访谈录 2010-05-12&05-16 解读剩女现象-5

Is it intimidating 1 to black men to have two successful, financially independent women like these?

-One of the biggest, again, misconceptions, that women pass amongst themselves is that a man can’t handle being in a relationship with a woman that makes earns more than he does. Because you’ve got to understand the way men think. Men think that situation is temporary, anyway, so a man can handle it. But women believe that he can't, so therefore, they start to erect 2 different types of obstacles to the types of communication so they start to even manipulate their own behavior, etc. etc. etc. So that's part of that misinformation we talk about. Another part of the misinformation just to be fair, on men, is something that Steve is talking about. The misinformation piece that we have that a lot of brothers will say, often times, I ain’t get that relationship as soon as I get here or get there. What a lot of brothers don't realize is what Steve said is that if you just look at the data, statistically 3 speaking, uh, you have better a chance of getting there in partnership 4 with someone than on your own.

-With a lot of my single girlfriends and women that I know that I talk to, it’s not like all of us are trying to date brawlers, so many of us have date a guy that we see potentials in… A lot. Anybody out there (yeah~)dating guys? That they are there! And what happens not in our cases, in a lot of cases, the reason why we end up single is because the man cheats or he does something, no, it’s like, hear me out, Jimi, just hear me out. What I am saying is we come to the table, we say, you know what, but he seems like a good brother, he may not have this on my list, but you know what, together, you know what, we can make it work, and then our hearts were broken, and there were and not  just every woman, but I am just saying that a lot of times we do do that, we do say, you know what, I may want this, but you know what, this is a good man, he seems like a good brother, let me try this.

-We've recognized so much potential, and we sat there and to the, you know, our girlfriends and family say why you want him, because you all don't know what I know, you don't see what I see in this man and I am sticking in here. And then we do that, and we do that and we do that , and then it comes this upgrading thing where you, you know, sometimes, we feel like that we are not adored like other women in other races are adored, that we have sat there and we have worked a couple of jobs and we've said "get out of there and do your thing, do your thing, and then we watch as you leave(That's right~) and go to another woman, uh, and that hurts.

-Do black men have problems with commitment and have a problem with cheating?

-I don't, I don't know. I'll take it, I'll take it, Okay.

-Anybody out had that problem?

-Anybody been cheating on out there?

-'Cause we are tired. 'cause we have been, we have been in there with you, with your potential, God knows, we've been in there, and sometimes it gets to a point where we get tired, you know we're trying.

-Listen to me, Sherri I, I, I, completely hear that and understand, but when you talk about that, I know you are not saying this, but brothers are tired too.

-Okay, okay, all right.

-You have to understand.

-Tired of what? Hill?

-Of what? What you  are tired of? Tell me, what you are tired of? I want to know, I am listening.

-Steve believes me out there.

-Pass me the buck 5, Steve.

-Now listen. No.1, we come out and over the last forty or fifty years and you looked at the jobs, you go and transfer out of the industrial age into more of office-based working environment, right? Brothers found it more difficult to find those office jobs, the individuals that they were hiring, the men ,didn't look like we are hiring, were more comfortable hiring black women for those jobs. So what starts happening is that sisters start earning because brothers are having troubles finding jobs. The industrial types of jobs are going away. And all of a sudden, sisters are earning, more sisters getting opportunities within these corporations etc,etc etc. And you have brothers that are finding it more difficult because there are men that are threatened by brothers that are running things.

-I agree, absolutely.

-I totally agree with him.

-So, when I say brothers are tired in a certain way , I am not saying they are tired of black women, I am saying they are tired of dealing 6 with the things that you are dealing as a black man attempting to get you a piece, your piece of pie. So what happens is, what do brothers want at the end of the day after dealing with that? They want to come home to a sister who has some, you know, listen up, in a way, joy, efforts of vesence life whatever.

-Free! Be real.

-So, so, I’m not saying and trust me, I’m not saying that means everything you just walk around, and you will just pull your hair just, you know, happy-go-lucky. But the point is we have been mature enough, put a baggage where we both come to each other raw, naked, kinda hurt, but saying, together we are gonna solve this problem. When I get invited to the event, you’re gonna come with me, period.

-I don't think that, you know, overwhelmingly that black women, successful black women ,especially don't want to be there for their men. And anyway, and that we don't want to be happy and loving and nurturing 7 when you come home from a hard day, we get it. We doubt with so many things as yong women ,as a whole that a lot of other races have committed suicide over as young people. You know the molestation 8, the grown-ups without a father, the being forced into growing up too fast around the house 'cause mom gotta work two or three jobs. If you are brown skin, or if you are heavy, or if you are not as attractive as the girls in the magazine, feeling like you are not pretty enough. So, when you talk about being happy when you come home, when you act to that, that the man may be cheating on you or not seeming appreciative 9 of what you are trying to do, then it hurts.

-Well, do you find that black women are too angry and too bitter, is that what you are saying as a man?

-No, that's not what I am saying.

-No, I am not saying this.

-No.

-No?

-What I am saying, what I am saying…

-You did say that! You did say it.

-What I am saying, what I’m saying, in total, you can pick out as many different voices as you want. What I’m saying in total is, I think we all just want partners. You know, to be honest, I don't want a woman that's home wait when you get home from work. Because I mean she is not out earning, so it is, our.. hold on, hold on a second, hold on, hold on, hold on, because I want a partner, I want a partner, hold on, hold on. hold on, hold on

-It is the way you say it. I know, I know...

-Let me finish, let me finish. When she gets home from her job, I wanna have dinner ready, I wanna be pulling off her shoes and I wanna rub her feet.

-Okay. But you can't take the cornrows out of her hair.