英语搞笑短剧剧本

 　　焦仲卿johnny(jforshort)

　　刘兰芝lunch(lforshort)
　　焦母johnny’s mother(jmforshort)
　　刘母lunch’s mother(lmforshort)
　　太守之子mayor’sson(msforshort)
　　强盗burglars(abandc)
　　prologue 1 序幕
　　(j作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,j被打中,狼狈不堪)j:everybody says that i’m hen pecked 2, but in fact,i’m a strong tiger,(小声)while mywife is wusong.
　　译：人人都说我怕老婆，实际上我是老虎，（小声）我妻子是武松。
　　(指着上台处的门大声道)i’m not afraid of you!
　　译：我才不怕你呢！
　　(内砸出一脸盆,j接住当成盾牌护着头)then, i’m afraid of whom! my wife lunchi is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood.she is braver than me,smarter than me and stronger than me .all this i donot care. i only want she to be tender 3 than me. but she is not! having a wife like this is just like living in the hell 4!
　　译：谁怕谁啊！在邻里中，我妻子是最有名气的。她比我勇敢、比我聪明、比我强壮。我也不在乎这些。我只觉得她该对我温柔些，但是她却不懂温柔！有这样的太太就像活在地狱中啊！
　　(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中j)
　　my god! who can help me?(下)
　　译：我的天！谁来救救我啊？
　　act1 第一幕
　　(序幕结束时,jm作窃听状)
　　jm(拄拐棍上):i can!
　　(对门内)lunch! lunch! where are you?
　　l(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):i’m here! what’s up ，mum?
　　jm:i have told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful graceful 5 and dearest mother in law”.
　　l:ok.my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law, what’s up?
　　jm:since you married my son you have be havedso badly.you have been so rude, so brusque,solazy……
　　l:but……
　　jm:never interrupt me!
　　l:never interrupt me! since i married your son, that terrible johnny,i have been working hard alldaylong,cooking and washing. i have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chickenand……
　　jm:but all those you have done arenot asvaluable as a grandson!
　　l(生气地挥动着锅铲):oh,you want a grandson,don’t you?(开始解围裙)go and ask your son. i’m leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在jm的脸上,下)act2
　　(lm坐在台上打毛线,l拿着锅铲上)
　　l:mum, i’m back!
　　lm:you are back?why?what happened?
　　l:i was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.
　　lm(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):see! i have already told you! when you insisted onmarrying that terrible johnny, i told you that he is ugly tupid and poor, but you did not listento me. look at yourself……
　　l:but,mum……
　　lm:never interrupt me!
　　l:mum,i’m not interrupting you. i just want to tell you that you are always right ok? andi’ll marry whomever you want me to.
　　lm(大喜):nice girl! just now, i met the mayor’s son in the market.he said:“if your daughterhaven’t been married,i really really want to marry her!”now you are free again, i ’ll goand tell him.(下)
　　l(惊愕):what? the mayor’s son?the most famous playboy in the neighbor-hood? (手中的锅铲掉在地上)what a silly thing i have done!(下)act3
　　(j睡眼惺忪上)
　　j(边走边道):lunch! lunch! where are mysocks?
　　(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)here they are!(闻一下) er! how smelly! they are still dirty!
　　(突然想起)lunch has gone! i have to wash them myself.
　　(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)oh,i’m so hungry! but there’s no breakfast!(捡起地上的围裙)this is what lunch always wears! i miss her so much, and her excellent cooking skill! nowshe has gone.i have to cook for my mother and myself.
　　jm(上):where’s my breakfast? where’slunch?hasn’t she got up yet?
　　j:mum, can’t you remember?lunch has gone!
　　jm(沉吟片刻):well, to tell you the truth johnny, a son without a wife is suseless. lunch is an icegirl,go and take her back!
　　j(立正敬礼):yes madam!
　　act4
　　(j开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)
　　a:hey you!stop and listen to us!
　　the road is built by me!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)b:and i planted one tree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)c:if you want to go by this street---(欲踩石头，但踩到了a的脚)ab&c:give us all your money!
　　j(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):is 1mao enough?
　　(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)
　　a:what bad luck! this guy is broken!
　　b:if we cannot robany money today,we will havenot thing to eat tonight!
　　c:i heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry miss liulanzhi next month.we can go androb the wedding!
　　a&b:good idea!
　　j(惊讶):what? what? lunch is going to get married? it’s impossible!
　　ab&c:why? a pretty girl and a richman,what a good couple!
　　j:but lunch is my wife! we haven’t got divorced 6 yet!
　　(突然有了主意)i’ve got an idea!you are going to rob the wedding, don’tyou? i’ll gowith you. you take the money and i take the bride.
　　b:have you got any experience?
　　j:no. but i’ve got this!(j脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000)act5
　　(转眼已到了婚礼之期．ms意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，j盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)(j和三强盗跃至台中)
　　abc&j:hey you! stop and listen to us!
　　a:the road is built by me!
　　b:and i planted one tree.
　　c:if you want to go by this street---
　　j:give us all your money!
　　(l听到j的声音，掀起了盖头)
　　l(惊喜万分):johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到j的身边并躲到了的身后)(ms大怒，挥拳向j打来．j矮身一躲，ms打中了j身后的l，l晕倒)j(火冒三丈):how dare you beat my wife!（挥拳向ms冲去）(j与ms混战，jm上，以拐杖击晕ms)
　　(j将ms胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)
　　j(扶起l，关切地问):honey, how are you?
　　l(哭状):i hurt a lot!
　　j:don’t cry baby.i’ll go and fetch the medicine. (下)l(起身去追):wait for me! (跑下)