ESL之人际交往 07 Moving in Together

07 Moving in Together

GLOSSARY 1

to go out – to date someone; to be involved in a romantic relationship withsomeone, but not be married* Did you hear that Wendy and Gil started going out last month?

heart-to-heart – a serious and sincere conversation between two people abouttheir feelings* Eva needs to have a heart-to-heart with her husband and let him know why shedoesn’t like him to work late every evening.

uh oh – a phrase used to show that one is worried about something, or afraidthat something will be bad or dangerous* Uh oh.  I think I left the oven on.  I’d better go home right away to turn it off.

What is this all about? – What are you talking about?  What is this leading to? What are you trying to say?

* Marvin keeps talking about marriage and babies.  What is this all about?  Doyou think he’s going to ask Moira to marry him?

to move things to the next level – to make something more serious andsignificant; to move a romantic relationship forward* Corrine and Youngwoo agreed that it was time to move things to the next level,so they’re going to be married in June.

to move in – to begin to share a home; to begin to live with another person* I’m going back to college and plan to move in with my brother for the next twoyears.

conservative 3 – traditional; old-fashioned; not liberal* Some conservative people believe that men should work and women shouldstay at home with the children.

to approve – to think that something is good; to give someone one’s permissionto do something; to say that it is okay for someone to do something* That girl is wearing a very short skirt.  I can’t believe her mother approved ofher buying it.

a matter of – about; related to; a question of; involving* It’s only a matter of time before the economy slows down.

to adore 4 – to like or love something or someone very much* Shannon adores 5 having breakfast with her girlfriends every Saturday morning.

to go against (something) – to not agree with something; to be opposed tosomething* Eating pork goes against the teachings of some religions.

belief – an opinion about something; something that one thinks is true* It’s our belief that our company needs to change our image or we won’t survivefor another year.

to go on – to continue; to be the same* I wish we could go on skiing forever, but it’s starting to get dark.

to be joined at the hip 2 –  to be together all the time; to always be with eachother* Betty and her sister seem to be joined at the hip.  I’ve never seen one withoutthe other.

to want more space – to want to spend more time away from someone else; towant to spend less time with someone; to want more independence in a romantic relationship* Edgar told his girlfriend that he wanted more space to spend time with his friends.

to rock the boat – to change things in a bad way; to make things difficult orconfusing; to change a situation so that it becomes worse* Nobody likes Will’s decision, but they don’t want to rock the boat by telling himso.

to hold off on (something) – to postpone 6 or delay something; to decide to dosomething later than originally planned* Angie wants to hold off on going to college and travel in Europe for a year aftershe finishes high school.

COMPREHENSION QUESTIONS1.  How would Paula’s parents react if she moved in with Simon ?

a)  They would be unhappy.

b)  They would adore Simon.

c)  They would approve.

2.  What does Paula want to do?

a)  She wants to rock the boat with Simon.

b)  She wants to wait to talk about moving in together.

c)  She wants to be joined at the hip.

______________WHAT ELSE DOES IT MEAN?

to move inThe phrase “to move in,” in this podcast, means to begin to share a home andlive with another person, usually romantically: “Moving in with your boyfriend is abig decision.”  A similar phrase, “to move out,” means to leave the place whereone is living: “Charlene decided 7 to move out of the apartment that she was sharing with two friends and start living alone.”  The phrase “to move into(something)” means to begin living in a new home: “We’re going to move into ournew apartment on February 28th.”  Finally, the phrase “to move on” means tobegin talking about something else.  For example, in a meeting someone mightsay, “Now that we have finished discussing the new marketing 8 plan, let’s moveon to the next topic.” conservativeIn this podcast, the word “conservative” means traditional or old-fashioned: “Herstyle of dress is very conservative.  She always wears long skirts and shirts withhigh necks.”  Or, “American country music is very popular among someconservative people.”  The word “conservative” can also be a noun: “Americancountry music is very popular among conservatives 9.”  Or, “How many U.S.

Presidents have been conservatives?”  The phrase “a conservative estimate”

means a guess on the low side of a number, meaning that one thinks the actualnumber is probably higher: “Their conservative estimate is that Sheila will sell20,000 copies of her book this year, but sales could be much higher.”  Or, “Somepeople think that hundreds of people may have died in the hurricane, but ourconservative estimate is that 50 people have died.”

CULTURE NOTEIn the United States, many “couples” (two people in a romantic relationship)decide to move in together before they get married.  Sometimes these peopledecide to live together without ever getting married.

When a man and a woman live together for a long period of time, they may havea “common-law marriage.”  Each state has different laws, but in general a“common-law marriage” “occurs” (happens) when the couple has lived togetherfor a specific period of time (usually a few years) and is acting 10 like husband andwife.  The couple never has a marriage “ceremony” or wedding, but they areofficially and legally married.  By law, a common-law marriage is just like aregular marriage and has all the same “tax benefits” (married couples pay less intaxes than single people do) as official marriages do.  If two people in a commonlaw marriage decide to separate, they must have a divorce just like a couple inan official marriage.

