访谈录[Interview]2007-10-06:如果你赚得比他多

(This) morning on Today's Money "women,love and money". What happens to a woman earns more than her mate. Well, here's what actress Teri Hatcher had to say Friday night on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno.

I think men have a hard time going out with women who make a lot more money than them.
Yeah.
And I think that dynam...oh, Thank you, then he is picking on me
How many men would love to be kept by a beautiful woman like that? Exact, Thank you, thank you, exactly.

Money Magazine and Today's Financial editor Jean Chatzky's here along with Psychotherapist and Cookie Magazine's contributing editor Robi Ludwig.
Good morning both of you.
Good morning.

Listen, this is an increasing issue because more and more women are out-earning their men.

Absolutely.Wasn't very long ago that this was a complete oddity. Today somewhere between 30 and 40 percent of women out earn their spouses 1. And by the year 2030 the average women in this country is expected to out-earn the average men.And that's just because of educational trends and women heading into the workforce 2.

So this represents a revolution really in our psychology 3. How we think about ourselves and how we relate to our spouses. (right)For a man it's very difficult and for the women it's difficult.So explain the psychology for this, Robi?

Well, for couples who are in the situation, very often they have to be pioneers because we very much revert 4 back to what we grew up with.And this, a generation ago,men were earning more money.They were making the decisions about money. (Right) And that's not the case. You really have to embrace, Let's culturally find a new way and be Okay with that. Money is not the only deciding factor (OK,so....Go ahead.)in terms of the men, in terms of the women?) It can't be the only deciding factor. (Right) If what you wanna have is a successful relationship. You both have to appreciate what you are bringing to the party.Not just financially but in terms of everything upon the table.

OK. It's easy for us to say , but for the guy it's really hard often times you know it's really hard because I think a lot of people think that your value is what you earn(Right)and it's not(Right. That's true)But for guys who grew up in that kind of househood, what's the best way for women to walk that minefield?Robi.

Well, also you have to remember that if a woman is succeeding and doing well then she's probably getting help from her partner.And her partner is helping 5 her to be that type of person. SO it's really restructuring(so credit him) credit him, make him a part of this success.(And be his biggest cheerleader. ) Be his cheerleader, and also understand that a man is just not a man if he's earning money, if he's supporting you if he's been nurturing 6 if he's being the person that you can talk to. That all has a lot of value.

And just like women have forever wanted financial autonomy in a relationship. We've wanted to have money with which to make our own decisions. It's really important no matter who's doing the earning of the bread,that each individual has that power. Look, just because we get married does not make us the same people. We still need to have the ability as individuals to decide what's important to us and go out and get that.

OK, so what does that mean exactly,for example,you know when men earn more, women don't want to be in the position where they are not in charge of thems(elves), e(qual), have an equal say.

Right, Women don't wanna be in the position where you get an allowance
Right. So fliping that then, what does that mean in terms of...What does that mean in terms of reality?
It means...
Does that mean you have a joint 7 checking account?

I think it means you have a household checking account but you each have your own checking accounts.And you each have your own credit cards which you need for a variety of reasons, not just based on relationship.

You know, Jean. It's very important that the woman does not treat under the circumstances the man's opinion as less important when it comes to finances...(absolutely)

It's a sink-or-swim when you are in a relationship, so you really have to get in the mode of "our".You put your money in a pot and grant it you figure our how you are gonna use it.But it's a relationship money. that's right. There's the fund in terms of what do you want /together as a family.

You have to have those joint goals (Right) and joint dreams and feel like that you are on the same team working together.

It can't be my money, your money. You/ gotta talk about shared goals. You gotta make this be what we are trying to build together in our relationship. So how do you open up that dialogue? How do you make sure he's good.Jean.

You make sure that you are on the same page as far as what you want.You sit down and you basically say are we doing what we both want to do going forward. And when it comes to the outsiders in the relationship,when it comes to the friends and the family, I think the best thing that you can do is just close ranks.You talk about your finances inside your family,you don't have to talk them outside.

It's nobody's business and you admire your husband.You know you admire the man that you are married to.You compliment him and you value him as a person.(Right)And that's what counts ultimately.