新思路单项技能教材 口语 （PETS）四级 5-8_new

A Professional Gambler

[00:26.98]David walked into this bar one day.

[00:31.45]He walked up to the bartender and said,

[00:35.50]"Bartender,I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."

[00:41.46]"That's fine,but I'll need to see some money first,"

[00:46.92]the bartender siad while pushing beers behind the bar.

[00:52.19]David pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar.

[00:57.84]"Where did you get all that money?"asked the bartender.

[01:03.19]"I'm a professional gambler,"replied David.

[01:08.05]The barbender said,"There's no such thing!

[01:13.33]I mean,your odds 1 are 50-50 at best,right?"

[01:19.49]"Well,I only bet on sure things,"said David.

[01:25.45]"Like what?"asked the bartender.

[01:29.89]"Well,for example,I'll bet you $50 that I can bite my right eye."

[01:39.55]The bartender thought about it for a minute and said"OK".

[01:45.43]So,David pulled out his false right eye and bit it.

[01:50.99]"Aw,you screwed me,"said the bartender,and paid David his $50.

[01:59.14]"I'll give you another chance.

[02:02.67]I'll bet you another $50 that I can bite my left eye"said David.

[02:10.32]The bartender thought again and said,

[02:14.69]"Well,I know you're not blind.

[02:20.15]I mean I watched you walk in here without a seeing eye dog or anything.

[02:26.52]I'll take that bet."

[02:30.07]So,David pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.

[02:35.92]"Aw,you screwed me again."

[02:40.39]"You owe me another $50.That's how I win so much money,bartender."

[02:47.76]Are You O.K.?

[03:14.61]A man was lying on the grond

[03:18.56]in front of the entrance to a large apartment building.

[03:23.83]When the janitor 2 came by and noticed this,

[03:29.19]he said to the man,"Are you O.K.?"The man didn't answer.

[03:36.92]Then the janitor bent 3 over the man and whispered to him,

[03:42.67]"Sorry,sir,but you're blocking the way here."

[03:48.41]The man groande but didn't budge 4.

[03:52.96]The janitor became impatient.

[03:57.22]"Sir,if you don't get up from there,I'm going to have to call the manager."

[04:04.87]Again,the man just groaned,which infuriated the janitor,

[04:11.72]who turned and marched briskly into the building in search of the manager.

[04:17.96]In a few moments,

[04:21.33]both the janitor and the manager returned and stood over the man.

[04:26.97]Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him,

[04:32.54]but with no success.

[04:36.40]Finally,they called the police.

[04:40.76]The cop surveyed the situation briefly 5 and then asked,

[04:46.22]"All right buddy,what's your name?"

[04:50.17]"Tim,"the man moaned.

[04:54.01]"Where are you from,Tim?"

[04:57.35]With pain in his voice Tim replied"the third floor balcony."

[05:04.33]A Cure for Back Pains

[05:32.67]A guy is suffering from severe back pains for years with no relief.

[05:39.93]After trying all the usual cures he's referred to a specialist by a friend.

[05:47.38]The doctor asks him what his symptoms are and he replies,

[05:53.85]"I get this back pain;kind of like a knife across my back and..."

[06:01.12]He is interrupted the doctor,

[06:04.88]"And a heavy throbbing 6 right next to the spine 7."

[06:09.84]"Yes!Exactly!How did you know?"

[06:15.28]"Well I am a back pain specialist,remember?

[06:20.71]But I myself suffered from that same type of back pains for many years.

[06:27.76]It is caused by a ten sion in the back muscles.

[06:32.52]This is how I cured it:

[06:35.99]Every day I would ask my wife to give me a massage 8 on my back.

[06:42.16]When she pressed and rubbed my back with her hands,

[06:47.20]the pressure would relieve the tension in the muscles.

[06:52.24]Try that every day for two weeks,

[06:55.32]come back,and let me know how it goes."

[07:00.18]Two weeks go by and the man is back.

[07:05.14]"Well,how do you feel?"

[07:09.01]"Doc,I'm a new man!I feel great!

[07:15.54]I haven't had back pains since I started this treatment!

[07:20.69]I can't thank you enough.

[07:24.34]And,by the way you have a lovely home and a beautiful wife."

[07:31.71]Speeding

[07:59.27]One day a cop had set up a speed trap behind a billboard 9 trying to catch speeders.

[08:07.73]He had been standing 10 there for about an hour when a brand-new black BMW

[08:16.27]came zooming 11 down the road at about 110 mph(miles per hour).

[08:23.14]The cop noted 12 the speed from his radar 13 gun.

[08:28.00]Instantly,he switched on the siren,gave chase,and finally flagged him down.

[08:35.94]The cop got out of his cruiser,approached the car,

[08:41.80]leaned down,and said

[08:45.32]"Listen mister.Give me a good excuse and I'll let you go.

[08:51.70]But it better be good.You were going well over 100."

[08:57.86]The man thought for a moment and then said:"

[09:03.92]Officer,three weeks ago,my wife ran off with a police officer.

[09:11.37]When I saw your cruiser in my rear-view mirror,I thought you were that guy,

[09:18.45]and you were trying to catch up with me to give her back!"