打工姐妹花第一季 第124期:看望栗宝

 Hey, my dude. Look at you and your fancy coat.

嘿，伙计。瞧你珠圆玉润，锦衣华服
Retirement 1 looks good on you.
退休生活过得挺滋润啊
Told you I'd come by to see you.
说过会来看你
Hooked you up with some carrots.
给你带了爱吃的胡萝卜
Bugs 2 Bunny status, like I know you like.
兔八哥的那种，我知道你喜欢
I, uh, I don't know if you got my text.
不知道你收到我短信了没
Probably not a great signal in here, but...your mom might be a little late.
这里信号不太好吧，但...你妈要晚点来
She's coming though 'cause I know she's dying to see you.
她一定会来的，我知道她超级想见你的
All right, man, who am I kidding? She's not coming.
算了，我在骗谁呢。她不会来了
I know that's hard to hear, and trust me, mothers not showing up, I've been there.
我知道这很残酷，相信我，苦等老妈不出现对我来说是家常便饭
But, I know wherever she is, she is thinking of you.
但无论她人在哪里，她都会想着你
Okay, that's not true either. Here's the thing.
好吧，这也是假的。告诉你件事
Your mom is a flake 3.
你妈靠不住
And you got two options, you can sit around feeling sorry for yourself
你有两个选择，要么坐在这里自怨自艾
or you can say, "Hey, my mom's not here.
要么自言自语，说"我妈不在
"I can watch tv all day and then go kick in a neighbor's window because I feel like it."
我可以看一整天电视，然后跑去踹邻居的窗户，只因我心血来潮"
Hey. Hey, look at me.
喂。喂，看着我
The fact that she's not here is not your fault. It's hers.
她不来，不是你的错，是她的错
There, I just saved you, like, 14 inappropriate sexual encounters.
瞧，幸好有我鼓励你，你才不会误入歧途，到处乱搞
Hi, Chestnut 4! Hi, baby. I missed you.
栗宝，宝贝，我想你
I missed you so much. Did you miss me?
我好想你哦，你有想我吗
So you got all the cake mix?
你最后把蛋糕粉如数拿齐了吗
Yes, plus the $23.
对，还拿到了那23美元
And I got you your Pillsbury as well. Paid full price-- it killed me.
我帮你买了贝尔堡的蛋糕粉。全价买的，真要命
You are a freak with the coupons 5.
你就是折价券怪胎
I know. I don't know what came over me.
我知道。我也不知道我当时中什么邪了
When I found a way to make free money I forgot about everyone else.
我学到了免费得馅饼的方法后，我就把其他人抛诸脑后了
Oh, my God. Like my father. Max, I have Ponzi DNA 6.
天啊。就好比我父亲。麦克斯，我有骗子基因
Yeah, cou-Ponzi DNA.
是啊，折"骗"券基因
Must have been hard learning to do everything on your own.
从小就得什么都自学很辛苦吧
I mean, I don't know how to do any of that stuff either, but, I had a staff of 20.
我是说，我也不会做你刚说的每一件事，可是，我有20个人伺候我呢
Yeah, I got staph at 20.
我20的时候还被葡萄球菌伺候过呢
You know, you may think your secret ingredient is a spoonful of Pillsbury, but it's not.
你可能觉得你的秘方是一勺贝尔堡，其实不然
It's you. It's everything you've been through that makes you who you are.
是你。你所经历的一切造就了今天的你
Someone who fights for a box of tampons and fights for a horse's feelings
会为了一盒卫生棉条或一匹马的感受而奋战
and even fights for a box of cake mix when a friend in the middle of a cue-Ponzi panic, asks her to.
甚至当有朋友深陷折价券不能自拔时，你甚至还会为了一盒蛋糕粉，代友出征
This is the part in the lifetime movie version where I get up to pee.
如果这是生活台的剧，那剧情就是我该起身尿尿了
I don't know who you're kidding.
我不知道你想骗谁
You watch the entire movie and then you cry.
剧情应该是，你看完整部电影，然后你号啕大哭
Listen to her, Chestnut. She thinks she has me all figured out.
瞧她那口气，栗宝，她自以为多了解我
What she doesn't know is that when it comes to the cupcakes, I have another secret, secret ingredient.
她不知道其实小蛋糕我还留了一手，我有个超级秘方
Oh, don't tell me it's a pinch of Betty Crocker.
别告诉我是少量贝蒂妙厨的蛋糕粉
I can't tell you. It's a secret ingredient.
我不能说，这可是秘方
Okay, it's chocolate methamphetamine.
好吧，是巧克力味的兴奋剂
No, it's true. Our slogan should be:
不，是真的。所以我们的口号是
They're so good, you'll rob your grandmother.
小蛋糕如此美味，让你六亲不认