月亮和六便士 第四十三章(3)

 When I come to his connection with Blanche Stroeve I am exasperated 1 by the fragmentariness of the facts at my disposal. 当我开始叙述他同勃朗什·施特略夫的关系时，我也深为自己掌握材料不足所苦。

To give my story coherence 2 I should describe the progress of their tragic 3 union, 为了把我的故事说得有头有尾，我应该描写一下他们这一悲剧性的结合是如何发展的，
but I know nothing of the three months during which they lived together. 但是我对他俩三个月的同居生活却一无所知。
I do not know how they got on or what they talked about. 我不知道他们如何相处，也不知道他们平常谈一些什么。
After all, there are twenty-four hours in the day, and the summits of emotion can only be reached at rare intervals 4. 不管怎么说，一天是有二十四小时的，感情的高峰只是在稀有的时刻才达到的现象。
I can only imagine how they passed the rest of the time. 其他的时间是怎么过的，我只能借助自己的想象力。
While the light lasted and so long as Blanche's strength endured, 在光线没有暗淡下来以前，只要勃朗什的气力还能支持住，
I suppose that Strickland painted, and it must have irritated her when she saw him absorbed in his work. 我想思特里克兰德总是不停笔地作画。我想勃朗什对他这样沉溺于自己的绘画中，一定感到非常气恼。
As a mistress she did not then exist for him, but only as a model; 整个这段时间，她只是他的模特儿，他根本没有想到她的情妇的角色。
and then there were long hours in which they lived side by side in silence. It must have frightened her. 此外，就是相对无言的漫长的时刻，对她说来，也一定是件怪可怕的事。
When Strickland suggested that in her surrender to him there was a sense of triumph over Dirk Stroeve, 思特里克兰德曾对我透露，勃朗什献身给他，带有某种向戴尔克·施特略夫报复的感情在内，
because he had come to her help in her extremity 5, he opened the door to many a dark conjecture 6. 因为戴尔克是在她丢尽了脸面的时候把她搭救起来的；思特里克兰德泄露的这个秘密为许多玄妙的臆想打开了门户。
I hope it was not true. It seems to me rather horrible. 我希望思特里克兰德的话并不真实；我觉得这有点儿太可怕了。
But who can fathom 7 the subtleties 8 of the human heart? 但是话又说回来，谁能理解人心的奥秘呢？
Certainly not those who expect from it only decorous sentiments and normal emotions. 那些只希望从人心里寻到高尚的情操和正常感情的人肯定是不会理解的。
When Blanche saw that, notwithstanding his moments of passion, Strickland remained aloof 9, she must have been filled with dismay, 当勃朗什发现思特里克兰德除了偶尔迸发出一阵热情以外，总是离她远远的，心里一定非常痛苦；
and even in those moments I surmise 10 that she realised that to him she was not an individual, but an instrument of pleasure; 而我猜想，即使在那些短暂的时刻，她也知道得很清楚，思特里克兰德不过只把她当作自己取乐的工具，而不把她当人看待。
he was a stranger still, and she tried to bind 11 him to herself with pathetic arts. 他始终是一个陌生人，她用一切可怜的手段拼命想把他系牢在自己身边。
She strove to ensnare him with comfort and would not see that comfort meant nothing to him. 她试图用舒适的生活网罗住他，殊不知他对安逸的环境丝毫也不介意。
She was at pains to get him the things to eat that he liked, and would not see that he was indifferent to food. 她费尽心机给他弄合他口味的东西吃，却看不到他吃什么东西部无所谓。
She was afraid to leave him alone. 她害怕叫他独自一个人待着，
She pursued him with attentions, and when his passion was dormant 12 sought to excite it, for then at least she had the illusion of holding him. 总是不断地对他表示关心、照护，当他的热情酣睡的时候，就想尽各种方法唤醒它，因为这样她至少还可以有一种把他把持在手的假象。
Perhaps she knew with her intelligence that the chains she forged only aroused his instinct of destruction, 也许她的智慧告诉她，她铸造的这些链条只不过刺激起他的天性想把它砸断，
as the plate-glass window makes your fingers itch 13 for half a brick; 正象厚玻璃会使人看着手痒痒，想捡起半块砖来似的。
but her heart, incapable 14 of reason, made her continue on a course she knew was fatal. 但是她的心却不听理智的劝告，总是逼着她沿着一条她自己也知道必然通向毁灭的路上滑下去。
She must have been very unhappy. 她一定非常痛苦，
But the blindness of love led her to believe what she wanted to be true, 但是爱情的盲目性却叫她相信自己的追求是真实的，
and her love was so great that it seemed impossible to her that it should not in return awake an equal love. 叫她相信自己的爱情是伟大的，不可能不在他身上唤起同样的爱情来还答她。