成长的烦恼第六季:The World According to Chrissy

TV: Channel nineteen, Long Island News...
Maggie: Five more minutes, Chrissy, then bed time.
Chrissy: Oh, great! For the first time I'm drawing inside the lines, I've got to go to bed.
Ben: Chrissy, a tip; Mom's a sucker for cute. Trust me, it never fails.
Maggie: OK, Ben, take these to your room and get started on your homework.
Ben: Godzooks, Mom! I can't move. You are one beautiful woman.
Maggie: Hustle 1 mister.
Ben: I knew "Godzooks" was wrong.
Mike: Mom, quick, I'm late for a date and I don't have a clean shirt.
Maggie: Oh, Mike, we've been over this more times than I care to remember. You do your own
laundry.
Mike: Mom! Are you getting younger?
Maggie: Younger!
Mike: I mean all I can say is, holy moly!
Maggie: Take your Dad's shirt.
Mike: Oh, not his good one?
Maggie: Why not?
Mike: Oh, yes! Thank you, Mom.
Chrissy: Holy moly was a nice touch.
Mike: Thanks.
Chrissy: You know, you look like the kind of guy who would enjoy a good bed-time story. How
about, Mr. Mouse finds a home?
Mike: Ah...err 2...sorry Chrissy, but...err...Mr. Mike found a blond. Hey listen, where's Carol?
Maybe she can read you a bed-time story.
Chrissy: She's out on a date.
Mike: No, really where is she?

Chrissy: It's true.
Mike: Oh, well, finally proof that Bigfoot lives.
Chrissy: He does! Will you take me to meet him?
Mike: No, no, Chrissy, I'm kidding, it was just a joke.
Chrissy: It's not a long book, Mike. And the print's pretty big.
Mike: I'm sorry, Chrissy, but I can't keep a blond waiting.
Chrissy: Well, invite her over. Most women love Mr. Mouse.
Mike: I'm sorry Chrissy, but I can't. I gotta go. See ya.

Chrissy: Aarrgghh!! Well, I'm sorry. I've never seen a six foot mouse before. What do you
mean, come to Jersey 3.

Carol: Norman, I had a wonderful time tonight.
Norman: Carol, you are the first girl I've met, who doesn't mind going out in a garbage truck.
Carol: Is this a garbage truck?
Norman: Do you wanna pull the lever again?
Carol: No, it's too noisy. Would you like to come in for some coffee?
Norman: Sure. I don't want coffee.
Carol: Neither do I.
Chrissy: Hi, Carol!
Carol: Chrissy, what are you doing out here at this hour?
Chrissy: Not kissing the garbage man.
Carol: Chissy, go to bed. You are invading our privacy.
Chrissy: Then go kiss someone else, where we're not having a picnic.
Carol: We! Who's having a picnic?
Chrissy: Me and my friend! What's your name? Ike.
Carol: Who is Ike? Where is this kid?
Chrissy: Watch it! You almost stepped on his tail.
Carol: Tail!
Chrissy: Yeah, Ike's a mouse!
Norman: Little babe's bonkers.
Chrissy: One more crack like that, he'll bite you on the neck!
Carol: Norman, just ignore her. She's just a little...beer! What's beer doing out here?
Chrissy: Relax, it's just for Ike. It makes the cheese go down smoother.
Carol: Chrissy, I don't wanna hear any more nonsense about this invisible mouse.
Chrissy: You don't see him?
Carol: No.
Chrissy: He's staring at you. Boy, is he staring at you.
Norman: You know, Carol, maybe we should call it a night.

Carol: Will I see you again?
Norman: Tuesdays and Thursdays! Be on the curb 4!
Chrissy: Mike says not to worry. He says he's like to take a babe out like you some time.

