访谈录[Interview]2007-10-28:该不该说善意的谎言
英语课
Okay, so what can telling a little white lie do to your relationship? Robbie Ludwig, psychotherapist and contributing editor for Cookie Magazine is here to answer that, along with body language expert Jennie Driver, good morning to both you.
Good morning .
OK, we've all told the lies, you know, ''I love your hair'','' you don't look fat'' , blah blah..., all those things. (Right.) Is that so wrong?
It's not so wrong, I mean what a white lie is it's really protecting somebody else's feeling, and the difference between a hard lie and a white lie is a hard lie is tend to protect yourself. So really new in relationships when we wanna be nice to somebody sometimes we air on the side of being polite..
And sometimes I just think it's called manners.(Yup, exactly.) If somebody asks me ''do you like my dress'' oh let's pretend it. (Right!) Someone cooks a meal for you, the chicken is dry,(Right.) I'm, I would choke it down and say thank you, you know. Yeah. But when can those white lies step over the line and become troublesome?
Well if you are basically doing things to deceive another person, that will ruin your relationship because basically relationships are based on ''I can trust you'', and if you can't trust the other person then you have no relationship.
But what if you say, you know, like I like drop it when you really don't and you are, so how can you tell white lie there?
I don't think, I don't think you need to go there, because there is enough positive things that you can stick with, you can stick with the truth and say something positive. So I am not one for saying something, "that's a deliberate 1 lie just to be nice". (Right!) But You can't say the truth that it's nasty 2, coz' that could destroy relationship.
Now I don't actually like this poll 3, and most people in the poll said '' look, it's okay, it's okay to lie'', can't remember the percentage, but it was, it was a big percentage that said ''it was okay'', there was 47 percent said'' it's ok'' and 23 percent say'' it's not harmful''. But you are the person you don't wanna lie in front of, 'coz you can tell when someone is lying.
They're much called the lie in camera that spots people in life.
I'm already afraid of you, ok, so tell me, give me some ways that you can tell if someone is lying.
It's interesting, when it comes to a little white lie, it's very hard to detect deception 4, because they are not gonna be nervous about it because they just doing it to be nice to you. (That's right!) So they are not gonna exhibit some of the signs. Some of the harder lies that are abrupt 5 to you, it's kinda labeling hard lies, where it's to benefit myself or to cut time to others, or something like that. Those are really easy to detect.(So what can help we tell them? )
Some other things are, I called the "Noes". like friends of new asked me and said: "Hey,Jennie.Do you ever cheat on you husband ?"I go "No ".And it's a real fast no or the NO----
It that a lie of the long "no"?
They are all hot spots, they are called, how about this "no", NO, (Right) and they close their eye or the no no no no no. (Okay) These are different verbal 6 indicators 7, so you can look for that someone is lying.
What about someone said that I know when you blink 8 your eyes a lot , is that another, is that another (sign/ hot spot)...?
Well my rule of thumb is you wanna watch out from when you deviate 9 from someone's normal behavior from talking like this, and my/ bellybutton is facing you, I am giving you my attention, you ask me if I've ever robbed a bank, all of a sudden my body turns, I'm giving you what I call the cold shoulder, that's a hot spot.
Someone told me when I was doing interviews with people who are accused of crimes. They said if people looked down and left, they are lying.
No don't believe the high, hold up, don't believe the high.
But you know there are certain kind artist that feel very comfortable lie, (Right, sometime!) because your are right, what you are detecting is a person's fear level, not whether they are lying or not.
Robbie, what do you do if you catch someone you know lying to you , would you confront 10 them as if something you think you should go along with …
I think it depends on the relationship, but here's a sad thing in close relationship, sometimes people will lie to each other, but if you really care about the person and you wanna get the relationship back on track, you can say: Listen! you are not telling me the truth, I wanna us to have an open relationship, well we can be honest with one and other.
Alright! Robbie , Janine thank you guys both very much.
Thank you!
Good morning .
OK, we've all told the lies, you know, ''I love your hair'','' you don't look fat'' , blah blah..., all those things. (Right.) Is that so wrong?
It's not so wrong, I mean what a white lie is it's really protecting somebody else's feeling, and the difference between a hard lie and a white lie is a hard lie is tend to protect yourself. So really new in relationships when we wanna be nice to somebody sometimes we air on the side of being polite..
And sometimes I just think it's called manners.(Yup, exactly.) If somebody asks me ''do you like my dress'' oh let's pretend it. (Right!) Someone cooks a meal for you, the chicken is dry,(Right.) I'm, I would choke it down and say thank you, you know. Yeah. But when can those white lies step over the line and become troublesome?
Well if you are basically doing things to deceive another person, that will ruin your relationship because basically relationships are based on ''I can trust you'', and if you can't trust the other person then you have no relationship.
