你的金钱和你的男人

You've heard the old saying "First comes love, then comes marriage." Unfortunately it fails to mention something a lot of couples struggle with, that's Money. In the years of columnist 1 for the Washington Post, Michelle Singletary has heard from a lot of women who are constantly fighting over the family finances. She offers up some sound advice and a new book <Your Money and Your Man>.Good morning and good to see you again. (Good morning). Congratulations on the new book. (Thank you). So, as you write this column, all these years you write in this column hear from a lot of people and you hear from a lot of women with money problem.

I do, I do. That's what inspired me to write this book. I get hundreds of E-mails on a weekly basis. Lots of them from women saying: I've got this issue with my man, and I got this issue with my husband, should I stay with this boyfriend? We're, you know, clashing over money, what should I do? And I just said, I wanted to write a book that takes them to every stage of their relationship from being single to dating, to be engaged, to marry and unfortunately, if it happens, if you divorced, but most of it concentrates on women and marriages and how to handle their money which are honey 'cause they're just not handling it well.

Handling not well, now you said there are a lot of mistakes that married er, women make and No.1 is that, not discussing money with the guy before you go down the aisle 2.

Absolutely. They will spend a year planning a wedding and less than an hour if they're talking about money. I mean this is the number one thing couples talk about and the number one thing they don't talked about before they get married.

All right, or the No.1 thing they fight about, maybe. yeah!

Absolutely, absolutely and it's crazy to me to get married to someone and you haven't for example, pool the credit reports and gone over them. And I say it to them, / people guess, "How could I share my credit report/?" Wait, you share almost everything else these days. You know honey.... So your mothers will open up your financial books when it's time for you to get married. So, there is no nasty credits surprises. I can not tell you how many times brokers 3 and lenders have told me that they've been a loan-close or, you know, to get the loan and they find out that one of the spouses 5 have a lot of debt that they haven't shared with their spouse 4. (Wow, wow). Do you believe that?

As they are getting ready to get the mortgage for the house whatever, (That's right) There they are the closing and suddenly comes...somebody comes up and somebody is really surprised. Er...you say one of the other big mistakes that woman make: they treat their husbands like a roommate. So what does that mean?

That's right. Well, you know, they comment the relationship. They want to keep all their parts over here and you divide up the bills and pay it, you know, you take it this way. And it's like their roommates not lifetime-mates. If you want to be that way then stay single. Right. But when you get married everything should be merged 6, so that you talked about your money. I mean it's unbelievable, people will be making say, the woman makes more than the man, she wants to control the money 'cause she makes more. Right. But together they make a whole lot of money. Sure. And you know, it's unbelievable, you know, for women we, we're told to be independent but when you get married, you cease to exist. It's us, it's our income, our money, our debts, our bills, everything.

Which leads us to the other big mistake you call it "a tit for tat-spending." What's that all about?

Well, you know, often times happens when income is not the same. And so someone will try to outspend each other because they, for example, say the husband makes more, well, he wants to have more allowance than the woman. So he may spend more.

So he gets wheels for the truck. (You're right) Whatever. And she wants to come and I'm gonna do, I'll do you one better.

That's right. That's right. My husband for example, plays golf. I, I, I'm cheap, you know this, I don't know how to spend any money. Golf is an expensive hobby. So when in some relationships the one will try to go out and spend a lot to match what he spends on golf. (Sure) My husband...he loves it 'cause he just gets to spend on the golf and I get to save all the money. No, you are kidding.

I knew what you are saying, though. But the other thing that some people do and you say this is really serious is they hide their purchases then.

That's right. That's right. Financial infidelity. Keeping separate purchases or, or cash and not letting you spouse know about it. Now lots of women when they get ready to get married, their mother will tell them to keep a secret account. My grandmather called it the home rack huzzy account. You know, in case he run out with a home rack huzzy, but that's not a good state. (That's not a good thing?) You should not have financial secrets in your marriage, (Yeah!) everything should be disclosed.

Michelle Singletary, always a pleasure to see you. Thank you so much. The title of new books is:

You Money And Your Man. How you and prince charming can spend well and live rich.