成长的烦恼第七季:The Wrath of Con Ed

Ben: Looking sharp dad.
Jason: Well I have no choice. See your mother, a women in the high maintenance category, requires a top drawer evening.
Ben: F.Y.I. dad, its popcorn-shrimp night at the sizzler.
Jason: Well thanks but unfortunately three months ago we planned tonight for a special night of theater, dinner, dancing, and the works.
Ben: The works? Ah, you mean sex.
Jason: Ben I know your 15 but not everything you hear is a euphemism 1 for sex.
Ben: Well I guess not. I mean you sure don't seem very excited about taking mom out.
Jason: Well it's just that I have a speech to prepare for Monday, I've got the clinic budgets due next week, and I'd cancel tonight but it would break your mother's heart. Oh, you look fabulous 2.
Maggie: Well I have been looking forward to this for months.
Jason: I'll pull the car around. I'm thrilled!
Maggie: Oh, me too! Ah…I'd do anything to get out of this.
Ben: Huh?
Maggie: Oh, I've got a column due next week, and I'm in the middle of researching another. I need a night out like I need a paper cut.
Ben: Gee 3 mom, you know, dad sure would be disappointed if you didn't go.
Maggie: Oh, I know, but…
Carol: Mom is it ok if I borrowed your perfume?
Maggie: Oh, of course honey! Anything you want, I'm just so glad to have you home.
Carol: Mom, take it easy your giving me hug burns.
(Horn honks)
Ben: Man, dad can't wait to get you alone mom.
Maggie. I'll get my coat. The sooner I get this started the sooner I get it over with.
Carol: Marriage is never going to do that to me. Oh Kate, thanks for agreeing to have diner with Dwight and me. I mean I really want Mike and Dwight to be friends but I know you had to talk Mike into coming tonight.
Kate: Don't be silly, Mike is really looking forward to this. He is so excited.
Mike: I've got a tape worm.
Carol: Poor baby! Where does it hurt?
Mike: Ah, well, well right there.
Carol: You're going, and if you hurt Dwight's feelings you'll wish you had a tape worm.
Mike: Oh my! A trip to London really mellowed 4 her out.
Kate: A tape worm?
Mike: Well I was going to go with rickets 5, but I figured she wouldn't buy it two times in a row.
Chrissy: Why didn't you tell mommy that daddy didn't really want to go?
Ben: Well, because they think I'm going over to Stinky's.
Chrissy: So?
Ben: Well, I'm actually going cruising with Chuck Stake. Tonight he's going to let me ride inside the car.
Chrissy: You told a lie!
Ben: Quiet or I'll melt your Disney tapes. (Talking on the phone) Hello. It's the woman who has to put up with you tonight. A broken leg? As in you can't come baby-sit? Well, if no bones are poking 6 out, I don't see why not? But you have to! It's a matter of life and death! Ah!
Ben: I don't believe this. I was actually going to ride with Chuck Stake. No more running along side. No more explaining why I need new shoes.
Chrissy: Shh…I'm watching TV.
(Horn honks)
Ben: Yo, Chuck Stake! You want to come in?
Chrissy: We are watching the Little Mermaid 7. You looked like a loser.
Dwight: Welcome to the land that time forgot.
Mike: It's an attic 8.
Carol: Not its not! It's a Mid-evil banquette hall.
Mike: Ah, my mistake.
Kate: Carol everything looks beautiful.
Carol: Why thank you. Now, please sit down and make yourselves comfortable.
Dwight: I'll go fetch our sumptuous 9 repasts, so we can slay 10 our appetites and slake 11 our thirsts.
Carol: That means you get to eat and drink. Do you need some help my dearest darling?
Dwight: Oh, no thank you my luscious 12 lamb-chop.
Carol: Are you sure my stalwart stevedore 13?
Dwight: Quite, my whimsical wench.
Mike: Get the food!
Kate: Carol, your dress is beautiful.
Carol: Thank you, Dwight made it. Yes, he sews.
Mike: Dwight, how did you open that door?
Dwight: Oh, it's simple. I rigged it to electric pressure mats on both sides, so the door opens and closes on its own.
Mike: Where did you get that idea, the lost note books of Leonardo da Vinci?
Dwight: No, the door of the Piggly-Wiggly.