Carol: Mom, Dad, wake up!
Maggie: What?
Carol: Chrissy, is on the driveway letting an imaginary mouse have a beer. Goodnight.
Maggie: What?
Jason: Carol, come back. Say what you said again.
Carol: Chrissy was outside letting an imaginary mouse have a beer.
Jason: That's what I thought you said.
Carol: Don't worry, I poured the beer out and put Chrissy to bed.
Maggie: So you handled it?
Carol: Yes. And you're welcome.
Jason: Carol, if you handled it, why are you waking us up?
Carol: Well, she ruined my date, so I wanted to ruin your evening.
Maggie: Oh!
Jason: That's another thing, by the way, about this date; don't we usually get to meet the guy
first?
Carol: Well, you have. Every Tuesday and Thursday on the curb.
Jason: Are you dating our garbage man?
Maggie: Jason, Norman isn't just a garbage man. He's a professional body-builder who likes
poetry, quiet walks, women who listen and shellfish.
Jason: What goes on around here while I'm at work?
Carol: Dad, forget my date. Your younger daughter is hallucinating.
Maggie: Oh, Carol, what are you talking about?
Jason: Don't you think "hallucinate" is a bit strong?
Carol: I don't think so. After her mouse drove Norman away...he was checking me out.
Jason: Who's imagination are we dealing 5 with here? Ha ha. Bud Collier.
Maggie: Excuse me.
Jason: That was my imaginary friend. Bud Collier. Remember, big game show host...oh all the
big shows of the fifties. He used to do "Tell the Truth", "Beat the clock".
Maggie: Jason, I know who he was.
Jason: Yeah, when I was Chrissy's age, I'd pretend he'd come over to visit. He used to guess
my occupation. Got it right every time.
Maggie: Good night, sweetheart.
Jason: Well.
Maggie: Well, what?
Jason: Well, who was your imaginary friend?

Maggie: Jason, it's late.
Jason: Oh, come on, Maggie. We've been married all these years, you've never told me who
your imaginary friend is. And I know every thing about you, including that mole 6 on your inner
right thigh 7.
Maggie: Ah! I don't have a mole on my inner right thigh.
Jason: Oh, OK.
Maggie: Jason.
Jason: Just kidding, Maggie. Come on! It's not anything to be ashamed of having an imaginary
friend. Studies show that almost all creative people have had one.
Maggie: Well, I didn't.
Jason: Maybe, "friend" is too strong a word. Maybe, imaginary person that you talked to.
Maggie: No.
Jason: No? A plant.
Maggie: No.
Jason: Maybe an animal.
Maggie: Oh!
Jason: Have you ever had an ant farm, Maggie?
Maggie: Jason! Just save it. I fail to see how talking to a game show host, makes one creative.
Jason: Oh, well, come under the covers and I'll show you what you've won! Where are you
going?
Maggie: I prefer to see what's behind door number two.
Jason: Hey, Bud, where were we when we saw that mole?

Maggie: Well, somebody ate all the cheese.
Chrissy: No, after you.
Jason: Hi sweetheart, how are you doing this morning?
Chrissy: I'm great.
Maggie: What would you like for breakfast, Chrissy?
Chrissy: Oatmeal, eggs, toast, pancakes, waffles, bread...
Jason: Wow, wow, wow. Is that Chrissy or Ben?
Chrissy: He thinks, it's all for me.
Maggie: Sweetheart, who are you talking to?
Chrissy: (Screams)
Maggie: What?
Chrissy: You almost smooshed him!
Maggie: I almost smooshed who?
Chrissy: Sorry about that Ike. She always sits there.
Jason: Oh, I get it. This is Ike. Hey, Ike, how you doing? Maggie, say hello to Ike.
Maggie: Oh, how do you do, Ike? I'm not very comfortable with this.

