【荆棘鸟】第七章 11

  “I know. She was perfectly 1 well when I took her up the stairsabout three, but she must have died almost the moment she retired 2.Mrs. Smith found her at six this evening. By then she’d been deadso long she was hideous 3; the room was shut up like an incubatorall through the heat of the day. Dear Lord, I pray to forget the sightof her! Unspeakable, Harry 4, awful.”

     “She’ll be buried tomorrow?”“She’ll have to be.”“What time is it? Ten? We must eat dinner as late as the Spaniardsin this heat, but no need to worry, it’s too late to start phoningpeople. Would you like me to do that for you, Father?”“Thank you, it would be a great kindness. I only came into Gillyfor vestments. I never expected to be saying a Requiem 5 when Istarted out. I must get back to Drogheda as quickly as I can; theyneed me. The Mass will be at nine in the morning.” 
     “Tell Paddy I’ll bring her will with me, so I can deal with itstraight after the funeral. You’re a beneficiary, too, Father, so I’dappreciate your staying for the reading.”“I’m afraid we have a slight problem, Harry. Mary made anotherwill, you see. Last night after she left the party she gave me a sealedenvelope, and made me promise I’d open it the moment I saw herdead body for myself. When I did so I found it contained a freshwill.” 
     “Mary made a new will? Without me?” 
     “It would appear so. I think it was something she had beenmulling for a long time, but as to why she chose to be so secretiveabout it, I don’t know.”“Do you have it with you now, Father?” “Yes.” The priest reached inside his shirt and handed over thesheets of paper, folded small. 
     The lawyer had no compunction about reading them on the spot.When he finished he looked up, and there was a great deal in hiseyes Father Ralph would rather not have seen. Admiration 6, anger,a certain contempt.“Well, Father, congratulations! You got the lot after all.” Hecould say it, not being a Catholic.“Believe me, Harry, it came as a bigger surprise to me than itdoes to you.”“This is the only copy?”“As far as I know, yes.”“And she gave it to you as late as last night?”“Yes.”“Then why didn’t you destroy it, make sure poor old Paddy gotwhat’s rightfully his? The Church has no right to Mary Carson’spossessions at all.” 
     The priest’s fine eyes were bland 7. “Ah, but that wouldn’t havebeen fitting, Harry, would it now? It was Mary’s property, to disposeof in any manner she wished.”“I shall advise Paddy to contest.”“I think you should.”And on that note they parted. 
     By the time everyone arrived inthe morning to see Mary Carson buried, the whole of Gillanboneand all points of the compass around it would know where themoney was going. The die was cast, there could be no turning back.It was four in the morning when Father Ralph got through the lastgate and into the Home Paddock, for he hadn’t hurried on the returndrive. All through it he had willed his mind to blankness; hewouldn’t let himself think. Not of Paddy or of Fee, or Meggie orthat stinking 8 gross thing they had (he devoutly 9 hoped) poured intoher coffin 10. Instead he opened his eyes and his mind to the night,to the ghostly silver of dead trees standing 11 lonely in the gleaminggrass, to the heart-of- darkness shadows cast by stands of timber, to the full moon ridingthe heavens like an airy bubble. Once he stopped the car and gotout, walked to a wire fence and leaned on its tautness 12 while hebreathed in the gums and the bewitching aroma 13 of wildflowers.The land was so beautiful, so pure, so indifferent to the fates of thecreatures who presumed to rule it. They might put their hands toit, but in the long run it ruled them. Until they could direct theweather and summon up the rain, it had the upper hand.He parked his car some distance behind the house and walkedslowly toward it. Every window was full of light; faintly from thehousekeeper’s quarters he could hear the sound of Mrs. Smithleading the two Irish maids in a rosary. A shadow moved underthe blackness of the wistaria vine; he stopped short, his hacklesrising. She had got to him in more ways than one, the old spider.But it was only Meggie, patiently waiting for him to come back.She was in jodhpurs and boots, very much alive.“You gave me a fright,” he said abruptly 14.“I’m sorry, Father, I didn’t mean to. But I didn’t want to be insidethere with Daddy and the boys, and Mum is still down at our housewith the babies. I suppose I ought to be praying with Mrs. Smithand Minnie and Cat, but I don’t feel like praying for her. That’s asin, isn’t it?”He was in no mood to pander 15 to the memory of Mary Carson.