他为何是个负心汉?
Of Men's Health Magazine and he's written a new book called "Men, Love &Sex, the complete user's guide for women". And Robi Ludwig is a psychotherapist and the host of the TLC show "One Week to Save Your Marriage."
Good morning both of you guys.
Hey, good morning.
Good to see you, Al
Ok,so David in your research it says, basically shows men don't wanna cheat. So , why is it that almost up to 50% on the mark?
Well, guys, we know, a little hard on themselves, in our exclusive poll, what we found was 46% of guys consider it cheating if they have dinner with an attractive co-worker, and didn't tell their wives. So, the percentage of guys actually unzipping is like 28%. (unzipping)
So, so, they, they are included in a, in a way of emotional, what they, might consider emotional (exactly ). So, so Robi, what's, what are some of the reasons?
I think in part they're looking for intimacy 1 and to fill in an emotional void, and so, they do this by cheating . instead of looking into their relationship they wanna feel less bored , they wanna feel excited, they wanna feel young. So, they get pulled in this direction. And what happens is it never really works in the end, because you can't avoid those feelings through an affair.
So ,wh,wh...where do you draw the line? Where is the line drawing. I mean you, everybody flirts 2 to a certain extent, where does it make that jump?
Well, I think there can be healthy flirting 3, but we have to realize is that flirting , first and foremost, is a non-contact sport. A good rule of thumb is if you are doing anything that you don't want your partner to know you're doing.(Right.) Consider it cheating, (All right.)Well, the only time you should be out, sneaking 4 around your, your partner's back is if you're in a jewelry 5 store and it's Christmas time(absolutely, all for that ), or birthday, there you go.
So, so, then, where, where does this make that jump ,Robi ? Why, (Well.) why do you think this happens?
Especially for the men, if they feel emotionally connected to a woman, they can very, very easily move into sexual intimacy. If you are basically turning to a person outside of your relationship to share intimate details, then you are in dangerous territory of an affair happening.
And then, so, David, What about keeping the relationship intact?. What is, what is it that your survey shows that the men want?
Well, I think you should if you are trying to keep the relationship intact, you should do 3 things. No 1, you should avoid this sticky situations. Think something like alcohol hates monogamy. The other thing you should do is maybe change your perception of monogamy, monogamy is not a lack of other women, it's expertise 7 in one, and the third thing is really take a hard look at your life goals, and ask yourself, "ok, are we sharing similar values and a vision for the future?" If he wants to adopt children from Africa, and she wants to adopt Vince Vaughn, then it's very possible that you're going to look to hitch 8 a ride on the wagon 9. You know with someone else going in the different direction.
And, and when a couple finds themselves in this, this position , Robi,er, obviously, the man who cheats, is.... can't ,eh eh ,avoid responsibility. (Right.) But does the,the spouse 10 have to look at what's going on in their relationship that led to this?
Yes, I mean, of course, she always wanna take responsibility wherever you can't say, "is there anything I'm doing that's contributing, but you have to understand sometimes men cheat because it's in their nature. They just, it's just, it has nothing to do with their relationship. "
OK, hooold hold, hold it.....I think that's, that's biology. Will man just ,does that hold water?
Oh, no, I mean, now look I think we all wrestled 12 with the call of the wild. And at the end of the day, we're looking for reaffirmation that were sexy, were interesting, were attractive.
But is there any difference for women than for men?
No, but, but, I think what's really important to know is just because a person cheats doesn't mean it has anything to do with the relationship necessarily. Sometimes, it has to do more with the person's psyche 13, and what they are trying to wrestle 11 with, it might be their idea of manhood. Or just they feel that it's too hard to resist, you know, it feels good to be able to move in the direction where you are getting a lot of attention. Sometimes, it's very hard to say no.
Ok, for the, the,the spouse, who is being cheated on. What are the, what are some of signs to look for?
If , if all the sudden they are very into their appearance, they've lost a lot of weight, they're getting new clothes, they're spending a lot time in the mirror, that's something to be aware of. There is a change of behavior, they are being more guarded. Spending more time away, spending time on the telephone, guarded about finances, err 6. these all are, any time there is a broad change, and sometimes, if they are talking about another woman as a friend to throw you off, that might not be just a friend. (kinda of a smoke screen) Yeah, exactly.
So , can men and women be friends, I mean not have to worry about that making that jump?
I , I think men and women can be friends, and I think you can bounce back after you've cheated. If you look at what's occurred, you know, in the real way as an opportunity for repair and reckoning. You know( But both people have to wanna do it) in a crisis, couples can get stronger.
Both people have to wanna do it ,may have to be willing to move forward in a different kind of way. (and, and be willing to make that commitment ..)
Absolutely.
Alright. Robi Ludwig, and David Zinczenko, Zinczenko, Zinczenko I'm just gonna call you David Z from now on. (There you go) David Z (Ok,thanks a lot)
Thanks so much.
- His claims to an intimacy with the President are somewhat exaggerated.他声称自己与总统关系密切,这有点言过其实。
- I wish there were a rule book for intimacy.我希望能有个关于亲密的规则。
- She flirts with every man she meets. 她同她遇到的每个男人调情。 来自《简明英汉词典》
- She flirts with every handsome man she meets. 她和所遇到的每个美男子调情。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
- Don't take her too seriously; she's only flirting with you. 别把她太当真,她只不过是在和你调情罢了。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
- 'she's always flirting with that new fellow Tseng!" “她还同新来厂里那个姓曾的吊膀子! 来自子夜部分
- She had always had a sneaking affection for him. 以前她一直暗暗倾心于他。
- She ducked the interviewers by sneaking out the back door. 她从后门偷偷溜走,躲开采访者。
- The burglars walked off with all my jewelry.夜盗偷走了我的全部珠宝。
- Jewelry and lace are mostly feminine belongings.珠宝和花边多数是女性用品。
- He did not err by a hair's breadth in his calculation.他的计算结果一丝不差。
- The arrows err not from their aim.箭无虚发。
- We were amazed at his expertise on the ski slopes.他斜坡滑雪的技能使我们赞叹不已。
- You really have the technical expertise in a new breakthrough.让你真正在专业技术上有一个全新的突破。
- They had an eighty-mile journey and decided to hitch hike.他们要走80英里的路程,最后决定搭便车。
- All the candidates are able to answer the questions without any hitch.所有报考者都能对答如流。
- We have to fork the hay into the wagon.我们得把干草用叉子挑进马车里去。
- The muddy road bemired the wagon.马车陷入了泥泞的道路。
- Her spouse will come to see her on Sunday.她的丈夫星期天要来看她。
- What is the best way to keep your spouse happy in the marriage?在婚姻中保持配偶幸福的最好方法是什么?
- He taught his little brother how to wrestle.他教他小弟弟如何摔跤。
- We have to wrestle with difficulties.我们必须同困难作斗争。
- As a boy he had boxed and wrestled. 他小的时候又是打拳又是摔跤。
- Armed guards wrestled with the intruder. 武装警卫和闯入者扭打起来。 来自《简明英汉词典》