Chrissy: Ike says, holy moly, you look so young!
Maggie: Oh, well, a woman never gets tired of hearing that from a rodent 8. Oh, thank you. Do
you like my blouse? I think it brings out the highlights in my hair. Thank you. You are a very
nice mouse.
Chrissy: Mom, he went to the bathroom.
Maggie: Oh, the bathroom.
Jason: Did you flush the toilet?
Carol: Yes, stop asking me that.
Chrissy: Carol, this is Ike's chair.
Carol: Ike.
Maggie: He's here for breakfast.
Chrissy: Not now he isn't. He's in the bathroom.
Carol: While I was in there!
Maggie: Carol!
Chrissy: Ike and I are going outside to play.
Maggie: OK, honey, I'll call you when your break...I'll call you and Ike when your breakfast is
ready.
Chrissy: OK. Come on Ike.
Carol: Are you really gonna cook him breakfast?
Jason: Of course not. He's imaginary.
Carol: Well, I just didn't know how far you'd go to humour the little nut bar.
Ben: Did you know your daughter's in the driveway talking to herself?
Carol: No, she's talking to her imaginary friend.
Ben: Imaginary friend!
Jason: Yeah. Like you and Pirate Sam.
Ben: Pirated Sam wasn't real?
Jason: He was to you, and then you outgrew 9 him, Ben.
Ben: He told me he had to ship out. I gotta go lie down.
Maggie: Jason, Chrissy is doing an awful lot of talking out there.
Jason: OK Bud, what are we gonna do about the wife?
Maggie: OK, OK, I know I've got nothing to worry about.
Carol: Well if anybody needs me, I'll be sitting on the curb with the trash.
Jason: Come on, Maggie! Chrissy knows the difference between real and pretend. If she didn't
then we'd have to worry.
Chrissy: Do we have any imported beer?
Maggie: For Ike?
Chrissy: Yeah!
Maggie: Forget it.
Chrissy: Sorry, Ike, they said something healthy was better for you.

Ike: They're worried about my health, yet they're setting traps all over the house. I don't get
it. Salut.
Jason: Well, I'm off.
Maggie: OK, honey, have a good day. Go forth 10 and cure.
Jason: Are you alright?
Maggie: It was a joke.
Jason: I was referring to Chrissy and...you know, Ike.
Maggie: Oh, honey, you're reminding me. We've been through all this before. There's
absolutely nothing to worry about.

Jason: Bye bye honey, have a nice day.
Ike: I will dear.
Maggie: Chrissy, time for school.
Ike: Oh no, you're leaving me!
Chrissy: Mom, Ike's not gonna have anyone to play with.
Maggie: He won't. Well...maybe Ike would like to come with you.
Chrissy: Ike, do you wanna go to school with me?
Ike: Oh, yes!
Chrissy: He'd love to go.
Maggie: Wonderful. See, I can handle this. My other children turned out perfectly 11 normal.
Carol: You just take my trash and leave! I feel so used.

Ike: Ah, wow, nice neighbourhood.
Chrissy: We like it.
Maggie: We like what, honey?
Chrissy: The neighbourhood.
Ike: What, is she deaf?
Chrissy: Sometimes.
Maggie: Sometimes, what?
Ike: Tell her to forget it.
Chrissy: Forget it, Mom.
Maggie: OK.
Chrissy: Wanna sing a song, Ike?
Ike: Yeah, you bet.
Chrissy: What's a good song?
Maggie: How about...Hickory, Dickory, Dock?
Ike: Look, I refuse to sing a song about a weenie little mouse who's afraid of a little tick-tock.
Next.

Chrissy: How about The farmer in the Dell?
Maggie: Ooh, what was wrong with Hickory Dickory Dock?
Chrissy: You're upsetting Ike.
Ike: OK, but when we get to the part about, the rat takes the cheese, in honour of the
brothers, I'd like to make it a mouse.
Chrissy: You got it. And... (singing) The farmer in the dell...
Ike: A little louder!
Chrissy and Ike singing together: The farmer in the dell, hi ho, the dairy o, the farmer in the
dell.
Maggie: Can I join you guys?
Chrissy: Sure.
Together: (singing) The mouse takes the cheese, the mouse takes the cheese...
Maggie: Hi ho, the dairy o, the rat takes the cheese! Am I doing it wrong?
Chrissy: How can you ask that, Mom, when Ike shared with you how he felt about rats?
Ike: Ah, you know, she hates me. This happens to me all the time. It's tough being a rodent
American.
Maggie: Sweetheart, do you know the difference between really real and...make-believe?
Chrissy: Of course I do. Make-believe is Bat man.
Maggie: Right.
Chrissy: And really real is Santa Claus!!

