【荆棘鸟】第三章 07

 "I do doubt. What thinking man doesn't? That's why at times I'm empty." He looked beyond her, at something she couldn't see. "Do you know, I think I'd give up every ambition, every desire in me, for the chance to be a perfect priest?"
  "Perfection in anything," she said, "is unbearably 1 dull. Myself, I prefer a touch of imperfection."
  He laughed, looking at her in admiration 2 tinged 3 with envy. She was a remarkable 4 woman.
  Her widowhood was thirty-three years old and her only child, a son, had died in infancy 5. Because of her peculiar 6 status in the Gillanbone community she had not availed herself of any of the overtures 7 made to her by the more ambitious males of her acquaintance; as Michael Carson's widow she was indisputably a queen, but as someone's wife she passed control "of all she had to that someone. Not Mary Carson's idea of living, to play second fiddle 8. So she had abjured 9 the flesh, preferring to wield 10 power; it was inconceivable that she should take a lover, for when it came to gossip Gillanbone was as receptive as a wire to an electrical current. To prove herself human and weak was not a part of her obsession 11.
  But now she was old enough to be officially beyond the drives of the body. If the new young priest was assiduous in his duties to her and she rewarded him with little gifts like a car, it was not at all incongruous. A staunch pillar of the Church all her life, she had supported her parish and its spiritual leader in fitting fashion even when Father Kelly had hiccupped his way through the Mass. She was not alone in feeling charitably inclined toward Father Kelly's successor; Father Ralph de Bricassart was deservedly popular with every member of his flock, rich or poor. If his more remote parishioners could not get into Gilly to see him, he went to them, and until Mary Carson had given him his car he had gone on horseback. His patience and kindness had brought him liking 12 from all and sincere love from some; Martin King of Bugela had expensively refurnished the presbytery, Dominic O'Rourke of Dibban-Dibban paid the salary of a good housekeeper 13.
  So from the pedestal of her age and her position Mary Carson felt quite safe in enjoying Father Ralph; she liked matching her wits against a brain as intelligent as her own, 
 

“我确实抱有怀疑。有思想的人对什么不怀疑呢？这就是我为什么常常感到空
虚的原因。”他望着她背后的某种她所看不见的什么东西。“我想，我为了能成为
一个完美无暇的教士，已经抛弃了我的一切抱负、所有欲念，这你知道吗？”
 
    “不论什么事，完美无缺总是枯燥难耐的，”她说道，“我本人倒喜欢少许带
点儿暇疵。”
 
    他笑了起来，赞赏而又多少有些炉忌地望着她。她真是个非同寻常的女人。
 
    她已经孀居了33个春秋，唯一的儿子还在摇篮里的时候就死去了。由于她在基
兰搏的地位非同一般，因此她从来没考虑过她所熟识的几个雄心勃勃的男人向她作
出的表示；作为迈克尔·卡森的未亡人，她是个无可争议的女人，但作为某人的妻
子，她得把她对一切的控制权都交给了那个人。但玛丽·卡森对生活的想法并不是
当个副手。因此，她发誓弃绝肉欲，宁愿玩权弄势。她会有个情夫，这是完全无可
置疑的。因为就流言蜚语而言，基兰博就象根适合于传电的导线。但她既不通达人
情也没有一般人的弱点。
 
    可是现在，她已经被公认到了耄耋之年，不复有肉体上的冲动了。倘若新来的
年轻神父对她勤于职守，而她回赠给他诸如小汽车之类的薄礼，这根本没有什么不
当。她一生都是教会的坚实栋梁，一直以相称的方式支持她的教区和教区的宗教首
领，甚至在凯利神父做弥撒时一个劲儿地打嗝儿的情况下也是如此。对凯利神父的
继承者心怀好感、宽厚相待的并不是她一个人；拉尔夫·德·布里克萨特神父也受
到了他教区每一个教民的理所当然的拥戴，不管是富者还是穷人。如果住在较远的
教区的教民不能到基里来见他的话，他就去看望他们：在玛丽·卡森没送他汽车之
前，他是骑着马去的。他的耐心与仁慈使他博得了全体教民的喜欢，以及部分教民
的由衷地爱戴。布格拉的马丁花了不少钱修葺了神父的住宅：迪班—迪班的多米尼
克·奥鲁尔克出钱雇了一名好管家。
      
  因此，玛丽·卡森从她那受人尊重的年纪和地位出发，觉得她是可以安然无事
地细玩慢赏拉尔夫神父的。她喜欢和一个与她同样聪明的头脑斗智，她喜欢智胜他，
因为她对自己实际上是否智胜了他根本没有把握。