“I don’t think it’s a sin, Meggie, whereas hypocrisy 16 is. I don’t feellike praying for her, either. She wasn’t…a very good person.” Hissmile flashed. “So if you’ve sinned in saying it, so have I, and moreseriously at that. I’m supposed to love everyone, a burden whichisn’t laid upon you.”“Are you all right, Father?”“Yes, I’m all right.” He looked up at the house, and sighed. “Idon’t want to be in there, that’s all. I don’t want to be where sheis until it’s light and the demons 17 of the darkness are driven away. If I saddle the horses, will youride with me until dawn?”Her hand touched his black sleeve, fell. “I don’t want to go inside,either.”“Wait a minute while I put my soutane in the car.”“I’ll go on to the stables.”For the first time she was trying to meet him on his ground, adultground; he could sense the difference in her as surely as he couldsmell the roses in Mary Carson’s beautiful gardens. Roses. Ashesof roses. Roses, roses, everywhere. Petals 18 in the grass. Roses ofsummer, red and white and yellow. Perfume of roses, heavy andsweet in the night. Pink roses, bleached 19 by the moon to ashes.Ashes of roses, ashes of roses. My Meggie, I have forsaken 20 you.But can’t you see, you’ve become a threat? Therefore have I crushedyou beneath the heel of my ambition; you have no more substanceto me than a bruised 21 rose in the grass. The smell of roses. The smellof Mary Carson. Roses and ashes, ashes of roses.“Ashes of roses,” he said, mounting. “Let’s get as far from thesmell of roses as the moon. Tomorrow the house will be full ofthem.”He kicked the chestnut 22 mare 23 and cantered ahead of Meggie downthe track to the creek 24, longing 25 to weep; for until he smelled the futureadornments of Mary Carson’s coffin it had not actually impingedon his thinking brain as an imminent 26 fact. He would begoing away very soon. Too many thoughts, too many emotions,all of them ungovernable. They wouldn’t leave him in Gilly a dayafter learning the terms of that incredible will; they would recallhim to Sydney immediately. Immediately! He fled from his pain,never having known such pain, but it kept pace with him effortlessly.It wasn’t something in a vague sometime; it was going to happenimmediately. And he could almost see Paddy’s face, the revulsion,the turning away. After this he wouldn’t be welcome on Drogheda, and hewould never see Meggie again.The disciplining began then, hammered by hoofs 27 and in a sensationof flying. It was better so, better so, better so. Galloping 28 onand on. Yes, it would surely hurt less then, tucked safely in somecell in a bishop’s palace, hurt less and less, until finally even theache faded from consciousness. It had to be better so. Better thanstaying in Gilly to watch her change into a creature he didn’t want,then have to marry her one day to some unknown man. Out ofsight, out of mind.Then what was he doing with her now, riding through the standof box and coolibah on the far side of the creek? He couldn’t seemto think why, he only felt the pain. Not the pain of betrayal; therewasn’t room for that. Only for the pain of leaving her.“Father, Father! I can’t keep up with you! Slow down, Father,please!”It was the call to duty, and reality. Like a man in slow motionhe wrenched 29 the mare around, sat it until it had danced out its excitement.And waited for Meggie to catch him up. That was thetrouble. Meggie was catching 30 him up.Close by them was the roar of the borehead, a great steamingpool smelling of sulphur, with a pipe like a ship’s ventilator jettingboiling water into its depths. All around the perimeter 31 of the littleelevated lake like spokes 32 from a wheel’s hub, the bore drainsdribbled off across the plain whiskered in incongruously emeraldgrass. The banks of the pool were slimy grey mud, and the freshwatercrayfish called yabbies lived in the mud.Father Ralph started to laugh. “It smells like Hell, Meggie, doesn’tit? Sulphur and brimstone, right here on her own property, in herown backyard. She ought to recognize the smell when she getsthere decked in roses, oughtn’t she? Oh, Meggie…”The horses were trained to stand on a dangling 33 rein 34; there wereno fences nearby, and no trees closer than half a mile away. But there was a log on the side of the pool farthestfrom the borehead itself, where the water was cooler. It was theseat provided for winter bathers as they dried their feet and legs.Father Ralph sat down and Meggie sat some way from him,turned side on to watch him.“What’s the matter, Father?”It sounded peculiar 35, his off-asked question from her lips, to him.He smiled.
