新思路单项技能教材 口语（PETS）三级 23-28_new

Twenty-three Life in Heaven

[00:04.60]A 75-year-old couple,after being married for almost 50 years,

[00:11.86]died in a car crash.

[00:15.70]They had been in good health the last ten years,

[00:20.38]mainly due to her interest in health food and exercising.

[00:26.54]After they were in heaven,an angel took them to their mansion 1.

[00:32.60]As they looked around,

[00:35.76]the old man asked the angel how much all this was going to cost.

[00:42.74]"It's free."the angel replied,"this is heaven."

[00:48.20]Next,they went out in the back yard to survey the championship-style golf course.

[00:56.06]They would have golfing privileges very day.

[01:01.02]The old man asked,"What are the green fees?"The angel replied,

[01:08.39]'This is heaven;you play for free."

[01:13.14]Next,they went to the club house

[01:17.11]and saw the lavish 2 buffet 3 lunch with all kinds of inviting 4 dishes laid out.

[01:24.85]"How much to eat?"asked the old man.

[01:30.12]"Don't you understand?"This is heaven;it is free!"the angel replied.

[01:37.78]"Well,where are the low fat and low cholesterol 5 tables?"the old man asked timidly.

[01:47.13]The angel lectured,"That's the best part

[01:53.61]-you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like,

[01:59.17]and you never get fat and you never get sick.This is heaven."

[02:05.94]With that,the old man went into a fit of anger,

[02:11.11]throwing down his hat and stomping 6 on it,and screaming wildly.

[02:18.06]The angel and his wife both tried to calm him down,asking him what was wrong.

[02:25.63]The old man looked at his wife and said,

[02:30.78]"This is all your fault!If it weren't for your health food,

[02:36.97]I could have been here ten years ago!"

[02:41.23]Twenty-four  Hospital Bill

[02:47.68]A man was brought to a Mercy Hospital,and taken quickly in for a heart surgery.

[02:56.64]The operation went wel and,as the man regained 7 consciousness,

[03:02.80]he was reassured 8 by a nun 9,who was waiting by his bed.

[03:08.47]"Mr.Smith,you're going to be just fine,"said the unu,gently patting his hand.

[03:16.34]"We do need to know,however,how you intend to pay for your stay here.

[03:22.19]Are you covered by insurance?" "No,I'm not,"the man whispered hoarsely 10.

[03:29.84]"Can you pay in cash?"persisted the nun. "I'm afraid I cannot,Sister."

[03:36.61]"Well,do you have any close relatives?"the nun asked.

[03:42.56]"Just my sister in New Mexico,"he answered."But she's a humble 11 spinster nun."

[03:49.93]"Oh,I must correct you,Mr.Smith.Nuns 12 are not'spinters;they are married to God."

[03:57.58]"Wonderful,"said Smith."In that case,please send the bill to my brother-in-law."

[04:04.24]Twenty-five  World War II

[04:09.29]The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest

[04:16.26]and asked if the priest would hear his confession 13.

[04:21.12]"Of course,my son,"said the priest.

[04:25.98]"Well,Father,at the beginning of World War Two,a beautiful woman knocked on my door

[04:35.54]and asked me to hide her from the Germans;

[04:40.27]I hid her in my attic 14,and they never found her."

[04:45.70]"That's a wonderful thing,my son,

[04:50.53]and nothing that you need to confess,"said the priest.

[04:55.58]"It's worse,Father,I was weak,

[05:01.74]and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors,"

[05:11.09]continued the old man.

[05:14.85]"Well,it was a very difficult time,and you took a large risk

[05:22.72]-you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans

[05:28.88]had found you hiding her;

[05:32.54]I know the God,in his wisdom and mercy,will balance the good and the evil,

[05:40.48]and judge you kindly,"said the priest."Thanks,Father,"said the old man.

[05:48.24]"That's a load off my mind.Can I ask another question?"

[05:54.48]"Of course,my son,'said the priest.

[05:58.95]The old man asked,"Do I need to tell her that the war is over?"

[06:06.00]Twenty-six  Optical Illusion

[06:10.47]A man and his wife have been stranded 15 on a deserted 16 island for many years.

