英语小幽默-2
英语课
My Father's Ashes
A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he's standing 1 there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up, and as he's looking at it. She walks back in. He says: "What's this?" She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there." He goes, "Geez...oooh....I..." She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray(烟灰缸)." (note: "ashes" has two meanings 1) a container for holding the burned cigarette. 2) a box for holding the burned dead body.)
I Drop my Weight From Skipping
Mr. Smith was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure 2 for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost 5 pounds." When Mr. Smith returned, he had lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" Mr. Smith nodded. "I'll tell you 'though, I thought I was going to drop dead by the end of that 3rd day." "From hunger, you mean?" "No, from skipping! (note: "skip" has two meanings 1) jump 2) stop doing something)
Now We Run
A priest 3 is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boys efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly 4 on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a sold ring. Crouching 5 down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently 6 and asks, "And now what, my little man?" To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"
Pig or Witch
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells 7 "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH(女巫)!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.
A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he's standing 1 there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up, and as he's looking at it. She walks back in. He says: "What's this?" She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there." He goes, "Geez...oooh....I..." She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray(烟灰缸)." (note: "ashes" has two meanings 1) a container for holding the burned cigarette. 2) a box for holding the burned dead body.)
I Drop my Weight From Skipping
Mr. Smith was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure 2 for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost 5 pounds." When Mr. Smith returned, he had lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" Mr. Smith nodded. "I'll tell you 'though, I thought I was going to drop dead by the end of that 3rd day." "From hunger, you mean?" "No, from skipping! (note: "skip" has two meanings 1) jump 2) stop doing something)
Now We Run
A priest 3 is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boys efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly 4 on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a sold ring. Crouching 5 down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently 6 and asks, "And now what, my little man?" To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"
Pig or Witch
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells 7 "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH(女巫)!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.
n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的
- After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
- They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。
n.程序，手续，步骤；常规的做法
- The results show clearly that this procedure is correct.事实充分说明这种做法是正确的。
- It has passed through an interesting procedure of evolution.它经过了一个有趣的进化过程。
n.神父，牧师，司铎，司祭，领导者，神甫；vt.使成为神职人员
- He confessed to a priest that he had sinned.他向神父忏悔他犯了罪。
- The priest visited all the old people in the parish.牧师探望了教区里的所有老人。
adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地
- Her neighbours spoke of her as kindly and hospitable.她的邻居都说她和蔼可亲、热情好客。
- A shadow passed over the kindly face of the old woman.一道阴影掠过老太太慈祥的面孔。
v.屈膝，蹲伏( crouch的现在分词 )
- a hulking figure crouching in the darkness 黑暗中蹲伏着的一个庞大身影
- A young man was crouching by the table, busily searching for something. 一个年轻人正蹲在桌边翻看什么。 来自汉英文学 - 散文英译