名篇背诵10:独居的报偿

 　　The other day an acquaintance of mine, a gregarious 1 and charming man, told me he had found himself unexpectedly alone in New York for an hour or two between appointments. He went to the Whitney and spent the "empty" time looking at things in solitary 2 bliss 3. For him it proved to be a shock nearly as great as falling in love to discover that he could enjoy himself so much alone.

　　What had he been afraid of, I asked myself? That, suddenly alone, he would discover that he bored himself, or that there was, quite simply, no self there to meet? But having taken the plunge 4, he is now on the brink 5 of adventure; he is about to be launched into his own inner space to the astronaut. His every perception will come to him with a new freshness and, for a time, seem startlingly original.
　　For anyone who can see things for himself with a naked eye becomes, for a moment or two, something of a genius. With another human being present vision becomes double vision, inevitably 6. We are busy wondering, what does my companion see or think of this, and what do I think of it? The original impact gets lost, or diffused 7.
　　"Music I heard with you was more than music." Exactly. And therefore music itself can only be heard alone. Solitude 8 is the salt of personhood. It brings out the authentic 9 flavor of every experience.
　　"Alone one is never lonely: the spirit adventures, walking in a quiet garden, in a cool house, abiding 10 single there."
　　Loneliness is most acutely felt with other people, for with others,even with a lover sometimes, we suffer from our differences of taste, temperament,mood. Human intercourse 11 often demands that we soften 12 the edge of perception, or withdraw at the very instant of personal truth for fear of hurting, or of being inappropriately present, which is to say naked, in a social situation. Alone we can afford to be wholly whatever we are, and to feel whatever we feel absolutely. That is a great luxury!
　　For me the most interesting thing about a solitary life, and mine has been that for the last twenty years, is that it becomes increasingly rewarding. When I can wake up and watch the sun rise over the ocean, as I do most days, and know that I have an entire day ahead, uninterrupted, in which to write a few pages, take a walk with my dog, lie down in the afternoon for a long think (why does one think better in a horizontal position?), read and listen to music, I am flooded with happiness.
　　I’m lonely only when I am overtired, when I have worked too long without a break, when from the time being I feel empty and need filling up. And I am lonely sometimes when I come back home after a lecture trip, when I have seen a lot of people and talked a lot, and am full to the brim with experience that needs to be sorted out.
　　Then for a little while the house feels huge and empty, and I wonder where my self is hiding. It has to be recaptured slowly by watering the plants and perhaps,by looking again at each one as though it were a person.
　　It takes a while, as I watch the surf blowing up in fountains at the end of the field, but the moment comes when the world falls away, and the self emerges again from the deep unconscious, bringing back all I have recently experienced to be explored and slowly understood, when I can converse 13 again with my hidden powers, and so grow, and so be renewed, till death do us part.
　　独居的报偿
　　前些日子，我的一个熟人，一位热爱交际且富有魅力的男士告诉我，他在纽约的两个约会之间偶然有一两个小时的空闲，便去了惠特尼博物馆，四处浏览着展品，无比幸福的度过了那些时光。发现自已独自一人也能如此的幸福，他感觉像坠入爱河那般震惊。
　　“他一直在害怕什么呢？”，我问自已。 怕突然一个人呆着会发现自已厌烦自己，或者怕会失去自我？但是有了这次偿试，他便要开始探险了，即将发射到自已内心的宇宙之中。他的所见所感对他来说将是全新的，一度会新颖的让人惊奇。
　　因此，每个能用肉眼亲自观看事物的人一时之间便成为天才。如果身边有别人，一个看法便不可避免地变成双重看法。我们急于知道周围人的看法，以及自己的观点？” 最初的印像消失了，或者变得模糊不清。
　　“与你共享的音乐便不止是音乐了。” 的确如此。因此，音乐本身只能独自一人聆听。独处是人生的趣味所在，它让人感受到所有经历的真实韵味。
　　“独居但不孤独：精神在不停的探索，徜徉于静寂的花园中，徘徊在阴凉的房舍里，独自在那逗留。
　　与别人呆在一起时孤独感更为强烈，因为与他人在一起，即使是恋人，我们也会被不同的品味，不同的性格，以及不同的情绪所困扰。人际交往要求我们必须磨掉感知的棱角，在每每涉及个人私事时，我们因为怕伤害别人而避而不谈，或者害怕在社交场合不合时宜,比如过于暴露自已。而独自一人，我们便可以随心所欲，感受真正的自我。那真是有些奢侈的享受！
　　我已独自生活了二十年。对我来说，独自生活最大意义在于它变得越来越有裨益。每当早晨醒来，看着旭日从海平面上冉冉升起，我知道后面还有整整一天。在这一天里， 我可以不受打扰地写几页书，带着我的狗一起散散步，下午长时间地躺着想一些事情（为什么人躺着时能更好地思考？），读读书，听听音乐。想到这些，我便沉浸在幸福之中。
　　只有在我过度劳累的时候，在我长时间不断工作的时侯，在我感到内心空虚，需要充实的时候，我才会感到寂寞。有时，外出演讲回来，见了许多人,讲了许多话，心中满是纷乱的体验需要整理，偶而也会觉得孤独。
　　于是有那么一会儿，我感到整个房子非常大，空荡荡的。不知此时的自我又藏匿于何处。这时，我会给花草浇浇水，挨个瞅瞅，仿佛它们是活生生的人一样，或是喂喂两只小猫，亲手做顿饭菜，这样自我就慢慢地重新找回。
　　田野的尽头泉水喷涌翻腾，我注视良久。现实世界逐渐消退，自我再次从内心深处浮现。最近的种种经历都随之而来，以待我可以再次同内心潜在力量交流时慢慢地探究和领会。这些力量便如此慢慢增强，不断获得新生，直至死神将我们分开.。