成长的烦恼第七季:In Vino Veritas

Mike: Ah… Mr. Brower.
Luke: Sorry I'm late Mr. Seaver
Mike: That's the third time in a row Luke, maybe I should call 555-Deli and leave a wake up call?
Luke: Don't worry I only sleep in class
Mike: Hello, So ho Pete's? This is Francis X. Tedesco and I need to speak with one of your employees Luke Brower. I think he's a waiter, well maybe a bus boy. You sure? Ok thank you. That's funny they never heard of him.
Mr.Tedesco: Neither have we, I just tried to pull his file, there isn't one.
Mike: His file is missing?
Mr. Tedesco: No, Luke Brower does not exist.
Mike: Thank you. Luke I can't believe you're living here.
Luke: Well, I am.
Mike: Well I don't get it, what about your parents!??
Luke: I don't have any and I don't need them. I am doing fine right here.
Mike: Luke, there's got to be some place better than this!!??
Luke: Yeah Yeah, Like where?
Mike: Like Like, some sort of city outreach sort of nice, happy place!!??
Luke: I've tried all the happy places, this is better.
Mike: We have a homeless boy living here!!!
Mr. Tedesco: What!!?? This is a school, we can't have kids here!!! I'll call the bureau of child welfare.
Mike: I can't let you live on a street like this!!
Luke: Oh you can't let me!!?? Well this morning I wasn't on the street. I had a place to sleep and a place to eat and a promising 1 academic career. Now thanks to you I'm a homeless hungry dropout 2. Who are you? Charles Keeting!
Luke: Are you sure this is ok?
Mike: Yeah yeah, you can sleep in my sister's room. Don't worry it's fine she's away at college and you can talk to my dad in the morning.
Luke: I don't know,.
Mike: Stop worrying, it's fine just go on upstairs, first door on the right and uhh… Sometimes she keeps this umm... big stuffed dog on her bed just shove it off and hop 3 in.
Luke: Ok, goodnight.
Mike: Oh no! I missed dinner! Kate's going to kill me! Well at least nothing else can go wrong tonight.
Carol: Ah!!

Mike: Oh Luke! Is your neck still bothering you? Oh Listen, you shouldn't have slept on the floor, you had the water bed.
Luke: Nah I didn't want to sleep in a bed that might wet me.
Mike: What do you say I make up for it with one of Michael Seaver's super duper homemade breakfasts?
Luke: Great!
Mike: Ok! What do we have marshmallow Twinkle or Mr. Smackie's Peanut Logs?
Luke: Well I was kind of hoping for something hot.
Mike: Well you can heat up with peanut logs but they'll burn the roof of your mouth. Ok I'll cook something.
Luke: How about pancakes?
Mike: Ok, we'll go out.
Luke: Well you got everything you need right here: flour, oil and eggs.
Mike: Wow, how did you learn how to make pancakes?
Luke: Till I was ten years old I used to help my mother cook at a lumber 4 camp in Oregon.
Mike: Really?
Luke: Yep! When you got 68 men with chainsaws you better learn to watch you fly boy.
Mike: Listen Luke, why don't you just stay here for a while?

Luke: Huh?
Mike: Well you being out on the street and everything, it's kind of my fault.
Luke: Well I wouldn't say that…
Mike: Really!?
Luke: It's totally your fault, but there's no way your parents will ever let me stay here.
Mike: My parents!!? Luke Luke Luke, see this? This is the finger I have them wrapped around and I got nine more on standby. If I say you're staying, your staying.
Maggie: I don't care what you say, he's not staying.
Mike: But, why!!??
Maggie: Mike, this isn't like bringing home a stray puppy. This Luke could be dangerous, he could be a thief and we do have a five year old.
Jason: Your mom has a point Mike, we've got to think of Chrissy.
Mike: Mom, he's not dangerous, he's my best student! Ok and he's never stolen a thing except for food, clothes and home box office.
Jason: Mike all we're saying is…. He gets cable for free!??
Maggie: Jason stay focused. Mike you have no right!
Mike: Mom, I think you are being selfish.
