访谈录 2010-05-07&05-11 解读剩女现象-4

-It's the misinformation that we have about each other. Your grandmothers have taught you things that just absolutely not true. Uh, wait on a man to ask you to marry him. Well, see, hold on, you are in the relationship, you have every right to know where your life is going and what timetable is going on, see we leave out something which is marry thing. Oh well, I wanna get married, he ain't ask me. Do you know you all own the whole…clock, you all have a biological clock that steadily 1 ticking from the time you turned 18. We ain't, got no clock.We do not have a clock. (I get two airs left, Steve, two airs.) See right there. So, by 25 you start getting a little bit more serious, by 30, you think I’m 30, wow, I gotta have a child. A guy turns 30 there is nothing in us. That's it we have to have a child. There is nothing been 30 that say it we have to be married. The only thing keeps in with us at 30 is I gotta start giving my money right. But then we are engaged in so much foolishness by the time we are 30. We so caught in the game of showing a manhood as a player, as the man that we now have our life out of order, and once your life is out of order, you are in trouble, (you) won’t give your money right. Because your money are never gave right until you get your life in order.

-There lies one of the problems. Our timing 2 is out. So then by the time, there were, they need to be, we've already been there. So in your book you say, women should look at a man's potential, a lot of time we don't do that. You know when you say why can’t a successful black woman find a man, a lot of times we have got into a potential place, and I have this window of time, I can't look at your potential. You want I, uh, you know, I wanna, hey I wanna my own cattle ranch 3, so I am starting now with different cattle. I don't have time. I need you to have realized some of your potential. It's not I am putting you down, but it's like I am there already, I am trying to give what I've worked hard, so hard to have, and I am asking for the same.

-But Sherri, you are looking it in such a microscope. You put potential into where he is at in terms of his career. There is a whole idea, there is always different capacities. Your goals are in line with you, you wanna have children, have a family, right? (Right) So he is part of that potential, no matter where he is at his career.(Well, a man is always a part of potential to get me pregnant and…)Let's hold on,(No, I am serious) let's take this potential for example (Okay) and I will use some folks that I've known for almost 20 years. There was, I talk about this in my book, very briefly 4, the 4th year attorney at a very promising 5 Chicago law firm who is doing extremely well, she is on the way to becoming a partner. A guy wants to date her, just got out of school, didn't have a job, had a car with a hole in it, had no money, but she is a very successful lawyer. And she is actually even practicing in her hometown where she has incredible relationships, he is not even from the town, he doesn't know anybody. She saw potential in him, in fact she saw so much that when they were married. She was the primary bread winner in the family for the first ten maybe more years in the family. Now he is President of the United States and she is the First Lady.

-That, that, that is dating potential.

-Well, let me tell you something about that potential. I completely, Hill, you are right, you are right. First lady, thank god, she saw his potential. But as well President Obama didn't come to her "hey I want to be a lawyer”. He came into that law firm graduating from Harvard already. So when he came, but I am not, I am just saying, so when he came, yes, she saw the potential, but excuse me, ladies, when you come from Harvard, and you come, you work at a law firm, you may not be making with the partners making, but I already know you are going to be make it. You gonna be able to take care...she digs his potentials.

-And on top of that, they were in their 20s. They were in their early 20s. The man you date then when you are in your 20s are not the same man you are going to date in your 30s or 40s. It’s just not!

-And I’m not speaking of...okay.

-See, you are keep clapping about this. And that’s why you are so off at. You've been taught this. It’s embedded 6 in your line of thinking and then when a man tells you the real deal, you won't even want to hear it.  First of all, there is a difference between becoming a woman and becoming a man, we all agree with that. It's not saying one is harder than the other. It's just a different set of rules to become that. What you do not realize is that you are really the missing link, the peace to this man’s whole being in self and understandings. You won't give yourself to credit, but then at the same time, you won't ask to be the blame. Do you follow what I am saying to you? The what Hill Harper is trying to say to you point blend there are man with potential but because you are eyeballing the position so hard, you can't see the potential.

-Are all of you are saying black woman are too picky, they need to lower their standards?

-The standards should be reasonable. I don’t think a lawyer is a standard.

-I don’t think we have unreasonable 7 standards, sir.

-Look, look, you know what, the same thing you look for a good person, you should look for a good mate. He should loyal (Absolutely). There should be mutual 8 attraction that mean, you keep yourself tight, and he keeps him tight, looking. And he should be hardworking, because you could find a leg missing with three eyes and he has these three qualities you and he can make it work.

-We are going be real. That's not gonna happen.

-Why would we want to make it work? Why would you?

-Aha, I am just saying it. If that’s what you want, if you find him attractive, he find you attractive, you can make it work.

-You know, I am trying to hear you. I’m not trying to argue against what you are saying. But when you're saying in your book as well, Steve, I think I have three copies of your book that I am giving away to friends, you talk about man have to get to a place and their position, that's important to man too. Their position and what they do because they define who they are. But then you try to make me sound like I am at fault. Because I am going, that's important to me too, I look for stability. I want a man that can come and know that he can take care of the family,(Great) he can be that man. He can step into that position. And I feel like, you know, you are not understanding Hill, I am. I’m trying to listen to you, but it is importantly you two, your position that you guys are working hard, you strive hard for something. And when I say, I want the same thing. Then I am wrong for asking for that (Well, automatically...) Now you are stared to clap, with Steve together. Hah-hah.

-Again, with nobody's ask you to lower your standards. But what I am saying is...hold on a second, hold a second, women choose men, right? Don’t go around choosing bums 9, you choose(That’s why we have standards) hold on a second , you choose the dude to press out the joy, you choose the dude to work on a birthday cake. Hold on a second, time out, time out, time out, time out.

-Are women too picky, or are they picking…

-We haven't say anything Jimi.

-You choose a dude, you choose a dude. And he doesn’t have all the three qualities. I mean he maybe attractive to you mutually, but he isn’t loyal and he isn’t hardworking. Women have to make better choices, I think.

-Jimi, but I'm confused you want us to lower our standards, (No, I don't), but if we choose bums, we are choose it too low.

-He clearly is not hearing what you are saying. So, Sherri, I am feeling where you at. And I understand what Jacque saying too. You should not accept less than you've looked. It is the beginning of the demands that you do that. But what I am telling about this side over here, men are very used to standards and requirements, that's how we make the tramp team, the basketball team, that's how we start become the highest jumper on the street, we start from hooking around from pool to pool to fast it. So your standard is what we know we have to rise up to. What happens along with as you lower your standards with your frustration 10, you then allowed this mediocrity to enter into your life, so you must start with your standards keeping in the right way you are, your 100%. Now here is what Hill saying about, in your standards are you looking for the standards of the ambitious guy, the hard worker. You are oftentimes, the difference maker 11, the one thing that can kick the guy to the next level.