访谈录 Interview 2007-01-10&12, 他/她的kiss的暗示

Helen Fisher is an anthropology 1 professor at Rutgers University and the author of Why We Love and Dave Zinczenko is the Editor in Chief of Men's Health magazine and author of the new book Men, Love and Sex, the complete user's guide for a woman. Good morning to both of you.

Yes we should both be here.
both very interesting

Yes.

With a woman and a man and it's after all an important topic.

You are both very interesting. Actually, I didn't realize Helen, the history of the art of kissing, it really goes, it predates men.
It does. Chimpanzees kiss. They kiss with the deep French kiss. Um, we know that because they've come up to anthropologists and actually done it. (In other words, we know chimpanzees kiss because they've actually kissed anthropologists.) But, moles 2 rub noses or dogs lick each other in the face er...

Well, what does it mean?

It means very different things to different people at different times, of course, but a huge amount of the brain becomes activated 3 when you kiss somebody. And all of the senses are involved, I mean, and so you pick up an enormous amount of information about somebody and send a lot of information about your intentions, er, about how interested you are in the other person. And of course, what you've eaten and drank and, and smoked...

Yes.

Right.

And, and I think , it's a, it's a fundamental human , you know, gesture and all those nerve endings are there for a reason and to Helen's point and it is the ultimate chemistry experiment for a couple, I mean, it signifies everything. Are we gonna create a brand new invention here or a miserable 4 explosion. And it's also like a mark of solidarity 5 in a relationship because what it does is it says, you know, we kiss each other because only we can and it signifies the unique position that we hold in each other's lives and that's why it's so awful to see your partner kissing someone else.

Oh, right.

You know, but it's also interesting. You talked about relationships where basically there's not enough kissing going on without then, going on to sex.

Right, kissing along can be great to reduce stress and all of that, (Sure.) how important is it in a relationship?

I think it's extremely, oh, different relationships are gonna be different, but apparently 6 people who kiss more regularly are also more intimate, feel more intimate towards each other and the kissing can actually trigger the brain system for romantic love or for deep attachment 7 or even for a forgiveness or trust.

I, I don't think you have to kiss everyday. It's not like taking a multivitamin, (I do) but I think, regular-make-out sessions say that there's more to the relationship than just SEX. And that, and that you can still get turned on like a couple of (yeah, just like kids ) high school kids in a dark corner of the gymnasium.

But men and women, look at kissing a little differently, don't they? Dave, for women, it's, it's everything.

Yeah. Oh, I think for a woman, it's pri a lot more sensual. Some guys, to their peril 8, they, they, they see it as a stop, a local stop on a train going to a much more interesting (Exactly) place.

And what they don't realize is women are the conductors on that train.(women gonna get there when they kiss one) And if you don't have the right ticket, you are off at the next stop.

But let's help men out of it, let's help men a little bit here, how do you actually, this can be such torment 9 for men. How do you know when a woman is ready to be kissed? Look, I mean.

She puts herself out there, I mean, women are very subtle and very good at that, she just gets herself within your intimate space, she smiles at you and she'll lean towards you and splaying, and then ... You know, men regard sex as more intimate than women do, I mean, women take the kissing, kissing for women is very sensual, I mean they get a better sense of smell, taste, hearing, and...

Then why a man sees it as more intimate?

Er, they, they, women may feel it a little bit more intensely, but I think men put a lot of meaning on it.

When, you know, we, in the break room we were talking about when it's appropriate to kiss someone and it is in what situations? You go to a party, you meet someone for the first time. OK to kiss them goodnight? I mean, even it's just on the cheek?

Look, I think if it's before 5 p.m. and you're in any kind of office setting, you know, no kissing, after that, you're on their own, you're on your own. If it's two guys and it's something like, and it's a social setting, a lot of guys are kind of doing that, I think, I think the hug, hugging it out is, is a good way to go. I mean, when Michael Corleone, you know, kissed Fraydo, (right) it did not end well.

Yes, that's right.

I know, I'm not a big fan of it, you know.

Went at all, do no kiss.

Helen Fisher and Dave Zinczenko , thank-you to both of you. Is it appropriate for you two to kiss at this point? You've been working together for a while.

Well, if we do it, right, we will be employing 34 facial muscles. So um... Well, the answer, it's like to call the French kiss, so, so no whimpering out.