Maggie: Selfish!!?? You're being naïve.
Jason: Mike, Maggie, wait a minute. Let's keep our emotions in check here.
Carol: Mike you slime bucket, of all the dumb things you've done, this is the dumbest.
Ben: Give it to him!
Carol: First you bring a complete stranger into our house.
Ben: Your bed.
Carol: And then you send him into my bed.
Ben: Occupied.
Carol: That's right! Why I'm minding my own stinking 5 business!
Ben: Bring it home baby.
Carol: What you have done is so low and despicable that even your apprentice 6 slime ball here agrees with me.
Ben: No I don't.
Carol: You don't? Then why have you been agreeing with me all morning?
Ben: I just want to see you get so mad that you flick 7 foam 8 from the corners of your mouth.
Carol: You snake! You scuzzwad! You slimy sniggley slime bucket!
Ben: There it is! Yes! Mission control we have achieved foam!
Jason: Stop torturing your sister. Carol wipe your mouth.
Carol: Mom, Dad, I demand a family conference.
Maggie: Carol that is an excellent suggestion. Would you and Ben please leave the room?
Carol: But it was my idea!!??
Jason: Yes it was a good one sweetheart, now get out! Ok Mike, Maggie, I think we owe Mike a chance to explain himself before we give him our arbitrary refusal.
Mike: Thank you!
Maggie: Alright.
Mike: Now can Luke stay!?
Maggie: No Chance.
Mike: Dad!
Jason: Wait wait, what your mother is saying is we realize that Luke is a needy 9 guy.
Mike: Yes!
Jason: And yes we do have a lot to share and yes carol is off to her dorm so we do have an extra room. What was the problem Maggie?
Maggie: Jason he can't stay here.
Mike: Ok Fine! Can't stay here，where？
Jason: Foster home, I've consulted the bureau of child welfare Mike, I can help him get a great one, it will just take a little time. Meanwhile he can stay at a facility called Paton Hall, now I know it's not perfect.
Mike: Not pefect!!?? Dad, that place has gang members and drug addicts 10 and that's the honours program.
Jason: He does have a point Maggie, that place can be real rough.
Maggie: Jason…
Jason: Well he's just gonna have to suck it up.
Maggie: Mike, we all feel sorry for Luke, but life isn't always fair. There are some things we can't fix.
Jason: I'll get him out of Paton Hall and into a foster home as soon as I can Mike. That's the best we can do.
Mike: Luke! Hey, you remember my folks.
Jason: Hi Luke.
Mike: Uhh…Listen Luke, we've bee talking things over and well just to lay it out there for you. Uhh.. .Dad.
Jason: Well Luke, what Mike's trying to say is that we completely understand your situation and we sympathize and so uh… Maggie.
Maggie: You can stay with us!!

Carol: Now if you are going to be using my room for awhile, you need to know some of the ground rules. Number one, don't let Ben touch fluffy 11 things. Number two, don't let Ben touch anything else.
Luke: Got it.
Carol: Ok, now the closet. You can use this half but make sure your clothes don't crowd mine. I'm sure I don't have to tell you how easily linen 12 wrinkles.
Luke: It's a stinking crime! That's why I pick one look and stick with it all year long.
Carol: I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. How do you stay warm in the winter?
Luke: Oh, no problem in Jamaica man.
Carol: Jamaica?
Luke: Yeah I grew up there, I go back there every winter, I use to work as a cook at a plantation 13.
Carol: That must be a tough job.
Luke: All I can say is when you got to cook macaroons for 68 sweaty men with machetes you better learn to watch your coconuts 14.
Ben: Hey Luke! Mike and I thought you might need some extra clothes while you're here.
Luke: Jeans, T-shirts and a bra??
Ben: Actually this is Carol's, mom just washed it.
Carol: Great, now it needs to be washed again.
Ben: She's gone?
Luke: Yeah why?
Ben: Awww. Fluffy
Luke: I don't think she wants you doing that.
Ben: I know, that's why I do it. I don't know how she knows, but it drives her nuts. Hey Flufster, it's time to smell uncle Benny's armpit. How can you sleep in here with all this girly stuff?
