成长的烦恼第六季:Not With My Carol You Don't

Mike: Alright. I'm here. We can eat.
Maggie: Dinner will be a minute mike. Carol is at the store.
Mike: Ah, when it's ready, will it be free?
Maggie: Yes.
Mike: Then I'll stay.
Jason: Hmmm, boy those fish sticks sure, um, smell.
Maggie: We are waiting for tartar sauce.
Ben: Is Carol back yet?
Maggie: Relax Ben. Dinner's going to be a while.
Ben: Its not dinner. She was supposed to buy toilet paper. Mike, do you have any toilet paper?
Mike: No. I never buy the stuff. I steal yours. Gosh, you guys don_t think very much of me do
you?
Maggie and jason: No.
Carol: If you are dumb enough to do it, then you are dumb enough to tell them about it.
Speak!
Chrissy: Well...
Carol: Oh, you think you are so cute with that curly hair, unending smile and happy disposition 1.
You make me puke.
Jason: What's going on Carol?
Mike: Yeah, and more importantly, where is the tartar sauce?
Carol: Mike, this is bigger than tartar sauce.
Ben: Where's the toilet paper.
Carol: We have no tartar sauce. We have no toilet paper. We have no groceries. And why don't
we have any groceries Chrissy?
Chrissy: There was a lady who was needy 2 with a dirty face and I gave her the grocery money.
Carol: How selfish can you be? What is a hungry person doing inside a supermarket?

Jason: Carol, come on, we are going to be late.
Maggie: Honey, in the light of day I'm not so sure this is such a good idea anymore.
Jason: Oh, you're kidding. Down at the free clinic she is going to meet some people who are
down on their luck, who are not freeloaders, misfits and losers.
Maggie: Well that could happen, yes.
Jason: I mean last night I couldn't believe the way she was talking Maggie. I mean I don't remember ever being so disappointed in one of our children. Where did she get that insensitivity?
Maggie: So you are saying I'm a bad mother?
Jason: No Maggie.
Maggie: Well excuse me for being a little concerned about our daughter hanging out with
dangerous people.
Jason: Maggie, I have been working with these people for six months.
Maggie: Jason, there is a reason you've been working with them for months.
Jason: Maybe you ought to come down and volunteer.
Maggie: Well I've thought about it and I've just been looking for the right weekend. Hey, I've
got an idea. I'll just write you a check.
Jason: Maggie, we do amazing things down there. It's a place I really believe in. You honestly
think I'd put my daughter in danger?
Maggie: No.
Jason: And underneath 4, she's a smart enough girl. I have a gut 5 feeling that she is going to see
this as a very worthwhile experience.
Carol: Alright. I'm ready. Let's get this nightmare over with.
Jason: Come on Carol. This way. Right along here to the right are where all the doctor' s offices
are. Here you'll see that there is, uh, what are you doing?
Carol: Getting rid of all my jewelry 6.
Jason: Come on.
Webster: Excuse me. You dropped this.
Jason: Thank you Webster. And what have we learned from this?
Carol: They are watching me. They are all watching me.
Jason: Alright. This is the main conference room. This is where all those dead beats come to
fake their way through group sessions, so they can go back on the street and beg, borrow and
steal from people like you.
Carol: Uh hu.
Jason: Carol, I was being sarcastic 7.
Carol: I know you were dad. And I also know why you brought me here. So that I can see that
there are other people worse off than me.
Jason: When did you become such a Princess?
Carol: Hu! I am not a Princess. Now can we just get this pointless exercise over with so that I
can go home and take a nap?

(Phone rings)
Carol: Community health clinic. Uh hu. Uh hu. Oh I'm sorry; we can not give prescriptions 8 over
the phone. And by the way, I don't think that is a legal drug. Well you don't have to be rude
about it. Excuse me but that is anatomically impossible.
Man: Excuse me, is the food bank open?
Carol: The hours are one to four. Sign in here. Last name first, first name last.
Man: Oh, I'm not here to get food; I'm here to give food.
Carol: Oh, oh I'm sorry.
Man: For your information thin is in. See I put in long hours at the spa to keep my body lean
and mean. You look familiar.
Carol: Do you go to Columbia?
Man: Only the P. Hold on. You stick your nose up in the air like you smell somet5hing bad.
Carol: No.
Man: Yeah, I know you. You take the number one train.
Carol: Well I don't know you.
Man: I sell you the New York Times every day.
Carol: Oh, yes. Yes of course. How nice to see you outside of work.