 

"我知道。3点钟左右我扶她上楼的时候，她还一点儿事都没有呢。可是，她一定是在刚就寝的那工夫死去的。今天傍晚6点钟，史密斯太太发现她去世了。到那时为止，她已经死了好长时间，人都变得不像样了。那房间关闭得就像是一个细菌培养室，一整天的热气都闷在里面。上帝啊，要是我能忘记见到她那副模样时的情景就好了！简直没法说，哈里，太可怕了。"
　　"她明天就下葬吗？"
　　"必须下葬。"
　　"什么时候？10点钟？在这种热天，我们得象西班牙人那样晚用餐了。不过，不用担心，反正现在动手打电话通知人们已经晚了。你愿意让我替你效劳去办这件事吧，神父？"
　　"谢谢，这太承你的情了。我到基里来只是为了取法衣的。在我启程之前，根本就没想到做追思弥撒。我必须尽快赶回德罗海达，他们需要我。明天早晨9点钟开始做弥撒。"
　　"告诉帕迪，我将带着她的遗嘱前往。这样，葬礼之后我就可以直接处理这件事了。神父，你也是一位受益者，因此，你留下读一读这份遗嘱，我将不胜感激。"
　　"哈里，恐怕咱们还有一点小问题。你知道，玛丽另立了一份遗嘱。昨天夜里她离开宴会之后，给了我一个加了封的信封，让我答应在我亲眼看到她的尸体的时候打开它。当我照办的时候，我发现里面装着一份新的遗嘱。"
　　"玛丽立了一个新遗嘱？没有通过我？"
　　"显然是这样的。我想，这是一件经过她长期仔细考虑过的东西。但是，至于她为什么需要选择对它保密，我就不得而知了。
　　"你现在把它带来了吗，神父？"
　　"带来了。"教士把手伸进了衣裾，拿出了几页折得很小的纸。律师当即无动于衷地将它读了一遍。他看完之后，抬起了头；拉尔夫神父没想到在他的眼睛中看到了错综复杂的表情：羡慕、愤怒、某种蔑视的神态。
　　"唔，神父，恭喜恭喜！你终究得到这笔财产了。"他不是天主教徒，可以讲这样的话。
　　"请相信我，哈里，我看到它的时候，比你还要吃惊。"
　　"这就是唯一的一份吗？"
　　"据我所知，是的。"
　　"而她迟至昨天夜里才交给你吗？"
　　"是的"
　　"那么，你为什么不把它毁掉，以保证可怜的老帕迪能得到他有充分权利应该得到的东西？教会根本没有权利得到玛丽·卡森的财产。"
　　教士那双漂亮的眼睛毫不为之所动。"啊，但是这事现在已成定局了，哈里，对吗？这是玛丽的财产，她爱怎么处理就怎么处理。"
　　"我要建议帕迪起诉。"
　　"我想，你会这样做的。"
　　话说到这里他们就分手了。等到大家在早晨赶去观看玛丽·卡森的葬礼时，整个基兰博及所有附近的地区都会知道这笔钱属于谁了。死者长已矣。一切皆无可挽回。
　　当拉尔夫神父穿过最后一道门进入家内圈地的时候，已经是凌晨4时了；因为他并不急于开车返回来。一路上，他希望自己的脑子里一片空白，他不愿意让自己思考。既不想帕迪、菲或梅吉，也不想那具他们已经放进棺材里（他虔诚地希望如此）的恶臭、臃肿的东西。相反，他让自己的双眼和脑子去看、去想这夜色。那孤零零地挺立在闪着微光的草地上的死树，幽灵般地闪着银白色。他要去看、去想那一堆堆的木材投下的黑色的阴影。和那在天空中浮动着的、缥缈的一轮满月。有一次，他把汽车停下一走了下来，走到了一段铁丝栅栏旁，靠在绷紧的铁丝上，在桉树和野花的醉人芳香中呼吸着。这片土地如此美丽，如此纯洁，对擅自控制它的人们的命运是如此的冷漠。他们也许能攫取它，但是在漫漫的岁月中却是它控制了他们。除非他们能够呼风唤雨，否则，总是这片大地统治他们。
　　他把汽车停在房后稍远的地方，慢慢地向房子走去。第一扇窗子都是灯火通明，在女管家的房间里，他隐隐约约听到史密斯太太正在指挥着玫瑰园里的两个女仆。紫藤架的黑影里有个人影在走动着；他蓦地站住了，不由自主地毛骨悚然。这个老蜘蛛变着法缠着他。然而，那不过是梅吉，正在耐心地等待着他回来。她穿着马裤和靴子，显得生气勃勃。
　　"你吓了我一跳。"他猛地说道。
　　"对不起，神父，我没有那个意思。不过，我不想和爹、还有那些小子们呆在里面。妈还带着婴儿呆在家里呢。我想，我应该和史密斯太太、明妮和凯特一起祈祷，可是我不情愿为她祈祷。这是一种罪孽，对吗？"