Jason: (thinking to himself) I could increase clinic manpower. Will you knock it off; you suppose to be enjoying a night out with your wife. Oh, look at her, having the time of her life.
Maggie: (thinking to herself) I'd give you cash to turn this car around. Stop it; you know how much he wants to go out tonight.
Jason: I'd rather put thumb tacks 14 in my shorts. I should tell her.
Maggie: I've got so much to do at home; I've got to tell him. Jason….
Jason: Sweetheart I've…You go first.
Maggie: Honey, how do you feel about going out tonight?
Jason: Oh, jazzed and tingly. You?
Maggie: Oh, in the ballpark of jazzed. Just a side of tingly.
Jason: What, more like, uhhh…
Maggie: I'd rather have thumb tacks in my shorts.
Jason: Me too.
Maggie: Honey, I'm so sorry…you'd rather have thumb tacks too?
Jason: Yeah, I don't want to go out tonight. You want to go home?
Maggie: Oh you bet. Oh honey, isn't this the silliest thing we have ever done?
Jason: Well we did have a slight miscommunication, based on our great love for one another. Here we can stop next ramp 15 straight home make the most what is left this evening.
Maggie: Ok, but why are we slowing down?
Jason: Well, there's brake lights up ahead. Probably just some minor 16 delay.
Kate: This turnip 17 soup is…umm…it's interesting.
Mike: Ninety-nine percent flavor free.
Carol: You have absolutely no since of adventure.
Mike: Hey, I'm here aren't I?
Kate: So, uh, Dwight what else are we having?
Dwight: Thought you'd never ask. Voila.
Kate: Meat?
Carol: Dwight, I thought I told you, Kate doesn't eat anything with a face.
Dwight: I cut it off.
Mike: Well, just out of curiosity Dwight, what was it when it had a face?
Dwight: Just your plain, garden variety muskrat 18.
Mike: Muskrat? Dwight, where did you get a muskrat? Did some guy in an alley 19 come up to you, open his coat, and it was just hanging there?
Dwight: You know Merve?
Mike: Carol, you've had some weird 20 boyfriends before but this time you got the door prize.
Carol: Ok Mike, that it, apologize to Dwight or I am never talking to you again?
Mike: Great! Two birds with one stone.
Dwight: You've had other boyfriends?
Carol: Ah, I should have known. I mean there is no way for us to be friends. We are like oil and water, smart and stupid, and Dwight I told you Kate was a vegetarian 21.
Kate: Carol, he meant well.
Dwight: Hey, I can handle my own woman.
Kate: Your own woman? Carol, is that the kind of relationship you two have?
Carol: You're talking to me about relationships and you're with that?
Mike: Oh, hey, let's face facts here. There are four people in this room; two of them are wearing tights, and it isn't us. Kate, come on get your stuff, we are out of here.
Kate: Dwight we had a lovely time.
Mike: No, no, no. Kate you don't have to be polite unless you want to be invited back.
Dwight: Hey!
Ben: Hey!
Chrissy: Hey! What happened?
Ben: The lights went off.
Chrissy: Thank you Mr. Science. Now put them back on.
Ben: Chrissy I can't, I think the power is off.
Chrissy: I don't like the dark.
Ben: Oh, here's some matches. Chrissy get off my leg.
Chrissy: Ok.
Ben: Aw!! Oh, that's lots better. I'm going to see if I can find out what happened. Hold on. Not that tight! Man, the whole neighborhood is dark.
Chrissy: What did you do?
Ben: Nothing! It's a power failure, why are you blaming me?
Chrissy: This never happens when mommy or daddy are home.
Ben: Look, you stay right here, I know where a flashlight is. Mom keeps it up here next to the uh….Christmas ornaments 23. Great, it still works.
Chrissy: That's not a real light. Put the lamp back on.
Ben: Chrissy, I can't there is no electricity.
Chrissy: Oh, so let's watch television tell it comes back on.
Ben: Next time I baby-sit you, dad is buying me a car. Great, here is the radio. Now maybe we can find out what is going on.
Chrissy: Wait a minute, I can't watch T.V. but you can listen to the radio?
Ben: Chrissy! We are going to play a little game called "shut up". You go first.
Radio announcer: The storm has downed a number of power lines causing blackouts over most of long island.
Radio announcer: Local predicts that the blackout will last another eight to twelve hours.