Webster: These black people get on my nerves too.
Lady: Alright. Let's have all my juvenile 9 delinquents 10 this way. I'm your last hope so don't tick
me off. Oh you. I said this way Princess.
Webster: She's not one of your juvenile delinquents. She's a person of substance who's just
slumming down here.
Carol: That's right.
Lady: Great. We need people like you.
Webster: These white people get on my nerves too.
Carol: You're making fun of me.
Webster: No. That was a joke. You're Doctor Seavers daughter, aren't you?
Carol: Yeah. How did you know?
Webster: I returned your ear ring this morning. Carol: Oh. Oh yes. Right. Of course. Nick isn't
it?
Webster: No it isn't. It's Webster.
Carol: Webster, Nick, they are very close.
Webster: You don't notice people do you?
Carol: Oh, it's nothing personal. I don_t notice important people either.
Webster: Uh hu.
Carol: No. I'm sorry. I'm just a little uncomfortable. I mean there is a bucket of guns right
here.
Webster: Well why are you volunteering right here?
Carol: Oh, I'm not volunteering. My father dragged me down here so I could get some
sensitivity.
Webster: Still early in the day hu? Lucky for you you are here on a day I volunteer.
Carol: Oh, you're a volunteer? Oh what a relief. I thought I'd put my foot in my mouth again.
For a second there I thought you were one of them.
Webster: Who? Oh heaven forbid no.
Carol: I know what you are saying. I mean what is it with these people?
Webster: I know. Can't they get a job? Can't they be respectable? I guess they just like to fool
themselves with all these sessions.
Carol: I know.
Jason: Webster, we've got to put back your two o' clock session. They've got Doctor Miller 11
cornered.
Carol: Two o clock session. You are one of them?
Webster: OOOh!
Carol: No.
Webster: My parole officer says I can get six months off my probation 12 if I get a High School
Equivalency Certificate.
Jason: So what are you going to do?
Webster: Study.
Jason: Yeah. I wish my oldest son was on parole. Alright Webster. That's all the time we have
for today. And uh, I'm real proud of you. Last year did you think you'd be going back to school?
Webster: No way.
Jason: Hey Carol, how are you doing?
Carol: I gave back all the weapons, but there was one extra.
Lady: That's mine.
Jason: Thought we had a break through.
Carol: I found this in the copy machine. I think it's an English paper.
Webster: You didn't read it did you?
Carol: No.
Webster: Then what are all these red marks?
Carol: Ok. I read it and corrected it. Force of habit.
Webster: Well what did you think?
Carol: It was moving and compelling.
Webster: Especially for a street kid, right?
Carol: Look, I'm not saying that the spelling wasn't atrocious and grammar awful. And I've
never heard the word 'mother' used quite so colorfully. But the ideas behind it, when you are
deciding whether or not to rob a liqueur store, I knew how you were feeling. It took me two
and a half mo0nths to pick my major. I mean decisions like that can affect your whole life.
Webster: Golly!
Carol: You're making fun of me again?
Webster: No. It's just that you are the first person who's read it.
Carol: Webster, it's good.
Webster: Can you help me make it better?