But what if you say, you know, like I like drop it when you really don't and you are, so how can you tell white lie there?
I don't think, I don't think you need to go there, because there is enough positive things that you can stick with, you can stick with the truth and say something positive. So I am not one for saying something, "that's a deliberate 1 lie just to be nice". (Right!) But You can't say the truth that it's nasty 2, coz' that could destroy relationship.
Now I don't actually like this poll 3, and most people in the poll said '' look, it's okay, it's okay to lie'', can't remember the percentage, but it was, it was a big percentage that said ''it was okay'', there was 47 percent said'' it's ok'' and 23 percent say'' it's not harmful''. But you are the person you don't wanna lie in front of, 'coz you can tell when someone is lying.
They're much called the lie in camera that spots people in life.
I'm already afraid of you, ok, so tell me, give me some ways that you can tell if someone is lying.
It's interesting, when it comes to a little white lie, it's very hard to detect deception 4, because they are not gonna be nervous about it because they just doing it to be nice to you. (That's right!) So they are not gonna exhibit some of the signs. Some of the harder lies that are abrupt 5 to you, it's kinda labeling hard lies, where it's to benefit myself or to cut time to others, or something like that. Those are really easy to detect.(So what can help we tell them? )
Some other things are, I called the "Noes". like friends of new asked me and said: "Hey,Jennie.Do you ever cheat on you husband ?"I go "No ".And it's a real fast no or the NO----
It that a lie of the long "no"?
They are all hot spots, they are called, how about this "no", NO, (Right) and they close their eye or the no no no no no. (Okay) These are different verbal 6 indicators 7, so you can look for that someone is lying.
What about someone said that I know when you blink 8 your eyes a lot , is that another, is that another (sign/ hot spot)...?
Well my rule of thumb is you wanna watch out from when you deviate 9 from someone's normal behavior from talking like this, and my/ bellybutton is facing you, I am giving you my attention, you ask me if I've ever robbed a bank, all of a sudden my body turns, I'm giving you what I call the cold shoulder, that's a hot spot.
Someone told me when I was doing interviews with people who are accused of crimes. They said if people looked down and left, they are lying.
No don't believe the high, hold up, don't believe the high.
But you know there are certain kind artist that feel very comfortable lie, (Right, sometime!) because your are right, what you are detecting is a person's fear level, not whether they are lying or not.
Robbie, what do you do if you catch someone you know lying to you , would you confront 10 them as if something you think you should go along with …
I think it depends on the relationship, but here's a sad thing in close relationship, sometimes people will lie to each other, but if you really care about the person and you wanna get the relationship back on track, you can say: Listen! you are not telling me the truth, I wanna us to have an open relationship, well we can be honest with one and other.
Alright! Robbie , Janine thank you guys both very much.
Thank you!
adj.故意的，深思熟虑的；v.仔细考虑
- You should deliberate over the question before you respond to it.回答问题之前你应该慎重考虑。
- His actions were clearly the result of deliberate calculation.他的行动显然是精心策划过的。
adj.令人讨厌的，困难的，恶劣的，下流的
- She got a nasty knock on the head when she fell.她跌倒时头部受到严重碰撞。
- When this material burns，it flings off a nasty smell.这种物质燃烧时发出一股难闻的气味。
n.民意测验，民意调查，选举投票
- The result of the poll won't be known until midnight.选举结果要到午夜才能揭晓。
- They expected a heavy poll.他们期望会有很高的投票数。
n.欺骗，欺诈；骗局，诡计
- He admitted conspiring to obtain property by deception.他承认曾与人合谋骗取财产。
- He was jailed for two years for fraud and deception.他因为诈骗和欺诈入狱服刑两年。
adj.突然的，意外的；唐突的，鲁莽的
- The river takes an abrupt bend to the west.这河突然向西转弯。
- His abrupt reply hurt our feelings.他粗鲁的回答伤了我们的感情。
adj.口头的，用言辞的，用文字的，动词的
- Verbal statements are no guarantee.口说无凭。
- I delivered a verbal protest against their brutal acts.我对他们的暴行提出口头抗议。
（仪器上显示温度、压力、耗油量等的）指针( indicator的名词复数 )； 指示物； （车辆上的）转弯指示灯； 指示信号
- The economic indicators are better than expected. 经济指标比预期的好。
- It is still difficult to develop indicators for many concepts used in social science. 为社会科学领域的许多概念确立一个指标仍然很难。
vi.眨眼睛，闪烁；vt.眨（眼睛），使闪烁
- In a blink of an eye he had disappeared.一眨眼的工夫他就没影了。
- The boy disappeared around the corner in a blink of an eye.一眨眼，这男孩就在拐角处不见了。
v.(from)背离，偏离
- Don't deviate from major issues.不要偏离主要问题。
- I will never deviate from what I believe to be right.我绝不背离我自信正确的道路。