散文:THE BEGINNING OF A CARREER

There is something fascinating about reading other people's mail if you are allowed to. Here is your chance to read the letters of American writer Sylvia Plath, which she wrote home to her mother from a hotel where she had a summer job as a waitress. At the time, she was a college student and was still at the start of her writing career. Through the letter we learn of her changing thoughts and moods concerning, boys and writing.

THE BEGINNING OF A CARREER

Sylvia Plath

The Belmont Hotel, cape 1 Cod 2

June 11, 1952

Dear Mother,

Your amazing telegram [telegram announcing $500 Mademoiselle prize for "Sunday at the Mintons," which I forwarded] came just as I was scrubbing tables in the shady interior of The Belmont dining room. I was so excited that I screamed and actually threw my arms around the head waitress who no doubt thinks I am rather insane! Anyhow, psychologically, the moment couldn't have been better. I felt tired -- one's first night's sleep in a new place never is peaceful -- and I didn't get much! To top it off, I was the only girl waitress here, and had been scrubbing furniture, washing dishes and silver, lifting tables, etc. since 8 a.m. Also, I just learned since I am completely inexperienced, I am not going to be working in the main dining room, but in the "side hall" where the managers and top hotel brass 3 eat. So, tips will no doubt net much less during the summer and the company be less interesting. So I was beginning to worry about money when your telegram came. God! To think "Sunday at the Mintons" is one of two prize stories to be put in a big national slick! Frankly 4, I can't believe it!

The first thing I though of was: Mother can keep her intersession money and buy some pretty clothes and a special trip or something! At least I get a winter coat and extra special suit out of the Mintons. I think the prize is $500!

ME! Of all people!…

So it's really looking up around here, now that I don't have to be scared stiff about money … Oh, I say, even if my feet kill me after this first week, and I drop 20 trays, I will have the beach, boys to bring me beer, sun, and young gay companions. What a life.

Love, your crazy old daughter.

Sivvy

June 12. 1952

No doubt after I catch up on sleep, and learn to balance trays high on my left hand, I'll feel much happier. As it is now, I feel stuck in the midst of a lot of loud, brassy Irish Catholics, and the only way I can jolly myself is to say, "Oh, well, it's only for a summer, and I can maybe write about them all." At least I've got a new name for my next protagonist 5 -- Marley, a gabby girl who knows her way around but good. The ration 6 of boys to girls has gotten less and less, so I'll be lucky if I get tagged by the youngest kid here. Lots of the girls are really wise, drinking flirts 7. As for me, being the conservative, quiet, gracious type, I don't stand much chance of dating some of the cutest ones … If I can only get "in" as a pal 8 with these girls, and never for a minute let them know I'm the gentle intellectual type, it'll be O.K.

As for the Mlle news, I don't think it's really sunk in yet. I felt sure they made a mistake, or that you'd made it up to cheer me. The big advantage will be that I won't have to worry about earning barely $300 this summer. I would really have been sick otherwise. I can't wait till August when I can go casually 9 down to the drug store and pick up a slick copy of Mlle, flip 10 to the index, and see ME, one of two college girls in the U.S.!

Really, when I think of how I started it over spring vacation, polished it at school, and sat up till midnight in the Haven 11 House kitchen typing it amidst noise and chatter 12, I can't get over how the story soared to were it did…

I get great pleasure out of sharing it [her feeling about the story] with you, who really understand how terribly much it means as a tangible 13 testimony 14 that I have got a germ of writing ability. The only thing, I probably won't have a chance to win Mlle again, so I'll try for a guest editorship maybe next or my senior year, and set my sights for the Atlantic. God, I'm glad I can talk about it with you -- probably you're the only outlet 15 that I'll have that won't get tired of my talking about writing …

Speaking again of Henry and Liz, it was a step for me to a story where the protagonist isn't always ME, and proved that I am beginning to use imagination to transform the actual incident. I was scared that would never happen, but I think it's an indication that my perspective is broadening.

Sometime I think -- heck, I don't know why I didn't stay home all summer, writing, doing physical science, and having a small part-time job. I could "afford" to now, but it doesn't do much good to yearn 16 about that, I guess. Although it would have been nice. Oh well, I'll cheer up. I love you.

Your own Sivvy

June 15, 1952

Dear Mother.

… Do write me letters, Mommy, because I am in a very dangerous of feeling sorry for myself … Just at present, life is awful. Mademoiselle seems quite unreal, and I am exhausted 17, scared, incompetent 18, unenergetic and generally low is spirits … Working in side hall puts me part, and I feel completely uprooted 19 and clumsy. The more I see the main hall girls expertly getting special dishes, fixing shaved ice and fruit, etc., the more I get an inferiority complex and feel that each day in side hall leaves me further behind … But as tempted 20 as I am to be a coward and escape by crawling back home, I have resolved to give it a good month's trial -- till July 10 … Don't worry about me, but do send me little pellets of advice now and then.

June 24, 1952

… Last night I went on a "gang" birthday party at the "Sand Bar" where we sang and talked for a few hours. There were about forty of us kids from the hotel. I managed by some magic to get myself seated next to a fellow in his first year at Harvard Law -- and he was just a dear … The best part was when we came back. It was a beautiful clear starry 21 night, and Clark went in to get me two of his sweaters to wear because it was cold, and brought out a book of T.S. Eliot's poems. So we sat on a bench where I could just barely read the print, and he put his head in my lap and I read aloud to him for a wile 22. Most nice. The only thing is I am so inclined to get fond of someone who will do things with me like that -- always inclined to be too metaphysical and serious conversationally 23 -- that's my main trouble … So glad to hear the check from Mlle is real. I hardly could believe it. Just now I am mentally so disorganized that I can't retain knowledge or think at all. The work is still new enough to be tiring, what with three changes a day into uniforms, and I am so preoccupied 24 by mechanics of living and people that I can't yet organize and assimilate all the chaos 25 of experience pouring in on me. In spite of everything, I still have my good old sense of humor and manage to laugh a good deal of the time … I'll make the best of whatever comes my way.