　　他没有情绪勾起对玛丽·卡森的回忆。"我并不认为这是一种罪孽，梅吉，这反倒是一种虚伪，我也不愿意为她祈祷。她不是……一个非常好的人。"他脸上闪过一丝笑意。"所以，假如你觉得这样讲是有罪的话，那我也有罪，而且罪孽更深重。我被想象成是爱一切人的，你却没有这种负担。"
　　"你没事吧，神父？"
　　"对，我很好。"他抬头望着这幢房子，叹了口气。"我不想呆在这里面，就是这么回事。在她呆过的地方没有光明，黑暗之魔没被驱走之前，我不想呆在她呆过的地方。如果我跃上马背，你愿意陪我骑到黎明吗？"
　　她的手碰了一下他的黑袖子，又放了下去。"我也不愿进里面去。"
　　"等一下，我把法衣放到汽车里去。"
　　"我到马厩去。"
　　她第一次试图从他的立场，他那成年人的立场出发去和他相会；他清晰地感觉到了她身上的这种这化，就像清晰地嗅到了玛丽·卡森那美丽的花园中的玫瑰花香一样。玫瑰花啊。苍白的玫瑰花。玫瑰花，玫瑰花，处处开遍了玫瑰花。草原上的片片花瓣哟，夏日的玫瑰，红的、白的、黄的。玫瑰的芬芳波郁，甜美地飘荡在夜空中。粉红色的玫瑰，深深的月光将它冲淡成了苍白的颜色。苍白的玫瑰哟，苍白的玫瑰。我的梅吉，我已经把你抛弃了。可是，难道你不明白，你已经变成一种威胁了吗？因此，我已经把你的在我抱负的鞋跟下碾碎了，你对我不过是草原上的一朵被跟碎的玫瑰罢了。玫瑰的芳香。玛丽。卡森散发出的气味、玫瑰和苍白色，苍白的玫瑰。
　　"苍白的玫瑰。"他说着，翻身下马。"让我们像月亮那样远离这玫瑰的芳香吧。明天，这幢房子里将飘满玫瑰花香。"
　　他踢了一下那匹栗色牝马，赶到了梅吉的前面，顺着通往小河的道路慢慢跑去。他想哭一哭才好，在他嗅到玛丽·卡森那进一步装饰起来的棺材的气味之前，这种气味作为一个即将面临的事实未使他思绪如麻的头脑受到实际的冲击。他会很快就离去的。思如潮，情如潮一样澎湃难遏。在得知了那个令人难以置信的遗嘱的条款之后，他在基里是无法摆脱这种状态的，这如潮思绪使他想马上到悉尼去。马上！他要逃脱这种折磨，好象从来不知道有这么回事，可是。这种痛苦却紧追不舍；他无能为力。并不是一件说不清什么时候才会发生的事，而是马上就要临头的事，他几乎都能扯到帕迪的面几了：充满了嫌恶，掉头而去。此后，在德罗海达他不会受到欢迎了，再也不会见到梅吉了。
　　随后，惩罚就开始了。蹄声得得，令人觉得像飞一样。这样好些，这样好些，这样好些。疾驰，疾驰了是的，安安稳稳地躲进大主教邸宅的一间小屋中，这样感情上的打击肯定会越来越小，直到这种精神上的痛苦终于消逝。这样要好一些。这样总比留在基里，眼巴巴地看着她长成一个大姑娘，然后有朝一日嫁给一个未知的男人要好一些。眼不见为净，心不想不烦。
　　那儿，眼睛他和她做些什么好呢？驰过小河远处的那片黄杨树和橡胶树林吗？他似乎无法去想为什么了；只是感到痛苦。这并不是背叛的痛苦，已经没有感到这种痛苦的余地了。他只是为了将要离开她而痛苦万分。
　　"神父！神父！我跟不上你了！慢点儿，神父，求求你！"
　　这叫声唤起了他的责任感，使他回到了现实中。就像个姿势迟钝的人一样，他猛地勒住了马头。那牝马原地打转，直到它兴奋地跳了个够，他才松开缰绳。等待着梅吉赶上他，这正是令人苦恼的事。梅吉正在追赶着他。
　　在离他们不远的地方。一台钻孔机在隆隆作响。这里有一个很大的、冒着蒸汽的池塘，散发着硫磺味，一根象轮船上的送风管一样的管子从它的深处钻出了沸腾的水。这热气腾腾的池塘的四围，就像是从轮载中伸出的轮辐。那钻孔机喷出的水，涓涓流过平埋的、毛茸茸的、宛若绿宝石般的草地。池塘的岸边几乎全是灰色的烂泥，烂泥中有一种叫做"亚比斯"的淡水鳌虾。
　　拉尔夫神父笑了起来。"梅吉，这味道像地狱的味，是吗？就在她的产业中，在她的后院中，有硫磺和硫磺石。当她装饰着玫瑰花到地狱里去的时候，她应该闻到达种味儿的，对吧？哦，梅吉……"
　　这些马受过驯练，不拉着缰绳它们也会站着不动。附近没有栅栏，半英里之内也没有树木。便是，池塘边上，离钻孔机不远的地方有一根圆木，那里的水要凉一些，这是供冬浴的人擦脚擦腿时的座位。
　　拉尔夫神父坐了下来，梅吉和他拉开一点儿距离坐了下来，转过身来望着他。
　　"怎么了，神父？"
　　这是她常向他提问的一句话，但这次听起来有些特别。他微微一笑。