访谈录 Interview 2007-07-05&07-07, 解开女人们的恋父情结

And this morning, on Today's Woman, like father like son-in-law? Daughters often turn to their dads for love support and advice, but a new study suggests that dads can also be the link to finding that special someone. NBC correspondent and the father of a daughter, Kevin Tibbles, explains.

It's not unusual for a girl to wanna marry a guy that reminds her of her father. In fact, a new study suggests that it's no coincidence when it comes to the laws of attraction, there are some new rules.

Terry reminds me of my Dad.

Love, attentiveness 1, intere(st), common interest, so there might be something that my father certainly had and certainly my husband has it, and then, son.

But how often do women seek men that look like their fathers? Hollywood power-couple Angelina Julie joined to Brad Pitt. Lisa Marie Presley short marriage to Nicolas Cage, and Gwyneth Paltrow's marriage to Chris Martin. The study says girls that have enjoyed a close relationship with their fathers are more likely to select men that mirror their dads.

I definitely think subconsciously 2, I went out there and married someone that has the same, you know, attributes that I've always looked up to in a man.

A true daddy's girl Erin Morris has always felt special around her father.

It was just so much fun being around her, being with her and she's just, part of my life.

It's weird 3 to say, but they do resemble each other. And I think they can definitely be related even though that sounds really weird.

But for some, the resemblance is what they are resisting.

That's why I'm with him, coz he'd act exact opposite of my father.

I think if I had a better relationship with my father that I probably would look for similar, or same qualities in a person.

Erin is convinced that being her daddy's little girl somehow helped her find her soul mate.

Having his love, and you know, being so proud of me all the time, give me the confidence to go out there and do what I wanna do.

Including finding someone who will love, honor and treat her just like her dad. For today, Kevin Tibbles, NBC news, Chicago.

Michelle Callahan is a family psychologist, Ian Kerner is a sex therapist and relationship expert, good morning to both of you .

Hey, good morning.

So, does this, does this surprise you, the study?

Uh, absolutely not at all, I mean I think what the study shows is that during childhood, the father-daughter relationship is key in helping 4 a girl to figure out some of the qualities that she's gonna look for later in life when she goes out to select a mate. So much so that she’s even gonna look for someone who emulates 5 physically 6 her father.

But does it go, Michelle, does it go beyond physical? Are they looking for the trait, either positive or negative, what... supporting, caring, nurturing 7 that, that a father has with his daughter?

Absolutely, they are looking for that familiarity in personality, they feel comfortable with someone who’s like their fathers, so if the person was providing security, if there was emotional intimacy 8, they feel more comfortable with that. But on the flip 9 side, the person could've been angry and controlling and they still might be attracted to that again because it's so familiar.

Even though it might be a negative.

Exactly.

Now, Ian, what about, what about if the father wasn't present, or, or had less of a, of an impact?

Yeah, I think it can really have a negative impact if a dad was distant, remote, moody 10, stormy, if he wasn't around, if he didn't interact well with her mom, and set up a positive role model, all that can set a woman up to a negative self-esteem and negatively affect the choices that she's gonna make later in life when she goes out to find a guy.

So it could actually affect her later on.

Absolutely, and you know, looks are deceptive 11. So just because somebody looks like your father. Too, that doesn't mean he shares the personality traits for better or for worse.

Michelle, OK, let's, let's follow up on that, if in fact there wasn't a strong father figure, a lack thereof, as that girl grows up, how does she counteract 12 that, what does she do?

Well, it's never too late. So she wants to establish a relationship with him still she can. It just means you know, drop the ego 13, don't say who call who first, just make the call and get started. But if he’s not around, it’s OK. If you need counseling for it, get it. It's, that's not a bad thing. And look to other figures, look for other father figures, look for the people that you admire, or other men in your life? And you can model the guy you want after that guy. But most importantly, it's just remember, just because of how he behave in the relationship doesn't mean it's about you, he was his own person making his own mistakes, and so women shouldn't internalize that and use that to affect them negatively and feel bad about themselves.

Let's take the flip side of the thing. Does it also hold true that the sons are looking at their mothers as the model for their mates?

Well, Al, my mother, named Lisa, short dark hair, blue eyes, oldest of three sisters. My wife, named Lisa, short dark hair blue eyes, oldest of three sisters. Sometimes are they ... Oh no.

(Wow) It's happening but yeah, we look to the, we look to the, for parent of the opposite sex to help us figure out the qualities that we are ultimately gonna seek out and mate. And what's true of women is true of men.

But in the end, isn't it a good thing, Michelle, or does it just, is it on an individual basis?

I think it really should go on an individual basis. Go for the guy that you gel with, it doesn't matter if he's like your dad or not. But if you had that role model, and it worked for you, and you had a healthy growing up, then go for that kinda guy.

Alright, Mechelle Callahan, Ian Kerner, thanks so much..

Thank you.