【荆棘鸟】第五章 10

"啊！亲爱的基督啊！"狂刀像旋风一样离开了他，他弯下身子，浑身颤抖，用手拼命地抠自己的嘴，好像要把说了不该说的话的舌头扯出来。"我不是这个意思！我不是这个意思！找不是这个意思！"
　　帕迪的话刚一出口，拉尔夫就放开了梅吉，紧紧地抓住了弗兰克。他把弗兰克的右臂扭到背后，用左臂绕住弗兰克的脖子，勒住他。拉尔夫身强力壮。紧紧地夹住弗兰克--使他无力反抗。弗兰克想挣开身子，但他的反抗失败了；他摇摇头，表示屈服。梅吉扑在地上，跪在那里哭泣着；她的眼光无可奈何地从哥哥身上移到父亲身上。她苦苦的哀求着，她不知道出了什么事，但她明白，这件事意味着她再也不能同时保住他们两人了。
　　"你就是这个意思，"弗兰克嘶哑地说道，"我要是早明白就好了！我要是早明白就好了，"他吃力地把头转向了拉尔夫神父，"神父，放开我吧，我不会碰他的，上帝保佑，我不会碰他的。"
　　"上帝保佑你？上帝会让你的灵魂烂掉的！让你们俩的灵魂都烂掉！要是你们毁了这孩子，我就把你们宰了！"神父怒吼着，现在他是唯一发怒的人了，"你们知道吗？我是怕我不在你们俩会互相残杀，才把她留在这儿的，结果却让她听到了这番话！我真该让你们互相残杀，你们这两个卑鄙、自私的白痴！"
　　"好吧，我要走了，"弗兰克用奇怪的、无力的声音说道，"我要去参加吉米的拳击班，我不会再回来了。"
　　"你一定得回来，"帕迪喃喃说道。"我怎么对你妈说呢？对她来说，你比我们所有人加起来还重要，她决不会宽恕我的。"
　　"告诉她，我去参加吉米的拳击班了，因为我想出人头地。这是实话。"
　　弗兰克异样的黑眼睛闪着嘲讽的光芒。这眼睛还在神父初次见到时就使他感到惊奇，灰眼睛的菲和蓝眼睛的帕迪怎么能生出黑眼睛的儿子？拉尔夫懂得孟德尔①定律；即使菲的灰眼睛也不可能造成这种现象。
　　①孟德尔，1882-1884年，奥地利生物学家、遗传学家。--译注
　　弗兰克拾起帽子和外套。"噢，这是实话！我早就该明白的你没有妈妈在一间房子里弹钢琴的回忆！这表明你是在我后边得到她的，她先属于我。"他哑然而笑，
 

"Oh, dear Jesus!" His rage quit him like a howling wind, he sagged 1 and shriveled and his hands plucked at his mouth as if to tear out the tongue which had uttered the unutterable. "I didn't mean it, I didn't mean it! 1 didn't mean it!" The moment the words were out Father Ralph let go of Meggie and grabbed Frank. He had Frank's right arm twisted behind him, his own left arm around Frank's neck, throttling 2 him. And he was strong, the grip paralyzing; Frank fought to be free of him, then suddenly his resistance flagged and he shook his head in submission 3. Meggie had fallen to the floor and knelt there, weeping, her eyes going from her brother to her father in helpless, beseeching 4 agony. She didn't understand what had happened, but she knew it meant she couldn't keep them both.
"You meant it," Frank croaked 5. "I must always have known it! I must always have known it." He tried to turn his head to Father Ralph. "Let me go, Father. I won't touch him; so help me God I won't."
"So help you God? God rot your souls, both of you! If you've ruined the child I'll kill you!" the priest roared, the only one angry now. "Do you realize I had to keep her here to listen to this, for fear if I took her away you'd kill each other while I was gone? I ought to have let you do it, you miserable 6, self-centered cretins!"
"It's all right, I'm going," Frank said in a strange, empty voice. "I'm going to join Jimmy Sharman's troupe 7, and I won't be back."
"You've got to come back!" Paddy whispered. "What can I tell your mother? You mean more to her than the rest of us put together. She'll never forgive me!"
"Tell her I went to join Jimmy Sharman because I want to be someone. It's the truth."
"What I said-it wasn't true, Frank."
Frank's alien black eyes flashed scornfully, the eyes the priest had wondered at the first time he saw them; what were grey-eyed Fee and blue-eyed Paddy doing with a black-eyed son? Father Ralph knew his Mendelian laws, and didn't think even Fee's greyness made it possible. Frank picked up his hat and coat. "Oh, it was true! I must always have known it. The memories of Mum playing her spinet 8 in a room you could never have owned! The feeling you hadn't always been there, that you came after me. That she was mine first." He laughed soundlessly.