In many states, “homosexual” couples, meaning man-man or woman-womanromantic relationships, are not able to have a regular marriage or a common-lawmarriage.  When these couples live together for a long period of time, somestates recognize the situation as a “domestic 11 partnership 12.”  In some states, this gives the couple the benefits of being married, such as sharing “property” (landor homes), “health insurance” (payments for medical costs), money, and the“custody” (legal responsibility for) children. The issue of homosexual or “same-sex” marriage is very “controversial” (with alot of public disagreement) in the U.S.  Many Americans believe that same-sex couples should have the same rights to marry as other couples.  At the sametime, many people are against homosexual marriage because they believe thatmarriage should only be between “heterosexual” or man-woman couples. However, most Americans recognize the importance of some legal recognition 13 ofsame-sex relationships, such as domestic partnerships 14.

______________Comprehension Questions Correct Answers:  1 – a; 2 – b

COMPLETE TRANSCRIPTWelcome to English as a Second Language Podcast number 258: Moving inTogether.

This is English as a Second Language Podcast episode 15 258.  I'm your host, Dr.

Jeff McQuillan, coming to you from the Center for Educational Development inbeautiful Los Angeles, California. Remember to visit our website at eslpod.com, and download a Learning Guidefor this episode, as well as take look at some of the new features we now haveon our website.

The topic today is called “Moving in Together.”  Let's listen.

[start of story]

My girlfriend and I have been going out for a year and I thought it was time tohave a heart-to-heart with her.

Simon:  I have something I want to talk to you about.  Can you come over hereand sit down for a minute?

Paula:  Uh oh.  Is something wrong?

Simon:  No, nothing’s wrong.  In fact, everything’s right.  We’ve been together fora year and I’ve been happier than I’ve ever been.

Paula:  Me, too.  Things are going great.  What is this all about?

Simon:  I want us to move things to the next level.  I want us to move in together. Paula:  Simon, I love you, but we can’t do that.  You know how conservative my parents are.  They would never approve. Simon:  They like me, don’t they?

Paula:  It’s not a matter of whether they like you or not.  They both adore you as much as I do.  But two people moving in together before they’re married goesagainst their beliefs and mine.

Simon:  But don’t you want to?

Paula:  I’m very happy with you, but I want things to go on as they are.  Wespend so much time together anyway, we’re almost joined at the hip. Simon:  Are you saying you want more space?

Paula:  No!  What I’m saying is that I don’t want to rock the boat when things aregoing so well.  Why don’t we hold off on any more talk about moving in together.

Simon:  I suppose that’s okay - for now.   [end of story]

Our dialogue begins with Simon saying that his girlfriend and he “have beengoing out for a year.”  To go out, in this case, means to be dating each other - tobe in a romantic relationship with each other. He says that he “thought it was time to have a heart-to-heart with” his girlfriend. The expression to “have a heart-to-heart” means to have an honest discussion,usually about some personal matter or some important private business that youhave with this person, often to tell them what you really think, even though thatmight be difficult.

Simon says to Paula that he has something that he wants to talk to her about,and he asks her to “come over and sit down for a minute.”

Paula says, “Uh oh.  Is something wrong?”  The expression “uh oh,” which is usually spelled “uh” and then the second word, “oh,” means, or is used when weare indicating that there might be a problem or that there is a problem withsomething. So, she asks Simon, “Is something wrong?”

And Simon says, “No, nothing’s wrong.  In fact, everything’s right” - everything is good.  He says, “We’ve been together for a year and I’ve been happier than I’veever been.”

Paula says, “Me, too.”  Remember, in informal English we usually use theexpression “me, too,” even though it isn't grammatically 16 correct, we should say,“I, too,” or “I, as well,” but it's much more common to hear people say, “me, too.”

“Things are going great,” Paula says, “What is this all about?”  The expression“what is this all about” is one you would use when you're confused - you don'tknow what the problem is and you want the person to give you the problemdirectly - to stop trying to waste time by talking about other things - “Just tell medirectly with the problem is.”  “What is this all about” - why are we having this conversation?

Simon says that he wants “to move things to the next level,” “level.”  To movethings to the next level means to get more serious about something or to take thenext step.  In this case, it refers to getting more serious about their relationship.

Simon says, “I want us to move in together.”  To move, “move,” in (two words)means for two people to live together in the same house or the same apartment -the same place.  You'll also hear that expression more generally to mean tomove to a new place.  So, your friend may say, “When are you moving into yournew apartment” - what day are you going to take your things and put them inyour new apartment?  In this case, however, it means two people living together.

Paula says, “Simon, I love you, but we can’t do that.  You know how conservativemy parents are.  They would never approve.”  Conservative, “conservative,” inthis case means traditional - someone who believes in more traditional values ormorals.  The opposite would be liberal, “liberal,” someone who does not believein those same values.  Here, we're probably talking about religious or moralvalues than anything else.

