68. Diet Tribe

Mom was very proud that she'd lost ten pounds. On the way to the store with my husband and me she talked of little else. We dropped her off in the lingerie department, but when we returned, we couldn'

67. Long Life

A man was selling medicines at a fair. At first he sold bottles of a cure for colds for just a dollar a bottle. Many people wanted to buy it and the man's young assistant moved quickly through the cro

72.What Went Wrong

A Japanese company and an American company had a boat race, the Japanese won by a mile. The Americans hired analysts to figure out what went wrong. They reported that the Japanese had one person manag

Good and Bad News

Two friends who had not seen each other a great while, meeting by chance, one asked the other how he did? He replied that he was not very well, and was married since they had last met. That is good news indeed. Nay, not so very good neither, for I ma

The Dog that Talked

A man was entering a village inn one day, when a large sheepdog lying beside the door looked up, and said to him, Good morning, sir. The man stopped in astonishment, thinking he must be mistaken, but the dog said again, Good morning, sir. Ergood morn

I Wish I Were A Book

JOHN, for heaven's sake, why can't you just talk to me once in a while? whined Mary. Hun? John responded. Look around you! she yelled as she pointed around the room. All these books! Your head is always buried in books! You don't even know I'm alive!

哥伦布的电话号码

Little Mary: I find in my history book there is always such number (1451-1560) after the name Christopher Columbus. Would you please explain why, sir? Little Rose: I can tell her, sir. It was Columbus' telephone number!

Jokes About Doctors

1. I don't like your heart action, the doctor said, applying a stethoscope again. You have had some trouble with angina pectoris, haven't you?You're right in a way, Doctor, said the young man sheepishly, only that isn't her name.2. John:Doctor, latel

Saving It

A priest was taking a shortcut through an alley one day and came upon a young boy who was masturbating. My son, you shouldn't be doing that, said the priest. You should be saving that for when you get married. The embarrassed boy hung his head down l

It Hurts

Jack's mother ran into the bedroom when she heard him scream and found his two-year old sister pulling his hair. She gently released the little girl's grip and said comfortingly to Jack, There, there. She didn't mean it. She doesn't know that hurts.

Kicking Habit

There was a little boy who lived on a farm. One morning when he got up from bed his mother told him he needed to start doing his chores around the farm. The little boy said he would take over the chores for his dad. So he went to the barn and milked

Names On The Wall

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. It was covered with names ...and small American flags were mounted on either side of it. The seven-year-old had been staring a

Papa Fell

The class assignment in composition was to write about something unusual that happened during the past week. Little Irving got up to read his. Papa fell in the well last week - he began. Good heavens, shrieked Mrs. Kroop, the teacher. Is he all right

Christmas Present

Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his shrink what to do. The shrink said, Since Christmas is coming up, you should ask Johnny what he wants Santa to bring him. If he cusses while he tells yo

Sleeping Pills

Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills. 鲍勃晚上经常失眠。于是他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。 Sunday night Bob took the pill

Great Event 林肯过生日

Great Event Teacher: What great event happened in 1809? Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln was born. Teacher: Correct. And what great event happened in 1812? Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln had his third birthday. 林肯过生日 老师：1809年发生了什么

The First Day as a Taxi Driver

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window. 乘客轻拍了一下出租车司机的肩膀

Very Pleased to Meet You

During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers. One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, I

Five Months Older

The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18. But Johns brother had joined the ar

时间对猪的意义

One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lift