[06:17.13]The morning following a bad storm,a new guy is washed up on the shore.

[06:23.37]The new guy and the wife are very attracted to each other right away,

[06:29.12]but they realize that certain proctocols will have to be observed.

[06:35.15]The husband is just glad to have someone new to talk to.

[06:40.20]"This is wondeful!Now we'll be able to have three people doing

[06:45.76]8-hour shifts in the watchtower instead of two people doing 12-hour shifts."

[06:52.53]The new man is so happy to help,and in fact volunteers to do the first shift.

[06:59.29]He climbs up the tall tower and stands watch,

[07:04.33]scanning the ocean horizon for any ships.

[07:08.88]Soon the husband and wife start placing stones

[07:14.55]in a circle in order to make a fire to cook supper.

[07:19.51]The new man yells down:"He,no kissing!"They look at each other and yell back:

[07:26.96]"We're not kissing!"A few minutes later,

[07:31.92]they start to put driftwood into the stone circle.

[07:37.09]Again the new man yell down:

[07:40.93]"Heeey,no kissing!"Again they yell back: "We're not kissing!"

[07:47.91]Later they are puting plam leaves on the roof of the shack 17 to patch leaks.

[07:55.17]Once again the new man yells down from high above:

[08:00.91]"Hey,I said no kissing!!"They yell back:"And we said we're not kissing!!"

[08:07.89]Finally the shift is over and the new man climbs down from the tower

[08:14.45]and the husband starts to climb up.

[08:18.21]By the time he gets halfway 18 up,

[08:21.76]his wife and the new man are already kissing their brains out.

[08:27.82]Once at the top,the husband turns around and looks down and says to himself:

[08:34.35]"From up here it DOES look like they're kissing."

[08:38.79]Twenty-seven A Scary Incident

[08:43.34]One night at about 3 a.m. my wife was getting up from the toilet

[08:49.82]to return to bed when she head a little noise.

[08:55.69]It was a suspiciously rodent-like sound that seemed to be right the bathroom with her.

[09:04.16]She of course froze and listen attentively 19 for any further sign of invaders 20.

[09:12.62]After a moment,satisfied that she was alone,she took a step for the door.

[09:20.07]Rodent scratchy sounds again!She froze,not breathing.Silence.

[09:30.33]Her heart beat fast as she once again tried to leave the bathroom.

[09:36.29]This time the noise was accompanied by something touching 21 the back of her leg!

[09:44.23]That was,of course,too much to bear.She literally 22 flew the 8 feet to the bed,

[09:53.01]clearing the foot board by a coulple of feet,to land screaming by my side.

[10:00.27]This is not a pleasant way to wake up.

[10:04.71]Now scared half to death myself,I managed to get the light on.

[10:10.95]The culprit was right there in plain sight,

[10:15.63]a trail of toiet paper neatly 23 marked the path from bed to bath.

[10:22.29]Twenty-eight  Bribery 24

[10:26.81]During the wedding rehearsal,the groom 25 approached the prisest with an unusual offer.

[10:33.65]"Look,I'll give you $200 if you'll change the wedding vows 26.

[10:40.42]When you get to the part where I'm to promise to'love,honor and obey'and,

[10:47.08]forsaking all others,be faithful to her forever,'

[10:52.54]I'd appreciate it if you'd just that part our."

[10:58.00]He passed the minister$200 and walked away satisfied.

[11:04.37]It was now the day of the wedding,and the bride and groom

[11:10.12]moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows were exchanged.

[11:15.89]When it was time for the groom's vows,

[11:17.93]the priest looked the young man in the eyes and said:

[11:22.37]"Will you promise to obey her every command and wish,

[11:27.44]serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life,

[11:32.30]and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife

[11:37.86]that you will not even look at another woman,as long as you both shall live?"

[11:44.52]The groom gulped 27 and looked around,and said in a tiny voice,"Yes."

[11:51.18]The groom leaned toward the priest and hissed,"I thought we had a deal."

[11:57.84]The priest whispered back,"She made me a much better offer."