时间:2019-01-30 作者:英语课 分类:访谈录


英语课
This morning on The Doctors Are In, struggling marriages, young couples today has a 40 percent chance of getting divorced. When the going gets tough, why do so many people get going? Dr Gail Salts is a psychiatrist 1 and Today contributor, and Dr Drew Pinsky is a relationship expert and host of the radio show "loveline"

Hey, folks, good to have you back.

Good morning, thanks.

40 percent of people get divorced, but we know there are a lot other people living in marriages and they are struggling and they are thinking of themselves, is it worth saving this? Is the bottom line if you're even thinking that, then it's probably worth the effort?

I would say, yes, however there are few caveats 2: physical abuse, serious emotional abuse that means consistent social isolation 3 and constant criticism that's really toxic 4.

I sort of think of it as an unwillingness 6 to change and be part of the partner, There is toxic issue going on, there is sex abuse, or even, even sometimes psychiatric symptom (That's right) that people are unwilling 5 to get treatment for it. Not enough has made it the fact that that individual, if they are willing to change, and does get appropriate treatment, things can be worked out very well.

You talked about disdain 7, (yes) if there is disdain for one partner by the other, (yes) that marriage is too far down the track, isn't it?

You know what, generally speaking, my, my experience, my (you could be contempt though, if contempt is as good as the same as disdain) disdain and contempt are so toxic and so difficult to manage, even if you come into treatment, that’s been my experience, that usually you are kinda at the end of the road there.

And that can’t be, because there is something called irreconcilable 8 differences.

Those talk about this, (Yeah) a lot, you know, in a lot of states that's what people put down (sure) as a reason to get divorced. It’s, it's less severe than abuse, it's certainly less severe than infidelity, is it real, is it OK?

You know, I, I would tell you that basically you're never marrying your clone, of course, there are gonna be differences. Our expectations are reconciled? (nobody says irreconcilable differences), or isn't that a judgment 9 call, you could say, I think it's (but to me, again, that's an unwillingness to change again) yes. 'cause they are irreconcilable because neither person is willing to give a little bit, and the fact is when that marriage fails, people are just likely to go recreate the same exact relationship in the second marriage.

Ok, but, but irreconcilable differences, you, you are assuming these people haven't come up with these after two weeks ( right), they probably come up to them after these with 3 years, 4 years,8 years, so why isn't it legitimate 10.

It is legitimate.

It’s a legitimate feeling but you are weighing against other things, the benefits of staying married which are physical health, emotional health, (the children's health), the children's longevity 11..., their physical health, emotional, their ability to stand in a relationship longer.

What about the idea that life isn't a dress rehearsal 12, and you hear lot of people say, (yes) if you can’t find happiness in this relationship, (yes) find it somewhere else.

And that's what I would say to them that the likelihood that they would be happy in the next marriage is definitely no better. (Then this one and..) It has to be with the person, personal happiness and the ability to work on that unchanged.

That is a fact that we don’t take commitment that, we take it too lightly, It’s always wrong to take commitment lightly, but we make a, we make a solemn vow 13 in front of God and everybody, and we think well, you know, things are kind of going so well, if this isn’t working for me, I will try somewhere else. This has to be taken very, very seriously because of the mental and physical health issues for everyone involved.

And because people often blame their own unhappiness on the marriage, understandably so, they say, oh, it's must be about the marriage (right) and this person, when it’s often about something in themselves.

In some ways, the statistic 14, generated a vicious cycle (yep) because when people hear it that 40 percent of people or 45 percent of people get divorced, it immediately makes you think, well then it is not that big deal.

Good point
you know, it will become a social norm, (really) (Yes) a social norm, behaviors or thoughts really become something that we all participate in (because.. endurable ) (yes)

And you feel like you are in good companion and you feel like maybe I’m not doing something that is such a big deal, and you feel, PS there will be big pool of other people out there who feel the same way that you can get remarry too.

In the 45 seconds left, the idea that kids complicate 15 everything, and this question: is there such a thing as good divorce for kids? and if so, (yes) is a good divorce better than a bad marriage?

Healthy divorce is every bit as important as healthy marriage, maybe even more important. The ability to work together and, and by the way, it’s not just important for the kids it’s important for each individual person, so that they can move on.

