TED演讲 :生命中最惨痛的时刻如何造就我们(1)

 As a student of adversity, I've been struck over the years  我从逆境中学习：这些年来，我一次又一次

by how some people with major challenges  被人们如何从极大的挑战中
seem to draw strength from them, and I've heard the popular wisdom that that has to do with finding meaning.  得到力量而震撼，人们说，这和找寻生命的意义有关。
And for a long time, I thought the meaning was out there, some great truth waiting to be found.  很长一段时间，我以为生命的意义在某一处它是等待被发掘的真理。
But over time, I've come to feel  但随着时间的迁移，我渐渐感到
that the truth is irrelevant 1.  真理无关紧要
We call it finding meaning, but we might better call it forging meaning.  我们称它为找寻意义，但或许我们该更准确地称它铸造意义。
My last book was about how families manage to deal with various kinds of challenging  我上一本书讲的是家庭如何应对各种让人伤脑筋的，
or unusual offspring, and one of the mothers I interviewed, 或不寻常的儿女们，我访问了一位有两名
who had two children with multiple severe disabilities, said to me, "People always give us  患有多重残疾的孩童的母亲，她对我说：“人们总是给予我们
these little sayings like, 'God doesn't give you any more than you can handle,'  一些所谓的名言，例如‘上帝不会给你多过你能承载的’
but children like ours are not preordained as a gift.  但是像我家这样的孩子并不是天生就注定是份礼物。
They're a gift because that's what we have chosen."  他们是一份礼物，是因为我们选择如此。”
We make those choices all our lives.  我们一生中有很多这样的选择。
When I was in second grade, Bobby Finkel had a birthday party  我小学二年级的时候，鲍比开了个生日派对
and invited everyone in our class but me. 他邀请了班上的所有人，除了我 。
My mother assumed there had been some sort of error, and she called Mrs. Finkel,  我妈妈认为一定是出了什么差错，所以给鲍比的母亲打了电话，
who said that Bobby didn't like me and didn't want me at his party.  鲍比的母亲说，鲍比不喜欢我，不想让我参加他的派对。
And that day, my mom took me to the zoo and out for a hot fudge sundae.  那天，我妈妈带我去了动物园并去吃了焦糖冰激凌。
When I was in seventh grade, one of the kids on my school bus  我在7年级（初中一年级）时，我乘坐的校车上有个孩子
nicknamed me "Percy"  叫我：‘波西’ （发音似女式手提包）
as a shorthand for my demeanor 2, and sometimes, he and his cohort  取笑我的言行举止，有时，他和他的伙伴
would chant that provocation 3 the entire school bus ride, 45 minutes up, 45 minutes back,  会在整个校车的路途上不停的吆喝着这个挑衅，去学校的45分钟，回家的45分钟，
"Percy! Percy! Percy! Percy!"  ‘波西！波西！波西！波西！’
When I was in eighth grade, our science teacher told us that all male homosexuals  当我8年级（初中二年级）的时候，我们的科学老师告诉我们，所有的男性同性恋者
develop fecal incontinence because of the trauma 4 to their anal sphincter.  都会大便失禁因为他们的肛门肌肉受到创伤。
And I graduated high school 我直到高中毕业，
without ever going to the cafeteria, where I would have sat with the girls  我都从没去过学校的食堂，在那儿我如果和女生坐在一起，
and been laughed at for doing so, or sat with the boys and been laughed at for being a boy  那么我会被笑话，或者如果我和男生坐在一起那么我会被笑话为一个
who should be sitting with the girls.  本应该跟女生坐在一起的男生。
I survived that childhood through a mix of avoidance and endurance.  我用了忍耐加上逃避，才熬过了我的童年。
What I didn't know then, and do know now, is that avoidance and endurance can be the entryway to forging meaning. 我当时不知道，但我现在明白了：逃避和忍耐是铸造意义的入口通道。
After you've forged meaning, you need to incorporate that meaning into a new identity.  铸造了意义以后 你必须把这个意义融入 一个新的身份。
You need to take the traumas 5 and make them part of who you've come to be. 你需要把创伤变成 你自身的一部分，