Luke: I'm happy to have a bed at all, I'm use to sleeping in storerooms and movie theatres.
Ben: Movie theatres!!?? Doesn't that get expensive??
Luke: Not if you sneak 15 in.
Ben: Sneak in??
Luke: Yup, I've got a surefire system where the theatre manager ushers 16 me in, holds the door open and calls me sir.
Ben: Really!? Luke this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Jason: Mike!! Hey Mike!!
Carol: Dad, every Saturday you come out here and yell for Mike to come out and wash the car and you end up washing it yourself. Obviously yelling is a waste of time.
Jason: Fine, you wash the car.
Carol: Mike!!! Mike!!!!
Luke: Is something wrong??
Jason: Just trying to get Mike to wash the car.
Luke: I'll do it.
Carol: Oh well, there, that's resolved.
Jason: No No, Mike should do it, it's a big job.
Luke: Not for me, I use to wash airplanes for barnstormers, I grew up next to an airfield 17.
Jason: Barnstormers in Manhattan?
Luke: South Dakota, the golden eagles. I remember one time for my birthday, they took me up with them and spun 18 me around until I lost my lunch. God I love those guys.
Jason: No wonder the planes needed so much washing. No Luke listen, put that down this is Mike's job, he will do it, it's been Mike's job for 11 years and I want to live long enough just to see him do it once. Mike!!! Mike!!!
Mike: Hey Luke! Hey hey hey!! What the heck are you doing!!??
Luke: I'm washing your dad's car.
Mike: No Luke, you don't have to do chores, just cause my dad asks you to.
Luke: Well he didn't ask me, I just volunteered.
Mike: You volunteered!!?? Luke, no no no. Yes maybe that's the way you do it on the streets, but this is suburbia nobody does anything for anybody.
Luke: Well he was upset, he was yelling!
Mike: Yelling is nothing! Believe me, you don't have to worry about my dad until his nostrils 19 flare 20 and that view over his left eye brow starts to throb 21, after that he makes Freddy Kruger look like a guy with press on nails.
Jason: This is really reprehensible 22, this is your job, this is your guest and that is… Holy smokes!! We got White one.
Mike: You want me to take over dad?
Jason: No!
Maggie: No kidding you use to work on a dude ranch 23?
Luke: When you cook for 68 burly men with lassos you learn to watch your biscuits.
Maggie: That's funny I could have sworn there was a bottle of wine in there. Oh Jason must have finished it. It's ok there's plenty more.
Luke: Wow, that's a lot of wine.
Maggie: Yeah, Jason started collecting, he really likes his wine.

Chrissy: Yo! Luke, I want to introduce you to a friend. Barbie!
Luke: Well, pleased to meet you Barbie, does she have a last name?
Chrissy: Doll! She wants to invite you over to her dream house for tea.
Luke: Well, I never turn donw an invitation from a beautiful woman.
Chrissy: She's got a boyfriend. But I can stuff them into drawer.
Jason: Hey Mike I had a folder 24 in there of confidential 25 applications for Luke's foster family, have you seen it?
Mike: Uhh..no... I haven't seen it dad I don't know anything about it. I was just sitting here watching the game on TV.
Jason: Wouldn't it be better if the se were on?
Mike: Uh no. The game was blacked out.
Jason: Folder.
Mike: Ok, but dad just for the record, I didn't look at a thing, but forget about that couple from Brooklyn. I don't want Luke being raised by people who drag their knuckles 26 on the ground.
Jason: Mike.
Mike: Dad, I'm sorry but Luke's just had a tough life and I want to make sure he's around people that are about him.
Jason: I know that.
Mike: In a good neigbourhood with a good school and room of his own, private entrance and satellite dish.
Jason: Silly me, all this time I've been looking for a stable loving family with high morale 27 character, when I should have been looking for someone with a video arcade 28 and a weight room.
Mike: Now you're talking.
Carol: Thanks for letting me do my laundry here mom. The laundry room in the dorm has become a real meat market pick up place.
Maggie: How does anyone get their wash done?
Carol: Don't ask me, I'm still on the waiting list!
