Jason: Alright, well, that's our session for today. I'll be remodeling this office, so next week we'll be at another address, OK? Patient: A real office, huh? Jason: This is a real office Mr. Lapepki, I do real work here. Jason: Now, I'm not saying
Patient: All I'm saying is, that if my wife, the woman that I cherish, thinks getting a job is more important than our marriage, let her die. Jason: Mr. Lapepki, think for just a moment, isn't this woman the same person you married ten years ago. Pa
Receptionist: Mike Seaver! Mike: Here's my number then. Auditioner: Hello, Mike. Mike: Oh, hi, very nice to meet you. Auditioner: Are those prop books? Mike: Err...oh, oh, no. See, I go to Alf Landen Junior College. In fact that's where I'm supposed
Ken: So, what we have is a stock, which should yield significant profits, Dr. Seaver. Jason: Please, call me Jason. Ken: But, I also have to tell you that all stocks can go down, Jason. Grandma: Son, Ken handles all of our investments; we swear by h
Jason: Make breakfast, make coffee, wake up! Better wake up first. Oh. I made breakfast? Did I make coffee? I did. Wonder what else I've done this morning? Mike: Hey! Good morning, Dad. Jason: Hey, Mike, you're up. Mike: Yeah. Jason: I've over-slept
Carol: Is that the mail man? Was that the mail man leaving? Mike: What! Not even a hello, for your dear sweet brother? Carol: Hello! Was that the mail man leaving? Mike: Carol, your lack in sincerity wounds me. Carol: Mike, where's the stinking mail
Maggie: Oh Jason, don't you have a tissue? For me. Mike: I thought you guys said that Julie and I were rushing into this. Julie: Where'd you get an idea like that? Priest: Dearly beloved... Mike: I do. Priest: ...we are gathered together today, to w
Jason: Mike! Mike! Mike! If you're in there, things'll go easier on you, if you come out now! But not much! You know, I stupidly assumed that it would be impossible for you to get in trouble, with your high school principle two years after you gradu
Jason: No paper again this morning! Maggie: That's five days in a row. Jason: And more importantly that's two Dollars I'm deducting from next months bill. Maggie: What, no interest? Jason: Two Dollars and fourteen Cents. Maggie: Who are you calling?
Mike: I got something I'd like to say. Grandma: Go ahead Mike. Mike: First I'd like to thank Mom and Dad and...and Grandma Erma and Grandpa Wally, for showing us all how great love and marriage really can be. And, I've also got kind of a surprise fo
Maggie's mom = Kate (Grandma) Maggie's dad = Ed (Grandpa) e Top of the morning to you. j Hi Ed, Kate. Ed!! Ed, what are you doing here? e Got your key out from under the mat; first place a burglar would look, by the way. k I tried to use the micro w
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Ben: Tell me that's not Gorbachev. OK, it's resources. Iron; I can get one of those. Pottash. Mom, where do we keep the Pottash? Carol: She's in the bathroom. What is all this? Ben: You can't tell! Carol: A map of Russia, drawn by keeping a pen betw
Kate: So, you're saying I'm wrong. Mike: No, no, I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm just saying that you know absolutely nothing about women. Kate: Mike, there's not a woman in the world who's gonna let you kiss her after you got her name wrong. Mike:
Radio: It's two twenty five am and this is for all you lovers who still believe she's stuck in traffic. Mike: Yeah, that's probably it, Kate's probably just stuck in traffic, I mean, the theatre is all the way across campus. OK, I'll give her five m
Ben: Oh no, mount, Vesuvius is erupting! Honey you grab the kids, I'll start the chariot and... Glug, glug, glug, this is great, I gotta get an A. Carol: No you won't. Ben: Are you kidding? I got this baby rigged to blow at the push of a button. I m
Ben: Great Stinky, I'll meet you at the mall in twenty minutes. I'll be in women's underwear. No, I didn't get permission yet, but don't worry, it's no sweat. Mike: Benny, excuse me! Women's underwear! Ben: What's that for? I'm not gonna be wearing
Ben: I can't believe it! I just can't believe it; Laura-Lynn standing me up, me! And on Valentine's Day. Carol: Ben, why do you keep going with Laura-Lynn if she makes you so miserable? I mean, I don't mean to sound judgmental but it makes you look
Mike: Due to the continuing flu epidemic, the following teachers will be out today, and their classes cancelled. Oh, Kate you read 'em, I'm too nervous. Kate: Professor Forrest, Chem. and Bio labs. Mike: Oh, I knew I should have taken Chemistry. Kat
Maggie: OK Ben, we'll be back from the theatre by eleven, unless your father springs an after show supper...we'll be back by eleven. Now, you know Chrissy's diapers are and I laid out her pajamas, and I don't think it's a very good idea for you to h