TED演讲:电击疗法如何改变了我(6)

 　　Well, he said, "Can't we try a course of electroshock therapy?"  “难道我们不能尝试一下点击疗法吗？”

　　And you know why they agreed? They agreed to humor him.  你知道他们为什么同意了？他们不想和他争执。
　　They just thought, "Well, we'll give a course of 10.  他们想，就试10次电疗吧。
　　And so we'll lose a little time. Big deal. It doesn't make any difference."  我们只是浪费点时间。反正也没有什么区别。
　　So they gave the course of 10,  所以他们给我进行了10个疗程的电击疗法，
　　and the first -- the usual course, incidentally, was six to eight, and still is six to eight. 第一个疗程通常是6-8次，现在还是6-8次
　　Plugged me into the wires, put me to sleep, gave me the muscle relaxant.  于是他们给我帖导电片，麻醉，让我肌肉松弛。
　　Six didn't work. Seven didn't work. 6次没有用，7次也没效果。
　　Eight didn't work.  8次还是没用，
　　At nine, I noticed --  到了第9次，我感觉到---
　　and it's wonderful that I could notice anything, I noticed a change. 我自己能够感觉到真是太好了.我感觉到了变化。
　　And at 10, I noticed a real change. 到了第10次，我感到了真的不同。
　　And he went back to them, and they agreed to do another 10.  然后他找到其他医生们，他们同意再做10次。
　　Again, not a single one of them  这些医生中没有一个相信
　　I think there are about seven or eight of them thought this would do any good. 我想他们中大概7，8位都不信，他们认为电击没有用。
　　They thought this was a temporary change.  他们认为这只是暂时的改善。
　　But, lo and behold 1, by 16, by 17,  结果让大家惊讶的是到了第16，17次，
　　there were demonstrable differences in the way I felt.  我已经明显感觉到了变化。
　　By 18 and 19, I was sleeping through the night.  到了第18，19次，我已经可以安睡整晚了。
　　And by 20, I had the sense, I really had the sense that I could overcome this, 第20次完成，我真的感觉我可以战胜忧郁症，
　　that I was now strong enough that by an act of will,  我已经很坚强，可以靠意志力
　　I could blow the obsessional 2 thinking away.  扫除强迫性思考，
　　I could blow the depression away.  告别忧郁症。
　　And I've never forgotten -- I never will forget  我永远也不会忘记
　　standing 3 in the kitchen of the unit,  站在疗养院的厨房，
　　it was a Sunday morning in January of 1974, 1974年1月的星期天早上，
　　standing in the kitchen by myself and thinking, "I've got the strength now to do this."  我独自站在厨房，心想“我现在有康复的力量了。”
　　It was as though those tightly coiled wires in my head had been disconnected and I could think clearly. 好像在我头脑中紧紧纠结着的电路被拆除了，我思路清晰。
　　But I need a formula. I need some thing to say to myself when I begin thinking obsessionally 4, obsessively 5. 但我需要一个方法。需要提醒我自己，以防我陷入强迫性思考
　　Well, the Gilbert and Sullivan fans in this room  在座的吉尔伯特和沙利文的粉丝们
　　will remember "Ruddigore," and they will remember Mad Margaret,  会记得歌剧Ruddy Gore 6和疯狂玛格丽特
　　and they will remember that she was married to a fellow named Sir Despard Murgatroyd. 会记得她嫁给一个名叫德斯帕特爵士
　　And she used to go nuts, every five minutes or so in the play,  她在剧中差不多每5分钟都会发狂
　　and he said to her, "We must have a word to bring you back to reality,  他对她说，“我们得有个密语把你拉回现实”
　　and the word, my dear, will be 'Basingstoke.'"  亲爱的，我们就定“贝辛斯托克”吧
　　So every time she got a little nuts, he would say, "Basingstoke!" 所以每次她有点发狂时，他就说：“贝辛斯托克！”
　　And she would say, "Basingstoke, it is." And she would be fine for a little while. 她就回答说，“是的，贝辛斯托克。” 她就能好一段时间。
　　Well, you know, I'm from the Bronx. I can't say "Basingstoke."  好吧,你知道,我来自布朗克斯,我不能说"贝辛斯托克"
　　But I had something better. And it was very simple.  我有更好的主意,非常简单
　　It was, "Ah, fuck it!"  就是:"诶呀,去他的!"
　　Much better than "Basingstoke," at least for me. 比贝辛斯托克好多了，至少对于我来说。
　　And it worked -- my God, it worked.  这真的管用,天呀.
　　Every time I would begin thinking obsessionally --  每次我开始强迫性思维时
　　again, once more, after 20 shock treatments I would say, "Ah, fuck it." 在历经20次电疗之后，我都说"哎呀,去他的!"