Mike: A blackout, great! Dwight, open the door.
Dwight: Woops!
Mike: I don't want to hear woops from this guy.
Dwight: I just remembered that the door is electrically patched into the main circuitry of the house. No way can we date a house of this age….
Mike: Cut to the chase.
Dwight: We are trapped like rats.
Mike: All right. Kate, watch you, I am going to break a window.
Kate: Mike!
Carol: Wait, wait, wait! There is an icy wind out there and the heat is off. You are not breaking anything.
Mike: Look Carol, all I have to do is throw something down to the street with a note attached explaining our situation. Now, uh, what's the most worthless thing we've got up here?
Carol: You leave my Dwight alone.
Kate: It's getting cold.
Dwight: Never thought I'd die by freezing. I always thought it would be a shower mishap 24.
Mike: Come on, we are not going to freeze. There are plenty of ways to keep warm. Like, uh…
Dwight: We could eat.
Carol/Mike/Kate: Pass
Dwight: I was talking about dessert.
Mike: Oh, don't tell me. Merve sold you a goose for a goose berry pie?
Dwight: No, waffle sweet-cake.
Kate: I'm starved. Promise there is not a speck 25 of meat in this?
Dwight: None. Just a hogs 26 heard of "wassa wine".
Jason: Move it goober.
Maggie: Feel better?
Jason: I did until I realized that is a police car in front of us.
Police man: Excuse me sir, but did you just call me goober?
Jason: That was trooper, trooper. Thanks for asking. Good night.
Police man: We've got some downed power lines up ahead. Most of the island is blacked out. Keep your pants on.
Maggie: A black out, Jason the children!
Jason: Oh relax sweetheart. Chrissy is with a sitter, the others are fine. Mike is probably taking advantage of it.
Maggie: Oh great! Of all the nights to be taken away from home.
Jason: What's that suppose to mean. What like this is my fault? Maggie, three months ago tonight was just a date on the calendar. We mutually circled it for some quality time together.
Maggie: Oh, is that all this is to you?
Jason: The point is…
Maggie: What is this, some kind of clinical exercise? Ok Jason, what else was on your agenda? Eight P.M. say empty romantic words. Nine P.M. compliment my earrings 27. Eleven P.M. kiss me and hope for the best?
Jason: Sweetheart, look I'm sorry. I did want to be with you tonight. I wanted to spend…wait a minute, you didn't want to be here either!!
Maggie: No Jason, I didn't say I didn't want…
Jason: I have absolutely nothing to apologize for, Miss not tonight dear I have a deadline.
Maggie: Well, if that's the way you feel about it.
Jason: Where are you going?
Maggie: I am walking home. At least there people want to talk to me.
Jason: Ah!
Maggie: There is an icy wind and I am wearing thin shoes.
Carol: Well Mike, guess Miss Manners couldn't hold her cake.
Mike: Dwight, exactly how much wine is in a hogs head?
Dwight: About sixty-three gallons.
Mike: Sixty-three gallons?
Dwight: Most of it cooks off.
Mike: I don't believe this! First you get us trapped in the dark, then you try to feed us road kill, you get my girl plastered.
Dwight: Hey, in LA people pay big buck 28 for a party like that.
Mike: Yeah well this isn't LA. We are getting colder by the minute. How are you going to get us out of this mess curly, toes?
Dwight: Well, we can drape every walls, windows, keep out cold.
Mike: Alright, where can we get drapes around here.
Carol: Yes, he does drapes too.
Chrissy: I feel like the Stay Puff 29 Marshmallow Man. Why can't we put the heater on?
Ben: What are you complaining about? Your warm now, aren't you?
Chrissy: Yes.
Ben: Good.
Chrissy: Ben?
Ben: What!?!?
Chrissy: I have to go to the bathroom.
Ben: What? Why didn't you say that six layers ago?
Chrissy: Cause I didn't have to go then.
Ben: Well too bad, you're just going to have to hold it.
Chrissy: Is the bathroom electric too?
Ben: Yes!
Chrissy: This is all your fault Ben Seaver! You broke the lights, now you broke the bathroom; I bet you broke the whole neighborhood.
Ben: That's right Chrissy! I broke everything, its all part of my sick twisted plan. Guess what, I saved the best for last. We are going to die, it's freezing outside and the smallest goes first.
