英语PK台 第364期:恋爱要配对,相处要慢爱,成家要有爱

 　　1. I study the biology of personality, and I've come to believe that we've evolved four very broad styles of thinking and behaving, linked with the dopamine, serotonin, testosterone and estrogen systems. So I created a questionnaire directly from brain science to measure the degree to which you express the traits—the constellation 1 of traits—linked with each of these four brain systems. Fourteen million or more people have now taken the questionnaire.

　　我研究人格生物学，在研究过程中我慢慢相信人类进化了四种非常广泛的思考和行为方式，它们与多巴胺、血清素、雄激素和雌激素系统息息相关。因此我直接从大脑科学的角度创建了一项调查问卷，衡量人们表达性格特征（分别与这四个大脑系统相关联的一系列性格特征）的程度。一千四百万甚至更多的人已经完成了这项调查问卷。
　　And as it turns out, those who were very expressive 2 of the dopamine system tend to be curious, creative, spontaneous, energetic. They’re drawn 3 to people like themselves. People who are very expressive of the serotonin system tend to be traditional, conventional, they follow the rules, they respect authority, they tend to be religious—religiosity is in the serotonin system—and traditional people go for traditional people. In that way, similarity attracts.
　　事实证明，那些富有多巴胺系统表现力的人往往是好奇的、有创造性的、随性的和精力充沛的。他们同时也被和自己相似的人所吸引。而血清素系统的表达者往往是传统的，他们遵守规则、尊重权威并且通常是宗教信仰者——虔诚的宗教信仰蕴含在血清素系统中——且传统的人趋向追寻他们的同类。在这两种情况下，都是因为相似所以吸引。
　　In the other two cases, opposites attract. People very expressive of the testosterone system tend to be analytical 4, logical, direct, decisive, and they go for their opposite: they go for somebody who's high estrogen, somebody who's got very good verbal skills and people skills, who's very intuitive and who's very nurturing 5 and emotionally expressive. We have natural patterns of mate choice. Modern technology is not going to change who we choose to love.
　　而在另外两种情况下正好相反，都是因为不同所以吸引。雄激素系统的表达者的分析与逻辑性强、直接、果断，他们追求与他们不同的人：他们追求高雌激素的人，这些人具有很好的语言表达能力和人际交往能力，善于使用直觉、抚育和表达情感。可见我们的择偶模式是天然决定的。现代科技无法改变我们选择爱谁。
　　2. But technology is producing one modern trend that I find particularly important. It's associated with the concept of paradox 6 of choice. For millions of years, we lived in little hunting and gathering 7 groups. You didn't have the opportunity to choose between 1,000 people on a dating site. We can embrace about five to nine alternatives, and after that, you get into what academics call "cognitive 8 overload 9," and you don't choose any.
　　但是科技促生出了一个我认为不可小觑的现代趋势。这与“选择的悖论”这一概密切相关。曾在数百万年的时间里,人类都生活在小型的狩猎和采集族群里。那时候可没有机会在一个约会网站上从1000人之中做出选择。我们只能接受5到9个选择，在那以后，我们会进入到一种学者称之为“认知超载”的状态，而做不出任何选择。
　　So I've come to think that due to this cognitive overload, we're ushering 10 in a new form of courtship that I call "slow love." 67 percent of singles in America today who are living long-term with somebody, have not yet married because they are terrified of divorce. They're terrified of the social, legal, emotional, economic consequences of divorce. Today's singles want to know every single thing about a partner before they wed 11.
　　因此我认为，由于这种认知超载，我们进入了一个新的求爱形式，我称之为“慢爱”。今天在美国67%的单身人士是和伴侣长期同居但还没有结婚的，因为他们害怕离婚。他们害怕离婚所造成的社会、法律、情感和经济后果。今天的单身人士想在结婚之前了解有关他们另一半的一切事情。
　　But the human brain always triumphs, and indeed, in the United States today, 86 percent of Americans will marry by age 49. I did a study of 1,100 married people and I asked them a lot of questions. But one of the questions was, "Would you re-marry the person you're currently married to?" And 81 percent said, "Yes."
　　尽管如此，人类的大脑总还是会获得最终的胜利——事实表明，在如今的美国，86%的人都会在49岁之前结婚。我曾对1100位已婚人士做过一项研究，问了他们很多问题。其中一个问题是，“你会再和你现在的伴侣结婚吗？”，81%的回答是肯定的。
　　3. I'm not a Pollyanna; there's a great deal to cry about. As William Butler Yeats, the poet, once said, "Love is the crooked 12 thing." I would add, "Nobody gets out alive." We all have problems. But in fact,I think the poet Randall Jarrell really sums it up best. He said, "The dark, uneasy world of family life—where the greatest can fail, and the humblest succeed."
　　我不是一个盲目乐观的人，有很多事情让我悲伤。就像诗人威廉·巴特勒·叶芝说的，“爱情是一条扭曲的路”。“我还要补充一句：“没有人能活着出来。“我们每个人都有情感问题。但事实上，我认为诗人兰德尔·贾雷尔对此做出了最好的总结。他说，“在家庭生活黑暗、不安的世界里，最伟大的也可能失败，最卑微的也可能成功。”
　　But I will leave you with this: love and attachment 13 will prevail,technology cannot change it. And I will conclude by saying any understanding of human relationships must take into account one of the most powerful determinants of human behavior: the unquenchable,adaptable and primordial 14 human drive to love.
　　无论如何我可以告诉你的是：爱和依恋的联结永远会占上风，技术无法改变它。作为总结我想说，对任何人际关系的理解都必须将一个最强大的人类行为的决定因素纳入考虑，那就是人类不可抗拒、极具适应性且原始的内驱力——去爱。