Ike: So, this is school!
Chrissy: Yes. Follow me, I'll show you where Billy O'Neill embarrassed himself.
Maggie: OK.
Chrissy: Not you, Mom, Ike.
Maggie: Oh.
Teacher: Maggie, is everything alright?
Maggie: Of course. I mean, why do you ask?
Teacher: Well, just because from the way you were looking at Chrissy...
Maggie: There is nothing wrong with Chrissy. She is perfectly normal.
Teacher: I know.
Maggie: I mean, she is normal, right? I mean, not that I need to hear that from you. I mean, I
can see that she's normal. I'm a good parent and you're just a teacher. No, no, no. I didn't
mean, just a teacher, I meant...
Teacher: Would you like to come to the share circle and discuss these things called feelings?
Maggie: Oh, no thanks, Sally. I really...have to be going. But while I'm here, has Chrissy been
doing anything, talking about anything...mouse-like.
Teacher: Let me think. Well, she did trade her peanut butter sandwich for a cheese sandwich
the other day. Is something worrying you? What's taking you to frown town?

Maggie: Oh, no...nothing...I have nothing to worry about. No mention, say, of a six foot
mouse named Ike.
Teacher: No.
Maggie: But she has been talking about a six foot mouse!
Teacher: No.
Maggie: Oh, well. See you later today then. Sally, do you think having an imaginary friend
is...errm...harmful?
Teacher: Well, that depends. Who's your imaginary friend?
Maggie: Not me! Chrissy.
Teacher: She's got an imaginary friend; that's wonderful.
Maggie: It is?
Teacher: Well, sure, it's a great sign of creativity.
Maggie: I've heard.
Teacher: And it can sometimes fill a need in their life that they're too young to articulate.
Chrissy: What's my Mom so upset about? Do any of you guys know?
Imaginary pig: (talks nonsense.)
Teacher: It means, she isn't getting enough attention. Maybe someone's ignoring her. Have
you got an Ike in family?
Maggie: No, we've got a Ben and a Carol, and we've got a Mike. Mike. Ike. Oh.

Ike: Can I move, I'm getting a cramp 12 in my tail?
Chrissy: Don't move a whisker, I'm not finished.
Mike: What'd you say?
Chrissy: Nothing. I think you're gonna like this.
Ben: She's getting weird 13. I like it.
Maggie: Mike, thanks again for staying home to watch Chrissy.
Mike: Oh, hey, thank you for paying me in advance.
Maggie: And if you and Chrissy are having fun together tonight, she can stay up a little
later...you know, eight, nine, ten...midnight. Whatever.
Ben: Why isn't Carol babysitting?
Mike: She got another date with the garbage man.
Ben: She does!
Mike: Yeah. Don't be surprised Benny. I mean, those guys take out trash for a living.
Ike: He is fun to watch.
Chrissy: The best.
Jason: Lucy, I'm home.
Maggie: OK, Mike, you keep an eye on Chrissy.
Mike: OK, Mom. Sure will.
Maggie: And Ben, err...go away.

Jason: Wow! Don't you look nice! What's the occasion?
Maggie: Well, I am taking you out to dinner.
Jason: OK.
Maggie: So, let's go, let's go, let's go.
Jason: What's the occasion?
Maggie: Well do we have to stand here and play twenty questions? Can't we just go out and
celebrate the joy of loving each other?
Jason: OK.
Maggie: Now wipe that stupid look off your face. And let's move it.
Jason: Oh, I had a few things, just odds 14 and ends that I tracked down at the office today, you
know, while I had some spare time. Just some research about imaginary friends. You might
find it kind of reassuring 15.
Maggie: Great honey.
Jason: What are you doing?
Maggie: Oh, you're right, you're right. We can use the back for scratch paper.
Jason: No, Maggie, come on! Now here I was trying to ease your mind, and I come home to
discover you're not worried at all. What's the matter with you?
Maggie: Oh, honey, would you feel better if I got all weepy?
Jason: No, that's not what I'm after. I don't want you all weak and needy 16.
Maggie: Oh, sweetheart, I can't do anything right today. I made a fool out of myself with
Chrissy's teacher and all I wanna do is take you dinner.
Jason: Honey, we can go to dinner.
Maggie: Really?
Jason: Yes.
Maggie: Oh good. Let's go, come on!
Jason: Maybe you could take a look at these over dessert or something.