You can also talk about conservative and liberal in a political sense.  Our currentpresident is a conservative, and the person that he beat, John Kerry, in theelection was a liberal.  But those are political terms; here, we're using them a littledifferently.

Paula explains that her parents would never approve of them moving in together. To approve, “approve,” in this case means to say okay - to say that it is something that you can do, or to say that it is all right with them - that it doesn'tbother them.  Paula is saying that it will bother them; they would not approve ofthem moving in together.

Simon is confused.  He says, “They like me, don’t they?”  Paula explains why herparents would not approve.  She says, “It’s not a matter of whether they like youor not.”  When we say something is a matter, “matter,” of something else, wemean it's not related to that - it's not an issue of, or it doesn't relate to thatparticular topic or problem.  So in this case, Paula is saying it's not important whether they like you or don't like you, that's not why they would approve ordisapprove.

She says her parents “both adore” Simon as much as she does.  To adore,“adore,” here means to like a lot - to love someone - to think that they arewonderful.  We use this verb in lots of ways.  You can say, “I adore that movie,”

means there really love that movie, or “I adore my aunt.  She's a wonderfulperson.” Paula goes on to say that “two people moving in together before they’re marriedgoes against their beliefs and mine.”  Simon is proposing - is asking - Paula tomove in with him - to live with him even though they are not married.  Many people, many religious traditions in particular, are against the idea of peoplemoving in before they are married legally and within their own religious tradition. And that is what Paula is saying here, that moving in together before they'remarried “goes against their beliefs.”  To go against something means to opposesomething - to be on the opposite side of some issue or opinion.  To go againsttheir beliefs, then, means that it is something that is not consistent 17 with or is notthe same as their beliefs.  Beliefs, “beliefs,” means what they think - their opinion- why they think what they think.

Paula says that she's “very happy” with Simon, but she wants “things to go on as they are,” meaning she wants them to continue as they have been doing already - not to change anything - to go on.  “We spend so much time together,” she says as a joke, “we’re almost joined at the hip.”  To be joined, “joined,” at the hip, “hip,”

means that two people spend almost all of their time together - that they're neverseparated - they're never apart from one another. Your hip is the part of your body where your legs connect to the upper part ofyour body.  So, the top of your legs is where you would say you have your hip. To be joined at the hip means to be connected at the hip, meaning we're always together is what the expression is meant to say here.

Simon asks Paula if she wants more space.  To want more space, “space,”

means, in this case, to have less time together - not to be together so much.  AndPaula says, “No,” that's not the problem.  She says she doesn't “want to rock theboat when things are going so well.”  To rock, “rock,” the boat, “boat,” means tocause problems - to make problems when you don't have to make problems. Literally 18, to rock a boat means to move the boat from side to side, and when youdo that there is a danger that you could fall into the water.  So, the expressionmore generally means to make problems or make trouble for yourself, even whenyou don't have to do that.

Paula says, “Why don’t we hold off on any more talk about moving in together.” To hold off on something means to wait and not do something right now.  “Let's hold off on that” - let's wait and not do that - maybe later, or if some situationchanges we can think about it.  But she's saying here that she doesn't want totalk about it, and that is the end of the dialogue!

Now let's listen to the dialogue, this time at a normal speed.

[start of story]

My girlfriend and I have been going out for a year and I thought it was time tohave a heart-to-heart with her.

Simon:  I have something I want to talk to you about.  Can you come over hereand sit down for a minute?

Paula:  Uh oh.  Is something wrong?

Simon:  No, nothing’s wrong.  In fact, everything’s right.  We’ve been together fora year and I’ve been happier than I’ve ever been.

Paula:  Me, too.  Things are going great.  What is this all about?

Simon:  I want us to move things to the next level.  I want us to move in together. Paula:  Simon, I love you, but we can’t do that.  You know how conservative my parents are.  They would never approve. Simon:  They like me, don’t they?

Paula:  It’s not a matter of whether they like you or not.  They both adore you as much as I do.  But two people moving in together before they’re married goesagainst their beliefs and mine.

Simon:  But don’t you want to?

Paula:  I’m very happy with you, but I want things to go on as they are.  Wespend so much time together anyway, we’re almost joined at the hip. Simon:  Are you saying you want more space?

Paula:  No!  What I’m saying is that I don’t want to rock the boat when things aregoing so well.  Why don’t we hold off on any more talk about moving in together.

Simon:  I suppose that's okay - for now.

[end of story]

The script for today's podcast was written by Dr. Lucy Tse.

From Los Angeles, California, I'm Jeff McQuillan.  Thanks for listening.  We'll seeyou next time on ESL Podcast.

English as a Second Language Podcast is written and produced by Dr. Lucy Tse,hosted by Dr. Jeff McQuillan.  This podcast is copyright 2007.