访谈录 2010-05-03&05-06 解读剩女现象-3

Our black women standards too high. You have been told that women should just shut up and kick it. Shut up and kick it. What does that mean?

Well it’s just like you know my man he’s out there cheating but he does come home. Baby shut up and kick it. You know he’s giving me the nero diseases but come on he’s a good man. He’s paying the bills. Shut up and kick it. It’s like black women especially women in general but black women put up with so much from black men not all of us. There’re a lot of good brothers out there. They do what they’re supposed to do and are good-loving men. And I’m not, I don’t mean everybody but I think that there are a lot of men out there that just kind of wanna say just go with the flow. Men cheat. That’s what we do. You know, it’s our instinct. You hear that so much. Why do men cheat when they’re asked? Well, you know we derive 1 from animals. You know so it’s boy doom 2 what boys are supposed to do. That’s what men do.

And do you think that men also use the numbers to justify 3 that position? There’re so many more women than they’re men.

I think they’re. I mean what’s even sad for me is that there’re a lot of women out there who endorse 4 this. What’s that girl? You might gossip her say girl I’m thinking about leaving. He just keeps /. You’ve got a good man. You need stay with him. He can cheat forever. Do you know? And eventually when they get into their 60s and their 70s they then run down then they’re home and then you’re a good woman cause you stay through all that. He had a baby across town. He did all this and you said that’s a good woman. You stay.

I don’t think so much that we should be endorsed 5 it you should stay but I agree with Hill in the fact that black families are breaking down. I’m not ashamed to admit. I have a son. I’m trying to raise him through the filter of a woman. I’m trying to teach this little boy just stand up and pee and I can’t. And I would like a man in there to help me raise my son.

You talked about the 95-5 rule. 95 percent of the women chase in that high-up 5 percent of the men. You find that true.

95 percent of us, 95 percent of women are trying to date 5 percent of men. That’s some way in keeping with his what he calls Denzel principle. But 95 percent of men are trying to date 5 percent of women as well. So but we use a different standard for what that 5 percent is. Men use more aesthetic 6 standard and folks will sit back and / how come that guy he’s 40 some or 50 some years old. He’s trying to go out with that 28-year-old. That 5 percent in his mind what that is and then we look at his Denzel principle the same thing. The flip 7 side now and to talk about what Sherry was talking about I wanna go back to her point. The Nezone research for the book and meeting and interviewing all these couples sorts of who have been married 70 years folks with the / single serial 8 monogamous folks who have been in and out divorce etc. You know what you start to realize this is what I start to realize that’s why the books call the conversation is that we as black men and black women aren’t communicating. And the reason why there is so much misinformation the reason why women have no clue what Steve just talked about is because women spread misinformation among themselves cause they’re talking a great deal of but they’re just talking with themselves and to be fair brothers do the same thing with each other. I give you’re an example. For instance, if you go out and I just find this when doing the book when a brother who’s married who’s happily married shows up to a group of other brothers he doesn’t just show up say hey my wife is so good. I’m so happy. He’s just quite about it right. But the brother who’s unhappily married he can’t stop talking about it so what happens if you’re single brother like me you’re hearing so much from unhappily married brothers but what I found when I did the book more brothers that are married are happier than the brothers aren’t so but you wouldn’t think it if you pull a single brother if you say what it is like to be a married man? Oh man. I’m sure she was just like what my man said. She’s always on my back.

Well especially comes to people are used to men and women are so used to having an adversary 9 relationship.

No, I think. I do not think. I think it is because like I said before in many ways it’s not clear that black men and black women are even friends anymore and what I mean by that is that the first thing that comes out of folks mouth across gender 10 we’re talking about the other gender is always the negative first. It’s the blame game. It’s he said she said even Jacky just did. She rammed 11 down the negatives first and then she said but there’re some good men out there. Right and it’s almost a subconscious 12, it almost happens subconsciously 13 and it happens everywhere and brothers do the same thing. When you just listen to the music and know that and one of my favorite quotes I came across I did the book it’s the feminine wants to me adored, the masculine wants to be believed in. And it’s not all together clear to mean that black men are adoring black women as not always clear to mean that black women are believing in black men.