Maggie: Uhh... Sweetheart will you take out the trash?
Chrissy: No problem!
Jason: Hey anybody seen Luke? That station wagon 29 is kind of looking grungy.
Maggie: He went out with Mike to check out neighbourhoods for foster homes. I odn't know where they went but Mike said something about knuckles dragging.
Jason: Oh, Brooklyn. Got to hand it to Mike though, he's really serious about finding Luke a good home.
Maggie: Well I know ever since he brought Luke here, he's been mature, responsible, caring.
Jason: Kind of gives you the creeps doesn't it?
Maggie: You know this is too much, I know I put a bottle of wine in there.
Jason: There's more in the cabinet.
Maggie: Wanna bet?
Jason: That's impossible, the last time I looked there were fifteen bottles in there.
Chrissy: People, people, people. How many times do I have to tell you about recycling?
Maggie: In a minute honey.
Chrissy: Mom, look somebody put glass into regular garbage.
Maggie: Jason, the wine bottles.
Jason: Who could have?
Maggie: Oh my god!
Jason: I can't believe it.
Maggie: Me neither, it's incredible.
Chrissy: Hey get a grip, there just bottles. I'll sort them myself.
Maggie: You do that honey.
Jason: Well let's not jump to any conclusions here, we don't know for sure that it was Luke.
Carol: Luke!!? He couldn't have done it.
Maggie: I agree, he's a responsible kid. After all he spent his entire childhood cooking for a dude ranch.
Jason: No he didn't. He spent his childhood hanging out with barnstormers.
Maggie: Barnstormers?
Jason: The Golden Eagles. They use to make him throw up, he loved those guys.
Carol: Will you two listen to yourselves? Barnstormers!?? Dude Ranch!?? I mean how gullible 30 can you be?
Maggie: I suppose you know the real story.
Carol: Yes, he grew up on a plantation in Jamaica with big guys and coconuts. That lying pig dog stole your wine.
Ben: This is it, Luke said nothing could go wrong as long as I stayed calm. Ok pick up a ticket stub without drawing attention to yourself. Ok theatre 5, you're home free.

Guard: Hold it there you little nose wipe.
Ben: Red alert, damage control, show him the stub. Show him the stub! Uhh excuse me sir, umm I just came out of theatre 5 and I left my wallet in there.
Guard: Your wallet!??
Ben: Yeah it must have slipped out of my pocket when I stood up to let those nuns 31 take their seats.
Guard: There were nuns watching "When Stewardesses 32 go Bad"!!?
Ben: Well they left early. If you just let me go in, I'll grab my wallet and I'll be out of there before the next show at 3:15.
Guard: Ok, but go straight in and come straight out.
Ben: Yes sir, thank you sir. Touch down. Now go directly into the theatre stopping for nothing.
Guard: Found your wallet I see?
Ben: Uhh Yeah.. Well this is just my regular wallet, that was my lucky wallet.
Guard: Oh….
Ben: Good thinking, he's buying it.
Mike: Mom, Dad, Just for the record everyone in Brooklyn walked upright.
Luke: There was even this great park and look at what Mike bought me?
Mike: Ok guys, check this out, Luke throw it to dad.
Mike: Can you believe that dad?? Before this morning he never threw a spiral in his life. Dan Marino watch out!
Jason: Alright that's good. Luke why don't you go upstairs and wash for dinner ok??
Luke: Sure, Doctor Seaver.
Mike: See ya. Aww…Is he a great kid or what huh dad?
Jason: Yeah Yeah, but umm something's happened with Luke and we don't think we will be able to find him a foster home.
Mike: What!!?
Maggie: And we don't think he should stay in our home either.
Mike: What are you guys talking about!??
Maggie: Well we found a lot of empty wine bottles in the trash and we know neither of us drank them.
Mike: You don't think Luke drank them!?
Jason: He needs more help then we can give him, he should be in an alcohol treatment program.
Maggie: And we have to think about Ben and Chrissy. Like her or not, Luke will influence on them.