Carol: I'm leaving now.
Jason: Carol? Hey, it's Saturday night. What are you doing going out?
Carol: Don't worry. It's not a date.
Jason: Come on, you're nineteen. You don't have to tell me where you are going. Who you are
going with. What you are going to be doing. When you are coming back.
Carol: Good.
Jason: Cos I'm proud of you Carol. I was real proud of you today. The way you came down to
the free clinic and you saw the way those people are just like the rest of us. They just need a
little trust and faith.
Carol: Thank you. And not that I need to tell you but I'm meeting with Webster to help him
with his English paper.
Jason: Oh Webster. Are you going over to his night school?
Carol: No.
Jason: Library?
Carol: No.
Jason: No no. Just the two of you?
Carol: Oh, I'm sorry. You think it's the Webster I know from the clinic, but its not. It's Webster
Thornhill from Columbia.
Jason: Oh yeah. Oh good. Ok great. You have a good time.
Carol: Dad, I can't believe this.
Jason: What?
Carol: It's the same Webster.
Jason: I am not a hypocrite.
Carol: After all this talk about me respecting people and I want to meet with him and you are
upset.
Jason: It's just that you don't know everything there is to know about Webster. I mean, he is
on parole and ...You're right. I am a hypocrite. And if you are going to respect somebody, you
should respect them as much as y0u would somebody else. So I'm sorry. You go and help him
and have a good time. Ok
Carol: Thank you daddy.
Jason: Alright.
Carol: Bye.
Jason: That's what I brought her down there for. This is good. This is a good thing. I'm proud
of her. I can't wait to tell Maggie. "Maggie, your daughter is going out with an ex con 3".
"Maggie, ha ha ha, Carol is going out with an ex con". Carol!
Maggie: Where's Carol going?
Jason: Don't know. Don't have a clue. No honestly I don't. No.

Jason: Come on Maggie. Come on. Time is running out.
Maggie: This is the best I can do. E X C O N.
Jason: That's ex con. Ok, just say it Maggie. Don't try to be cute. I don't like it when you're
cute. You are too old to be cute.
Maggie: Pardon?
Jason: That word Maggie. Why did you use that word?
Maggie: Because it is the triple word score.
Jason: Oh, yes. It is.

Webster: When I got paroled, I learned I was no longer a thief. And what I am I don't know,
but I fear a dark and desperate time may come when I must define myself as something. And
the only word that comes to mind is thief.
Carol: So beautiful. There is such a sense of hopelessness.
Webster: I'll say.
Carol: Read the rest.
Webster: That is all I got so far.
Carol: Well what are your ideas for the ending?
Webster: I don't know. I was thinking maybe after this high school thing I could get some
training and maybe be a counselor 13 for guys like me.
Carol: Really?
Webster: Yeah. City College has this program where you go part time and you work part time.
And there are plenty of jobs in the bad neighborhoods because nobody wants to work there,
and for it would be a short commute 14. What are you going to do Carol?
Carol: I'm not sure exactly beyond Columbia, a top Law School, Clerking for the Supreme 15
Court Justice, and not necessarily a woman, but I wouldn't rule out a career in politics.
Webster: So this will be our last meal together.
Carol: No.
Webster: Some more coffee over here to cut the grease.
Waiter: I told you not to order the chilly 16. Hey, have you been in here before?
Webster: No. That's why I ordered the chilly.
Waiter: All night long I've been trying to place your face.
Webster: Well its right here.
Waiter: Maybe I saw you on Johnny Carson.
Carol: Look, I want to apologize. I must have seemed like such a...
Webster: Princess?
Carol: Ok, ok, I was a princess.
Webster: Hey don't get down on yourself. It must be kind of strange of you to be in this
neighborhood.
Carol: Well actually I commute to Manhattan everyday for school. I see all kinds of disgusting
filth 17.
Webster: Well here you don't get to walk over them and keep walking with a face like this.
Carol: I will have you know that I have lived in the city.
Waiter: That is the guy who mugged me two years ago.

Jason: Thank god. Alright Maggie, your suspicions were true. I didn't want to say anything
before because I knew you'd be upset. But Carol tonight has been out with an ex con.
Maggie: What?
Jason: Yes, somebody I have been working with down at the clinic. An armed robber.
Maggie: Carol is out with him now?
Jason: No, she is not out with him now. She is home safe and sound, like I knew she would be,
and we think we should applaud carols new found sensitivity and awareness 18. Come on. Hey!
Mike: Thank you, thank you. Thank you.
Maggie: Jason, you were saying?
Jason: Carol is going to be fine. Alright, let's just finish the game.
Maggie: Carol is out with an ex con?
(Phone rings)
Jason: Ex con is hyphenated. That doesn't count Maggie.
Mike: Telephone.
Jason: Excuse me.
Maggie: No, take a message Mike.
Mike: It sounds pretty important mum.
Maggie: So is this.
Mike: Guys, how do you spell precinct?

