TED演讲:精神病测试的另类答案(2)

 　　I began to yawn uncontrollably around Kempton Park,  我开始控制不住在坎普顿公园附近打哈欠

　　which apparently 1 is what dogs also do when anxious -- they yawn uncontrollably. 显然，当狗在焦虑的时候，也会情不自禁地打哈欠
　　And we got to Broadmoor.  之后就到了布罗德莫精神病院
　　And I got taken through gate after gate after gate after gate into the wellness center, 然后我又不停地穿过一道又一道又一道的大门，这才进到健康中心那儿
　　which is where you get to meet the patients.  在那里你才能和病人会面
　　It looks like a giant Hampton Inn.  它看起来就像大型的汉普顿酒店
　　It's all peach and pine and calming colors.  到处都是桃子菠萝和让人宁静的颜色
　　And the only bold colors are the reds of the panic buttons.  唯一比较大胆的颜色则是应急按钮上的红色
　　And the patients started drifting in.  然后病人开始挪进来
　　And they were quite overweight and wearing sweatpants and quite docile 3 looking. 他们看起来很笨重，穿着宽松的裤子，倒是挺温顺的样子
　　And Brian the Scientologist whispered to me, "They're medicated," 科学论派学者Brian低声跟我说，他们这是服药后的效果
　　which to the Scientologists is like the worst evil in the world,  对于科学论派的人来说，这简直就是最残忍的魔鬼
　　but I'm thinking it's probably a good idea.  我倒不觉得是件坏事
　　And then Brian said, "Here's Tony."  然后Brian说，“Tony来了。”
　　And a man was walking in.  然后有个男人走了进来
　　And he wasn't overweight, he was in very good physical shape.  他看起来并不笨重，身材还挺不错
　　And he wasn't wearing sweatpants, he was wearing a pinstriped suit. 也没有穿宽松的裤子，他穿着带有细条纹的西服
　　And he had his arm outstretched like someone out of The Apprentice 4. 他张开双臂，像《飞黄腾达》里的人一样
　　He looked like a man who wanted to wear an outfit 5 that would convince me that he was very sane 6. 他看起来像是想在着装方面显得得体的人，这样似乎会让我相信他是正常人
　　And he sat down.  然后他坐下来
　　And I said, "So is it true that you faked your way in here?"  我说，“你是在这里装疯的对吧？”
　　And he said, "Yep. Yep. Absolutely. I beat someone up when I was 17.  他说，“对，绝对是。我在17岁的时候把别人打伤了
　　And I was in prison awaiting trial,  之后在监狱里等待审判
　　and my cellmate said to me, 'You know what you have to do? 我的狱友跟我说，你知道你得做些什么吗
　　Fake madness.  装疯
　　Tell them you're mad. You'll get sent to some cushy hospital.  告诉他们你疯了，你就会被送到某间舒适的医院
　　Nurses will bring you pizzas.  护士会给你带来比萨饼
　　You'll have your own Playstation.'"  你会有自己的PS游戏机。”
　　So I said, "Well how did you do it?"  我又说，“那你是怎么做的？”
　　He said, "I asked to see the prison psychiatrist 7.  他说，“我要求去见监狱里的精神病专家
　　And I'd just seen a film called 'Crash' in which people get sexual pleasure from crashing cars into walls. 而且我又看过《冲击效应》这部电影，电影里的人用车去撞墙以获得性快感
　　So I said to the psychiatrist, 'I get sexual pleasure from crashing cars into walls.'" 所以我跟精神病专家说，我通过开车撞墙活得性快感。”
　　And I said, "What else?"  我说，“还有吗？”
　　He said, "Oh, yeah. I told the psychiatrist that I wanted to watch women as they died 他说，“哦对了，我告诉那个精神病专家，我喜欢看女人死去
　　because it would make me feel more normal."  因为这让我觉得我比较正常。”
　　And I said, "Where'd you get that from?"  我说，“你这是从哪学来的？”
　　He said, "Oh, from a biography of Ted 2 Bundy that they had at the prison library." 他说，“哦，从Ted Bundy（连环杀手）的自传，监狱图书馆里有这本书。”
　　Anyway he faked madness too well, he said.  总之，他说他装得太像了
　　And they didn't send him to some cushy hospital.  结果他们没把他送到某间舒适的医院
　　They sent him to Broadmoor.  反而送到了布罗德莫精神病院
　　And the minute he got there, he said he took one look at the place, asked to see the psychiatrist,  他到这里的那一刻，他说他看了下四周的环境，然后要求去见精神病医生
　　said, "There's been a terrible misunderstanding. I'm not mentally ill." 说，“这当中有着难以解释的误会，我并没有任何精神疾病。”
　　I said, "How long have you been here for?"  我问，“你在这待了多长时间了？”
　　He said, "Well, if I'd just done my time in prison for the original crime, I'd have got five years. 他说，“唉，如果我只在狱中服刑的话，我只要待五年
　　I've been in Broadmoor for 12 years."  但我在布罗德莫精神病院已经12年了。”
　　Tony said that it's a lot harder to convince people you're sane Tony说，要使别人相信你是正常人是十分困难的
　　than it is to convince them you're crazy.  而使别人相信你疯了则简单得多
　　He said, "I thought the best way to seem normal  他说，“要显得正常，我觉得最好的方法
　　would be to talk to people normally about normal things like football or what's on TV. 就是和他人正常地交谈，聊一聊正常的事物，像足球或电视上的事情
　　I subscribe 8 to New Scientist,  我有订阅《新科学家》这份杂志
　　and recently it had an article about how the U.S. Army was training bumblebees to sniff 9 out explosives. 最近他们发表了一篇文章，关于美国军队训练大黄蜂来侦查爆炸物的
　　So I said to a nurse, 'Did you know that the U.S. army is training bumblebees to sniff out explosives?' 然后我跟护士说，你知道美国军队正在训练大黄蜂来侦查爆炸物吗
　　When I read my medical notes, I saw they'd written: 当我看到我的医疗记录时，我看到他们写到
　　'Believes bees can sniff out explosives.'"  “相信蜜蜂能侦查爆炸物”
　　He said, "You know, they're always looking out for non-verbal clues to my mental state. 他说，“你知道，他们总是在寻找非言语的线索来判断我的心理状态
　　But how do you sit in a sane way?  但你是如何用正常人的方式坐的？
　　How do you cross your legs in a sane way?  你又如何用正常人的方式翘脚的？
　　It's just impossible."  这简直就是天荒夜谈。”