Mike: I'm sorry, I'm not bet this, I mean Luke, if Luke try alcohol, he would be plastered all the time. Have you ever seen him drunk?? Or even hung over!!?
Maggie: Well no.
Mike: Well neither have I. Have you ever smelled alcohol in his breath?
Jason: No, but uhh umm... Look I don't have all the answers either Mike.
Mike: Show me one kid in this family that he's had a bad influence on.
Man: This nose wipe claims to live here. We caught him sneaking 33 into the Masapika Multiplex.
Maggie: Ben Seaver where did you get an idea like that?
Ben: Nothing can make me talk.
Maggie: Young man!
Ben: It was Luke.
Jason: It's alright we will take it from here, your majesty 34.
Mike: Hey Luke, what are you doing?
Luke: Oh, packing, I got the picture that my lease was up so I'm taking 2 pairs of socks and 1 pair of underwear. Mind if I keep the football?
Jason: Luke we have to clear something up.
Luke: Fine, I'll leave the football.
Jason: No that's not it, we found some empty wine bottles in the trash.
Luke: So?
Maggie: Luke we want to help, we know you're drinking.
Luke: Me!!?? I wouldn't touch that poison!!
Maggie: I'd like to believe you but between barstorming and biscuits. How are we suppose ot know when you're telling the truth?
Luke: Doesn't matter what I say, you guys have your minds all made up.
Mike: Not all of us, alright you just tell me you didn't take that wine and I'll believe you. Luke tell me.
Luke: I'm out of here.
Mike: Oh, Luke.
Jason: Wait a second, You need help, there are programs for teens who drink.
Luke: So go find a teen who drinks.
Mike: Luke, don't you know how bad that stuff is for you!!? Do you have any idea what alcohol does to your internal organs!?? You liver, your heart and whatever else is in there. Come on man, don't you know that booze can kill you!!??
Luke: Leave me alone, you can't tell me anything about booze I don't know. It makes you stupid, it makes you sick, it makes you forget, makes you hate people, makes you afraid to come home at night.
Jason: What!!?
Luke: Makes you afraid to ask a question or make a noise. Get a glass of water, do anything will make a man mad when he's drunk.
Mike: Who's drunk!!? Nobody here is drunk.
Jason: No, he's not talking about us Mike, are you Luke hmm? Who gets drunk? Your father?
Luke: He left when I was 2.
Jason: Who are you afraid of when they drink?
Luke: My step father, I liked him at first, he as fine when he was sober, like you. He even bought me an ice cream once. But boy when he had a few belts in him, he was a different guy. Mean, anything would set him off.
Jason: Did he beat you?
Luke: Yeah, mom tried to stop him, but he beat her too. After she died, he started drinking all the time. He didn't care how much he hurt me, one night he came after me with a baseball bat. If I hadn't run, he would have killed me.
Maggie: Oh my god!
Luke: I tell you it's the liquor that does it to him, it does it to everybody, its poison!!
Jason: You didn't want that to happen again did you?
Luke: No!!
Jason: You took our wine?
Luke: YES!!
Jason: But you didn't drink it??
Luke: I poured it down the drain!!! Every damn drop of it!!!
Jason: Cause you didn't want anyone to get hurt like you got hurt.
Maggie: It's alright, everything going to be alright.
Mike: So Luke Thought.
Jason: Thought that drinking would turn me into his step father.
Mike: Oh hey Luke, it's gonna be alright buddy 35. My dad has a glass of wine every now and then but he never loses control.
Luke: Why'd you say when he was mad, he was worse than Freddy Kruger!??
Mike: Uhhh, I was kidding, no he never hurt anybody.
Jason: You might find this hard to believe but there are places you will be safe you know? Here for instance.
Luke: You mean you aren't kicking me out!!?
Maggie: You can stay with us for as long as it takes to find a good home but we need to trust each other ok?
Luke: Ok.
Jason: No more lies about barnstormers and coconuts.
Maggie: Right, you don't need to tell stories in this house to be liked.
Ben: Mom, Dad, I want to come clean with the truth. I was taken hostage by a group of space aliens, they said if I didn't help them sneak into the movies, they would blow up Long Island.