GRE作文评改：提炼文章闪光点

　　Syllabus 1：

　　1.bring out the question-reality:2 facets 2

　　2.analysis

　　for: individual difference education purpose-bring out the best of everybody,and cite analogy of vegetable and disease methodology against:practical

　　3.solution really realize the specifical design. depend on the real condition

　　正文：

　　In the modern world, more and more people have access to education. Consequently, it is increasingly difficult to provide specifically designed education for each student. But, one thing remains 3 true that only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student will education be truly effective.

　　People are born so different from each other that even two persons raised in the same environment are not likely to have exactly the same talents, dispositions 4 and thus interests. Some are quiet in nature, and prefer reading books and doing researches; others are enthusiasm(这里用错了，呵呵，，应该是enthusiastic) in sports. First, there are physiological 5 reasons for such phenomena 6 as that. To put it most simple and general, a human brain has two parts, right and left, dealing 7 with different kinds of problems by different way of thinking, and different people may be prone 8 to develop different parts, and still different parts within either right or left part of brain. So people choose their interests partly according to the way of thinking of their brains. Second, what people learn before their school education have a significant effect on their future choice

　　(其实我觉得这里只要强调每个人境遇不同就可以。说学前阶段境域不同，稍微有点扯远了，反而有点让人迷惑。呵呵).

　　What they see, hear and read, such as parents’behavior, other people around them will influence their interests as well as the inbred factors. Those and many other things can serve as the main reasons for the individual differences.

　　Seeing the diversity of people, how will education be more effective if it want(这里忘记加s) to bring out the best of as many as possible people?(as many as放到the best前面好了。现在这样有点怪啊) What about the scene described in J.B.Priestley's "thoughts in the wilderness"(and as I paraphrase 9 it):"a nightmare vision of a future world in which there are millions of people, all numbered and registered, without a gleam of genius anywhere, not an original mind, a rich personality on the whole packed globe."

　　The answer is clear. Cactus 10 will thrive in scorching 11 places, while reed needs plenty of water. Just like the various conditions that different kinds of plants require to grow well, education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each students.

　　So the specifically designed education is called for. Someone will(用may更好些) argue that we already have the highly specified 12 disciplines in each of (少the fields，这里不能直接连which的)which we are producing many experts in certain fields. But we have to ask: does each student in his major feel that his major is the very subject just he desires? The fact is not so optimistic. As a (应是an，粗心了)educationalist point it out, one of the main reasons of college pressure is(少that,这里不可省略) students are studying what they are not willing to study. Carrying out specifically designed education still has a long way to go.

　　Until then, education will effectively realize its purpose of bringing out the best of everyone.

　　写的很不错！很流畅，语法错误也少，意思表达得很明白，也有闪光的idea。我看可以打5分。

　　几个建议：你第一段就摆明观点，这样很好。但是最好在你的观点之后再加一句“as the purpose of education is to bring out the best of everyone”(当然，这句话出现了不只一次，你可以换几个词，要避免重复)。为什么呢？因为对于教育的目的理论界有不同的看法，你的观点可以认为是其中一种，是比较humane的，侧重人文理想在现实中的实践。而还有别的目的，比如为机器化生产和日益分工细化的社会提供能够娴熟操作的工人和高级职员，为政府提供可以按程序管理社会的文员和官员。对这样的目的来说，specifically designed education就不见得是一件好事，而且成本实在太高。对教师的要求也太高了。等等。所以，为了让你后面的行文有依据，最好一开头就定义你的教育目的。

　　另外，你论述的论点似乎还少了点。尤其到后面，有点匆匆结尾的感觉。其实你还可以说，社会分工细化，一个年轻人在工作之前，也不可能学完所有的知识和技能。反倒是specifically designed education可以让他们更专注于自己想学的东西，这是顺应分工细化的潮流的。

　　还有，不论是文学、艺术、建筑等领域，在任何一个学术领域，都越来越要求originality。这是靠“大规模生产式”的教育所不能够产生的。惟有通过因材施教，才能让年轻人有足够的时间和精力来潜心研究自己的所爱，从而达到创新。