为什么你总是单身?史上最糟男友条件你有吗?

    单身狗们，不要黯然神伤啦！不如反省一下自己，最容易导致单身的原因你占几样？且看“史上最糟男友”现场为你演绎“单身宝典”！本故事纯属虚构，仅供参考，切勿模仿哦~ 话说，妹纸们遇到这么一位极品男友，也是够悲催的……想要脱单，就得先了解女人，让飞儿带各位单身狗进入女儿家的世界吧！

　　女人=天生反话王信了，你就输了
　　女人跟爱人说的话可千万不要全部当真，作为另一半的男士们需要了解这些女人们通用的反话，否则就等着被收拾吧！
　　1) Fine 算了
　　This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
　　当女人们认为自己有理时，她们通常喜欢用这个词来结束争吵，而这时你应该闭嘴。
　　2) Five Minutes 5分钟就好
　　If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping 1 around the house.
　　如果她在换衣服打扮什么的，她说的五分钟事实上还要半个小时。而当她在打扫屋子而你在看球赛的时候，那她嘴里的五分钟可就真的是再给你五分钟了。
　　3) Nothing 没事
　　This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
　　这是暴风雨来临之前的预兆。她嘴上说没事其实却是有事的，你可得当心点了。一开始说“没事”的争吵往往最终以“算了”结束。
　　4) Go Ahead 想去就去呗
　　This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
　　这只是在警告你，类似于“你敢？”，而不是真的准你去，千万别当真。
　　5) Loud Sigh 长叹一口气
　　This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing 2 here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
　　虽然没具体说什么，但是这确实传达了她的心思，男人们却往往误读了这个信号。长叹一口气意味着她心里觉得你是个大白痴，不知道自己为什么还要在这里浪费时间跟你吵些鸡毛蒜皮的事。（这个的严重程度请参照3）
　　6) That's Okay 没关系
　　This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
　　这是女人对男人说的一句最危险的话。“没关系”就意味着她还需要点时间好好想想什么时候怎么样让你付出代价。
　　7) Thanks 谢谢
　　A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' – that is PURE sarcasm 3 and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'. that will bring on a 'whatever').
　　如果一个女人对你说谢谢，不要问为什么，也不要昏倒。你只需要对她说不用谢。（我很想在这里加一句--她如果只说谢谢，那么她是真心的，但她如果说非常感谢的时候，她只是想讽刺你罢了，根本没有一丝谢意。千万别回答不用谢，那只会换来一句“Whatever”。）
　　8) Whatever 随你便
　　Is a woman's way of saying F– YOU!
　　这时候女人已经在心里骂人了。
　　9) Don't worry about it, I got it. 算了，还是我来吧
　　Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.
　　这是另一个非常危险的信号，意思是她已经说了很多遍让你去做某事，但最后她决定亲自动手。最后通常是男的追问她“怎么了？”，女人会说“nothing”。
　　最后奉上各个星座对这个浪漫节日的不同反应：
　　Aries: You're determined 4 to receive the most cards, candy and flowers. Who says sending roses to yourself doesn't count?
　　白羊座：期望收到很多卡片、甜点和鲜花。谁说给自己送花不算数？
　　Taurus: A bouquet 5 of dandelions, dime 6 store chocolates and dinner at a fast food restaurant? Relax, it was just a bad dream!
　　金牛座：难道仅仅是一束蒲公英，廉价巧克力或者快餐店的一顿晚餐吗？放松点，这只不过是个恶梦。
　　Gemini: You make two dates for the night -- and then backup plans with your friends in case you decide to flake 7 on your original plans.
　　双子座：你为今晚准备了两个约会，这样万一原定约会泡汤了还可以和朋友一起。
　　Cancer: Ooh, there's nothing like candy heart art and lace doilies to get you going! Martha Stewart's got nothing on you.
　　巨蟹座：没有什么能像心形点心和系着绸带的礼物那样吸引你。但是大款可没准备送给你礼物。
　　Leo: You are displeased 8 by the single red rose some admirer left on your windshield. Clearly you are worth at least a dozen!
　　狮子座：有人悄悄送了一支玫瑰，这让你很是恼火，因为至少该送一打玫瑰啊！
　　Virgo: You refuse to share the box of chocolates you receive -- what if someone fingers them? What if someone sneezes on your roses?
　　处女座：拒绝跟别人分享你收到的巧克力。有人拿手指拨弄怎么办？有人对着你的玫瑰打了个喷嚏怎么办？
　　Libra: You send valentines to everyone you know: your hairdresser, your fourth grade teacher, your manicurist, your manicurist's cousin … You don't want anyone to feel left out.
　　天秤座：你给认识的每个人都送去情人节的祝福：你的理发师、你四年级的老师、你的美甲师、美甲师的表弟……你不想让任何人被遗忘。
　　Scorpio: Why go out for a fancy dinner when you already have dessert waiting at home? Who knew that a Cupid costume could be so sexy?
　　天蝎座：与其在家坐等餐后甜点不如出去享受一次奇特的美味。谁能想到丘比特的衣服会如此性感呢？
　　Sagittarius: You can't commit to sending a card -- what if the recipient 9 reads too much into it? You fake temporary amnesia 10 to avoid acknowledging the holiday.
　　射手座：不想赠送卡片——万一收卡人误解了你的意思怎么办？为了避免这个误会只好假装忘记了这个节日。
　　Capricorn: Lacy hearts and syrupy sentiments make you sneeze -- besides, nothing says love like a new electronic organizer!
　　摩羯座：带花边的心形食品和甜甜的味道让你禁不住打喷嚏——毕竟，谁都不会说爱情像一个新的电子记事本。
　　Aquarius: Manufactured holidays aren't your cup of decaffeinated herbal tea, but consuming a few vegan chocolates doesn't make you a conformist, does it?
　　水瓶座：这种人人都过的俗节似乎不太适合你的品位，但是稍稍随俗一下，也没什么。
　　Pisces: You live for this stuff! The world would be such a better place if we could all just hold hands and share heart-shaped cookies every day.
　　双鱼座：似乎你天生就为了过这个节日。如果每天都能分享心形甜点多好啊。