整个童年中，我一次也没有击倒过。
　　There was a tidal wave at Coney Island, when I was a child, ripped up the boardwalk and did about a million dollars worth of damage, houses and everything.
　　有一次巨浪冲上了科尼岛，那时我还是个孩子，冲毁了整条博德沃克大街，造成了约一百万美元的损失，房屋等等的一切被冲个干净。
　　The only thing left standing 2 was those little milk bottles, y'know.
　　你知道，唯一屹立不倒的东西就是那些小小的奶瓶。
　　I was, I would say, over-disciplined which is really humiliating. I had to be home nine thirty, prom night.
　　可以这么说，我被管教得过于服服帖帖，这真的很丢人。我必须九点半回家，还是毕业舞会的晚上。
　　I made a reservation at the Copa Cabana for five o'clock.
　　我在“科巴卡巴纳夜总会”预订了一个五点钟的桌子。
　　I took my date and we watched them set up.
　　我带着约好的女生去那里，看他们布置场地。
　　I was, as a matter of fact, when I think of it, terrorized as an adolescent. I was not that young when it happened, I was...I guess about thirteen or so at the time, and was on my way to an amateur music contest.
　　说实话，回想起那件事我当时真的吓坏了，我还是个青少年，也不算很小了，我想当时大概十三岁左右，事情发生在我去参加业余音乐比赛的路上。
　　And, my family is musical, you should know that, my father used to play the tuba as a young man, he tried to play the tuba, he tried to play "Flight of the Bumblebee", and blew his liver out through the horn.
　　我们家很喜欢音乐，你们应该知道，我父亲在他年轻的时候吹过大号，他想学吹大号，他想吹《野蜂飞舞》，差点没把肝脏从喇叭口吹出来。
　　Now I'm on the subway with my clarinet Jerry jazz musician style, unwrapped and everything, and these twelve guys come running through the subway. Really hairy-knuckled types, y'know, raced through there.
　　我当时正坐在地铁里，带着我的单簧管，学着杰瑞爵士音乐家的样子。这时有十二个家伙在地铁上跑了过来，真的是那种连指关节上都长毛的家伙，争先恐后。
　　Apparently 3 they just come from a settlement house, y'know' as they were dribbling 4 a social worker as they went through the car.
　　显然他们是刚从“社团之家”【1】出来，你知道，因为当他们跑过车厢时，拿一个社会义工当运球玩。
　　They stop right over me, y'know, because I was conspicuous 5, 'cause I had just eaten a sea-food lunch, I had forgotten to remove the lobster 6 bib, y'know.
　　他们到我跟前就停住了，因为我看上去比较抢眼，因为我中饭刚吃了海鲜，忘了把围兜摘下来。
　　So I looked like a farmer with a fat tie, y'know, with Neptune 7 on it.
　　因此我看起来就像个乡巴佬，戴着一条硕大的领带，上面还画着海神尼普顿。
　　They stand over me, they start cursing and smoking and tearing up seats, y'know.
　　他们站在我旁边，开始骂骂咧咧，一边抽着烟一边撕扯坐垫。
　　I don't say anything, y'know, I just sit there, look down, continue reading 'Heidi'.
　　我一声不响坐在那里，低着头，继续读我的《海蒂》【2】。
　　All of a sudden the leader puts his finger under my neck, like this, and goes...
　　突然之间，他们的头目把手指放到了我脖子下面，就像这样，然后一提。
　　I got up. He snapped his knee up, quickly, and I refused to give him the satisfaction of doubling over.
　　我站起身。他弯曲膝盖，猛地一抬，动作非常快。我拒绝朝前弯下身子，让他看我的笑话。
　　But I did one of the greatest imitations of Lily Ponds, you've ever heard. I hit an M over high C.
　　不过我的确发出了你可能听到过的最厉害的对莉丽·庞斯【3】的模仿。我触到了高音C之上的M调。
　　Showed up an hour late for the music contest. Came in second anyhow.
　　音乐比赛迟到了一个小时，不过我仍然拿了个第二。
　　I won two weeks at Interfaith Camp, where I was sadistically beaten by boys of all races and creeds 8.
　　我赢得了参加两周“信仰交互营”【4】的机会，在那里我被所有不同种族和不同信仰的男孩们暴打。
　　【1】英国和美国的社会慈善组织，举办社交、教育和艺术等的活动。
　　【2】瑞士儿童文学女作家约翰娜·施毕利的代表作，被改编成各种艺术形式而历久不衰。
　　【3】莉丽·庞斯，法裔美籍花腔女高音歌唱家。
　　【4】为了给具有不同背景、不同信仰的青少年提供同吃、同住、同玩、共同成长的机会而举办的集体营。