月亮和六便士 第四十三章(1)

 Chapter 43 第四十三章

Looking back, I realise that what I have written about Charles Strickland must seem very unsatisfactory. 回过头来看一下，我发现我写的关于查理斯·思特里克兰德的这些事似乎很难令人满意。
I have given incidents that came to my knowledge, but they remain obscure because I do not know the reasons that led to them. 我把自己知道的一些事情记载下来，但是我写得并不清楚，因为我不了解它们发生的真实原因。
The strangest, Strickland's determination to become a painter, seems to be arbitrary; 最令人费解的莫过于思特里克兰德为什么决心要做画家这件事，看来简直没有什么道理可寻。
and though it must have had causes in the circumstances of his life, I am ignorant of them. 尽管从他的生活环境一定找得出原因来，我却一无所知。
From his own conversation I was able to glean 1 nothing. 从他的谈话里我任何线索也没有获得。
If I were writing a novel, rather than narrating 2 such facts as I know of a curious personality, 如果我是在写一部小说，而不是叙述我知道的一个性格怪异的人的真人真事，
I should have invented much to account for this change of heart. 我就会编造一些原因，解释他生活上的这一突变。
I think I should have shown a strong vocation 3 in boyhood, crushed by the will of his father or sacrificed to the necessity of earning a living; 我会描写他童年时期就感到绘画是自己的天职，但迫于父亲的严命或者必须为谋生奔走，这个梦想遭到破灭；
I should have pictured him impatient of the restraints of life; 我也可以描写他如何对生活的桎梏感到痛恨，
and in the struggle between his passion for art and the duties of his station I could have aroused sympathy for him. 写他对艺术的热爱与生活的职责间的矛盾冲突，用以唤起读者对他的同情。
I should so have made him a more imposing 4 figure. 这样我就可以把思特里克兰德这个人写得更加令人敬畏。
Perhaps it would have been possible to see in him a new Prometheus. 或许人们能够在他身上看到另一个普罗米修斯。
There was here, maybe, the opportunity for a modern version of the hero who for the good of mankind exposes himself to the agonies of the damned. 我也许会塑造一个为了替人类造福甘心忍受痛苦折磨的当代英雄。
It is always a moving subject. 这永远是一个动人心弦的主题。
On the other hand, I might have found his motives 5 in the influence of the married relation. 另外，我也可以从思特里克兰德的婚姻关系中找到他立志绘画的动机。
There are a dozen ways in which this might be managed. 我可以有十几种方法处理这个故事：
A latent gift might reveal itself on acquaintance with the painters and writers whose society his wife sought; 因为他妻子喜欢同文艺界人士来往，他也有缘结识一些文人和画家，因而唤醒了那隐伏在他身上的艺术才能；
or domestic incompatability might turn him upon himself; 也可能是家庭不和睦使他把精力转到自己身上；
a love affair might fan into bright flame a fire which I could have shown smouldering dimly in his heart. 再不然也可以归结于爱情，譬如说，我可以写一下他心中早就埋着热爱艺术的火种，因为爱上一个女人，一下子把闷火扇成熊熊的烈焰。
I think then I should have drawn 6 Mrs. Strickland quite differently. 我想，如果这样写的话，思特里克兰德太太在我笔下也就要以另一副面貌出现了。
I should have abandoned the facts and made her a nagging 7, tiresome 8 woman, or else a bigoted 9 one with no sympathy for the claims of the spirit. 我将不得不把事实篡改一下，把她写成一个唠唠叨叨、惹人生厌的女人，再不然就是性格褊狭，根本不了解精神的需求。
I should have made Strickland's marriage a long torment 10 from which escape was the only possible issue. 思特里克兰德婚后生活是一场无尽无休的痛苦煎熬，离家出走将是他的唯一出路。
I think I should have emphasised his patience with the unsuitable mate, 我想我将在思特里克兰德如何委曲求全这件事上多费些笔墨，
and the compassion 11 which made him unwilling 12 to throw off the yoke 13 that oppressed him. 他如何心存怜悯，不愿贸然甩掉折磨他的枷锁。
I should certainly have eliminated the children. 这样写，我当然就不会提他们的两个孩子了。