Policeman: Did you know your daughter was going out with a convicted felon 19?
Maggie: Some of us did.
Policeman: That's not good.
Jason: What happened?
Policeman: Well what happened was the owner of the diner recognized the suspect as the
person who'd mugged him a couple of years ago. The owner called the police. Held the guy at
gunpoint. Before we arrived the suspect wrestled 20 the gun away from the guy and then, this is
crazy he took ten bucks 21 from a full cash register and fled.
Maggie: It was a miracle Carol wasn't hurt.
Policeman: Yeah.
Jason: That just doesn't sound like Webster. Webster would be the kind...
Maggie: Webster! Jason please!
Jason: Carol.
Maggie: Oh honey. Are you ok?
Carol: I think so.
Maggie: Oh my poor baby. Let's go home.
Carol: daddy I don't understand what happened.
Maggie: Forget about it.
Carol: Mum, I don't want to forget about it. Daddy, how could this happen?
Jason: I don't know.
Carol: Daddy, he was telling me how he wanted to be counselor and help other kids. We were
laughing. And then all of a sudden, this guy comes and pulls this gun on him and calls him a
thief. "You are a thief and that's all you are is a thief". And Webster's eyes changed. It was like
he'd died. And then he just grabbed the gun, took some money and left.
Maggie: He's a criminal Carol.
Carol: Mum, he is more than that. He was trying. I mean you should read this essay. He
worked on it so hard. And then he just left it there like it didn't even matter. Daddy, I don't
understand.

Maggie: Jason, are you coming to bed? I'm not through yelling at you yet.
Jason: Not right now.
Maggie: I finally got Carol to sleep. And do you know what she said to me as she was drifting
off? She actually said that she was glad that she went down to that awful clinic. Jason are you
listening to me?
Jason: She could have been killed.
Maggie: Damn right. She could have been killed. Look Jason, I want to help the downtrodden
people just as much as you do, but when there is a chance that one of our children...
Jason: Maggie, I put my daughter in danger. I know that. Yes, yes. It was a silly idea. My
stupid idealism. I believe that just because I go down there and I work with people, that I can
make a difference. I can change them Maggie. I'm a fool.
Maggie: Oh Jason, I, I never called you a fool.
Jason: If anything had happened to her Maggie. God!
Maggie: Sweetheart I need a little of your stupid idealism in my life. I can be narrow minded.
But you know what; together we make a pretty balanced person. Separately, I'm not crazy
about either one of us.
Jason: Yeah. Well I always thought, you know I believed that if you were a good person, if you
treat people with respect, if you are sincere and you're fair and you're honest, if you believe in
god, then nothing can harm you. Nothing can harm the people you love. Tonight Maggie I see
for the first time, it's uh, I was wrong.
Maggie: Oh Jason, just because Webster turned out bad doesn't mean you haven't helped out
a lot of people down there.
Jason: Well Maggie, how do I know that they wouldn't have gotten better by themselves? How
do I know I make a difference?
Maggie: You make a difference with me.
Jason: That's very sweet. I just, I think I want to be alone for a bit.
Maggie: Ok. Jason, I love you.
Jason: I'm glad.

Webster: Doc.
Jason: What are you doing here?
Webster: Where else can I go?
Jason: Well you came to the wrong place.
Webster: I made a big mistake.
Jason: You made a mistake! What about me? I trusted you Webster. I trusted you with my
daughter.
Webster: I didn't plan for that gun.
Jason: I don't want to hear about it. I'm going to call the police.
Webster: Well is Carol alright?
Jason: What do you care?
Webster: I care alright damn it! I do.
Jason: What were you doing tonight Webster?
Webster: Doctor Seaver, tonight for the first time, I saw that all that stuff we talked about
could really happen. Then that guy in the diner starts talking about stuff that happened years
ago. Saying I was a thief and that was all I was ever going to be. Well he convinced me.
Jason: Well you know better.
Webster: Yeah doctor, but only because of you. And that's why I'm here.
Jason: Cos of me.
Webster: Yeah, I wouldn't feel so awful right now if you hadn't made me feel so good. Would
you come down to the police station with me? I need you to come with me.
Jason: I'll come. I'll come. I'll come with you.
Webster: I didn't mean for...for any of this to happen. I'm so, I'm sorry doc. (crying) I'm sorry
man.
Jason: We'll get you through it. We'll get you through it.