Chrissy: (cries)
Ben: Aw…come on Chrissy, I'm just kidding. Everything is going to be fine.
Chrissy: It is not. You said the smallest goes first, and I'm the smallest.
Ben: Look Chrissy don't cry. Ok, you want me to make a "googy" face?
Chrissy: You always have a "googy" face.
Ben: Ok, I'll tell you a story? How about the Three Little Pigs?
Chrissy: There is a wolf in that one.
Ben: Umm... how about Little Red Riding Hood 22?
Chrissy: There is a wolf in that one too.
Ben: Ginger 30 Bread Man?
Chrissy: Wolf.
Ben: Chrissy, isn't there anything I can do to make you feel better?
Chrissy: You can take me to the bathroom.
Ben: You got it. Walk this way. Stick with me cutie-pie; I'll take good care of you.
Jason: Five hours stuck in a car that is some romantic evening. What?
Maggie: You just described our first date.
Jason: Oh.
Maggie: What?
Jason: Yeah, I remember how hard I had to work to get you alone on that first car of mine.
Maggie: Well I still remember what you said. "Hey Malone, want to see my fuzzy dice 31?"
Jason: Don't laugh, it worked. I'm sorry about earlier.
Maggie: Yeah, me too. So what kind of evening did I miss?
Jason: Front row seats at Miss Saigon, a window table at the rainbow room, and a buggy ride through central park with what horse in the little flowered hat that you love so much.
Maggie: Ah, Jason, you really did want to make this a special night.
Jason: Yeah, I love you Maggie. Lately I miss you.
Maggie: I miss you too.
Jason: Well, here we are in a parked car. No kids around, everything is dark.
Maggie: I am coming back up front.
Jason: No, no. I got a better idea…yee haa.
Maggie: Jason, you and I in the back seat of a car, I half expect my father to shine his flashlight on us.
Jason: Yeah
Police Man: Roads clearing up, you kids beat it or I will have your parents meet us at the station.
Maggie: Oh, Jason, I'm sorry you missed Miss Saigon.
Jason: I'm just glad I got to see Mrs. Seaver.
Dwight: Hey, you know, I think this drape thing just might do it.
Mike: Your man's a walking punch line.
Carol: Mike, why do you pick on Dwight so much?
Mike: Oh gee Carol, I don't know. Maybe it's because he talks like a geek, he walks like a monkey, and he dresses like chimp 32. In fact, I think he is the fourth stooge.
Carol: Look Mike, I'm the first to admit that Dwight's a little….
Mike: Squirrelly?
Carol: Different.
Mike: Well you got that right.
Carol: Well let's face it; Polly-Anna over there wouldn't win the Miss Normal of the universe contest.
Mike: What's that suppose to mean?
Carol: Mike, she grazes.
Mike: Carol, the point is, Kate loves me and I love her. And for you information I think that grazing thing is kind of cute.
Carol: The way you feel about Kate, that's how I feel about Dwight. Well, it's just that Dwight is the first guy I've met who, who appreciates and understands me for who I really am. He is my significant other, so get use to it.
Mike: Could take a little while.
Kate: Hey everybody.
Mike: Hey sleepy head!
Kate: Why is it so warm in here, what happened?
Mike: Oh, well uh, curly toes…I mean Dwight, saved us with his drape idea. He can actually be pretty smart sometimes.
Dwight: Couldn't have done it without you Mike.
Kate: I wonder how long tell the power comes on.
Carol: Dwight, why don't you play some music for us to help us pass the time? Yes, he sings too.
(sing) Dwight: You just, you just call out my name and you know wherever I am, That I'll come running, to see you again. Winter, Spring, Summer, or Fall, all you got to do is call and I'll be there. I will. You got a friend.
Mike: Oh my gosh.
Carol: The black out's over. Yeah! Come here.
Kate: Well I guess we can go home now.
Carol: Yeah, sure can. But I was kind of enjoying that song though.
Dwight: Yeah, me too.
Mike: Well hey, we can finish it.
Mike, Dwight, Carol, Kate: You just, you just call out my name and you know wherever I am, I'll come running. To see you again.
Ben: Chrissy, hi, the black out's over. Want me to put you to bed?
Chrissy: No, I like it here with you.