访谈录 Interview 2007-06-11&06-13, 执子之手，与子偕老

From last year, we introduced you a couple of 20 something bachelors, Mat Boggs and Jason Miller 1. And they were setting off on their second part of their quest to answer the age-old question millions have wrestled 2 with, what makes a good marriage.

“The adventure of lifetime.”

They called their mission Project Everlasting 3, covering 12,000 miles over 75 days. They quizzed 200 couples about what makes a happy marriage. The only requirement, the couples had to be married at least 40 years. Here's some of the advice they got.

“What do you think it takes to have a successful marriage?”

“I will give you one word.”

“Two words.”

“Respect "

"And love.”

"Ah oh, and love"

“Three things, No.1, you don’t have to like the same thing. No.2, always be able to reach a compromise.”

“You let me do the talking?" "Well, until you are wrong.”

“Well, OK. We are just one?" "Two."

“And there is also a third thing. I said there are three things.”

“Give more than you ask.”

“I will tell you the fourth thing. Well, tell him the fourth thing, because it might be my third.”

“No one should be able to come between a husband and a wife.”

“You accept the wonderful things about him, and you accept the things that um, you know, you’d like to see change a little bit.”

“There is no such thing as perfection, but there are perfect moments.”

“You never go to bed mad.”

“The nicest part about respect is making up…”

"You must be stunned 5."

Jason Miller and Mat Boggs have put what they have learnt into a book. It's called Project Everlasting. Hot of the press we'd ask relationship expert Rubby L to weigh in on their findings. Good morning to all of you, Jason, Mat, Rubby.

“Hi.”

"Good morning."

“So, the secrets, do share, cause we are all dying to know, what were the secrets to a good marriage, Mat?

“The No.1 secret that we learnt from every couple probably mentioning this was respect. And not just respect but having the discipline of respect. I remember a couple we interviewed, Louie and his wife, ended up having an argument, he was in the war and he was deafen 6, so he wore a hearing aid around his neck and chose John Aden, the model one. And he reached it over and goes click…and like turns it off, and she got, she said they had their 13 doors in the house.”

“The secret to a good marriage is right there.”

“Yeah, these secrets out. And they said, you know, over time, they learned to listen to one another, and respect one another, and like they said, you can have respect without love but you can’t have love without respect.”

“And this is a self-help book, though, Jason, but I mean, you talked to couples who have been married for over 40 years. Not all of them were entirely 7 happy marriages though, what are the reasons they stuck together?”

“That's actually true, you know, it’s so important for us to hear that, because my parents never argue, and it was a really big wakening that these couples went through struggles, and now they are 40 years plus down the road, and they are like holding hands and looking at each other like it's a new love, and to realize that, it’s still happening for them, and to get through those times is so important for us.”

“And it is interesting because you two found out that you say in the book that every couple in the marriage time line, actually had a major problem that they had to deal with in their relationship. Right, Mat, I mean, how do they get through those times?”

“We waited this great interview where they said, you know, there are secrets getting through those times and there are three things, that is respect or it's commitment, commitment and commitment. And that’s what you gotta have. We interviewed a couple, Russell and Betty that we were in New Orleans. And they ended up starting their life with absolutely nothing, and being around a candle-lit table, and dreaming about building their life together, and then they ended up growing a family and building life, and then hurricane Katrina came through and took it away. And we interviewed them in their devastated 8 home and they celebrated 9 their 50th anniversary in a small little hotel room across a candle-lit table, remembering that… ”

“Most important thing, they have each other still, right?”

“Yeah, absolutely. It’s not about how much you have, it is about how much you love.”

"And Rubby, it sounds like, I mean, these two self-proclaimed bachelors (Yes) actually found some greatest advices (Yeah, here why we invented...) for establishing a strong relationship."

“Absolutely, why we invented the wheel? Look towards couples that know how to do it right. That’s what the study show, that couples who stay together in a happy way, have good feelings about one another. They focus on what is right in their relationship, it is a commitment, it is wanting to stay married, it is turning towards each other and liking 10 one another. And you are right, you can not have love without respect.”

“From liking yourself to knowing yourself and knowing in the relationship.”

“You have to know who you are when you get married. It is a combination of using you head and your heart; you have to be moving in the right direction and like who you are with. It is a teammate at the end of the day.”

“And I can say that we are the perfect dudes to hear this message. I mean we are relationship doors. I have known all the humility 11 in the world about this.”

“And you still haven’t found long lasting 4 love yet right? so girls, come on…”

“I am so poor to figure out why an everlasting marriage is important. When we really said to couples who were, who just cherished each other for all those years, we get the why. You know.”

“You get the why.”

“And also there is hope, right? We know that it is possible.”

“Exactly, exactly.”

“Well, we could continue this, but you can read more in the book. It is called Project Everlasting. Jason Miller, Mat Boggs, Rubby L. Thanks to all of you.”