Mike: Wow, wow, wow! Chrissy, I can hear you all the way downstairs! What are you doing?
Chrissy: It was Ike's idea.
Mike: Oh, yeah. Mom told me about Ike.
Ike: Oh oh!
Mike: Now listen. You better tell Ike that if he doesn't wanna get in trouble that... Ditto, I'll tell
him myself. where is he?
Chrissy: Right over there.
Mike: OK. Hey Ike!
Ike: Yes.
Mike: Don't jump on the bed. There. I hope I wasn't too rough on him.
Chrissy: He had it coming.
Ike: He did!

Chrissy: Mike, wanna play with us?
Mike: Yeah, yeah, sure. What are you guys playing?
Chrissy: What do you wanna play?
Mike: Err...I kind o' like Tea Party.
Chrissy: Tea Party, sure. Sounds good to me.
Ike: Hey!
Chrissy: Chill out, Ike.
Mike: Yeah, chill out, Ike. Set 'em up and I'll have two lumps.
Ike: Yeah! I'd like to give him two lumps.
Chrissy: Ike, sit down and stop being a baby.
Ike: I don't wanna.
Chrissy: Fine. Stay there, be that way.
Mike: Nothing worse than mouse with an attitude. Boy, this coffee's hot.
Chrissy: It's tea.
Ike: Ha!

Mike: And in the glow of the fire of the burning mouse traps, Mr. Mouse realised he had
nothing to fear ever again. Finally, the years of wandering were over. He was home at last.
The end.
Mike and Ike: Oh, wow, good story!
Chrissy: You and Ike are a lot alike.
Mike: Yeah, what is it? Our noses.
Ike: Oh, can it cute stuff, will you?
Chrissy: You don't look alike. But you're both funny. I like playing with you guys.
Mike: Yeah, I like playing with you too, Chrissy.
Chrissy: You do!
Mike: Yeah. Don't sound so shocked. I mean, if I don't do it all the time it's...well sometimes I
like playing with the big girls too.
Chrissy: Like, last night.
Mike: Right. Well, you know, just so you know, I would have babysat you for free tonight.
Chrissy: Really!
Ike: Oh, big hero.
Mike: Hey, Chrissy, tomorrow, I'm gonna wax my car, you wanna help me?
Chrissy: Really!
Mike: Oh, yeah!
Chrissy: You'd let me touch your car!
Ike: This is boring.
Mike: Seven O' clock sharp...am!
Chrissy: You're getting up that early!

Mike: No. You are. I need the car by eight thirty so I can take you to breakfast.
Chrissy: Alright!
Mike: OK. Alright, under the covers! Here you go. Good. Sleep tight, Goldie locks. See you in
the morning.
Ike: OK, where were we before we were so rudely interrupted?
Chrissy: Ike, it's bed time.
Ike: Oh, bed time's for losers! Come on! Let's party.
Chrissy: I'm helping 17 Mike, early in the morning, remember?
Ike: Oh, so you're saying you'd rather detail Mike's car tomorrow, rather than to play with me
now!
Chrissy: Ike, I gotta go to sleep.
Ike: Oh, well fine! OK, well, I wanted to play Tea Party by myself anyway.
Chrissy: OK.
Ike: What am I doing? I'm a grown mouse.

Jason: What, so you put all this together at Chrissy's school.
Maggie: No, but it does make sense. Chrissy does have this hero worship thing for Mike.
Jason: Yeah, that's true.
Maggie: So, maybe if they spend more time together, she won't need Ike.
Jason: Honey, I hate to pull professional rank on you, but I doubt if one evening together's
gonna make any difference with Ike.
Ike: Yeah, says you.
Jason: Did you say something?