Then the kids would say that they, sometimes the adult kids would look back and say they're relieved when their parents broke up, but those are usually situations of sex-abuse and extreme versus 16 (contempt then) contempt abuse, these sort of thing. Well, kids are actually relieved that things are breaking apart, but again, I cannot emphasize stronger enough, that going and getting treatment, often will relieve those things. Our kids will just as relieved by parents participating in something constructive 17. (and even individual treatment.)

Bottom line though is never OK to take the commitment too light, never. never.
Gail. Draw, good to see you both.


n.精神病专家;精神病医师
  • He went to a psychiatrist about his compulsive gambling.他去看精神科医生治疗不能自拔的赌瘾。
  • The psychiatrist corrected him gently.精神病医师彬彬有礼地纠正他。
警告
  • I would offer a caveat for those who want to join me in the dual calling. 为防止发生误解,我想对那些想要步我后尘的人提出警告。 来自辞典例句
  • As I have written before, that's quite a caveat. 正如我以前所写,那确实是个警告。 来自互联网
n.隔离,孤立,分解,分离
  • The millionaire lived in complete isolation from the outside world.这位富翁过着与世隔绝的生活。
  • He retired and lived in relative isolation.他退休后,生活比较孤寂。
adj.有毒的,因中毒引起的
  • The factory had accidentally released a quantity of toxic waste into the sea.这家工厂意外泄漏大量有毒废物到海中。
  • There is a risk that toxic chemicals might be blasted into the atmosphere.爆炸后有毒化学物质可能会进入大气层。
adj.不情愿的
  • The natives were unwilling to be bent by colonial power.土著居民不愿受殖民势力的摆布。
  • His tightfisted employer was unwilling to give him a raise.他那吝啬的雇主不肯给他加薪。
n. 不愿意,不情愿
  • Her unwillingness to answer questions undermined the strength of her position. 她不愿回答问题,这不利于她所处的形势。
  • His apparent unwillingness would disappear if we paid him enough. 如果我们付足了钱,他露出的那副不乐意的神情就会消失。
n.鄙视,轻视;v.轻视,鄙视,不屑
  • Some people disdain labour.有些人轻视劳动。
  • A great man should disdain flatterers.伟大的人物应鄙视献媚者。
adj.(指人)难和解的,势不两立的
  • These practices are irreconcilable with the law of the Church.这种做法与教规是相悖的。
  • These old concepts are irreconcilable with modern life.这些陈旧的观念与现代生活格格不入。
n.审判;判断力,识别力,看法,意见
  • The chairman flatters himself on his judgment of people.主席自认为他审视人比别人高明。
  • He's a man of excellent judgment.他眼力过人。
adj.合法的,合理的,合乎逻辑的;v.使合法
  • Sickness is a legitimate reason for asking for leave.生病是请假的一个正当的理由。
  • That's a perfectly legitimate fear.怀有这种恐惧完全在情理之中。
n.长命;长寿
  • Good habits promote longevity.良好的习惯能增长寿命。
  • Human longevity runs in families.人类的长寿具有家族遗传性。
n.排练,排演;练习
  • I want to play you a recording of the rehearsal.我想给你放一下彩排的录像。
  • You can sharpen your skills with rehearsal.排练可以让技巧更加纯熟。
n.誓(言),誓约;v.起誓,立誓
  • My parents are under a vow to go to church every Sunday.我父母许愿,每星期日都去做礼拜。
  • I am under a vow to drink no wine.我已立誓戒酒。
n.统计量;adj.统计的,统计学的
  • Official statistics show real wages declining by 24%.官方统计数字表明实际工资下降了24%。
  • There are no reliable statistics for the number of deaths in the battle.关于阵亡人数没有可靠的统计数字。
vt.使复杂化,使混乱,使难懂
  • There is no need to complicate matters.没有必要使问题复杂化。
  • These events will greatly complicate the situation.这些事件将使局势变得极其复杂。
prep.以…为对手,对;与…相比之下
  • The big match tonight is England versus Spain.今晚的大赛是英格兰对西班牙。
  • The most exciting game was Harvard versus Yale.最富紧张刺激的球赛是哈佛队对耶鲁队。
adj.建设的,建设性的
  • We welcome constructive criticism.我们乐意接受有建设性的批评。
  • He is beginning to deal with his anger in a constructive way.他开始用建设性的方法处理自己的怒气。
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variable mu
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watertight pitch
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weare
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yemeni monetary units