六人行FriendsMP3 9-19

Ross: Nice, put it with the others.

Chandler: And I also got... two more apples.

Ross: We are four short of a bush-o (pause) . God I feel so alive, I love being in the country!

Chandler: I also got this great salt and pepper shaker from the restaurant.

Ross: Oh, that's not cool.

Chandlers: Dude, none of this is cool.

Ross: No, Chandler, you have to find the line between stealing and taking what the hotel owes you. For example: hair drier, no, no, no, but shampoo and conditioners, yes, yes, yes. (pause) Now, the salt shaker is off-limits, but the salt (he opens the salt shaker and pours the salt into his hand) I wish I'd thought this through.

Chandler: I think I know what you mean though... the lamp is the hotel's, but the bulbs (goes to take the bulb) ... oh, you already got that.

Ross: Not my first time in a hotel, my friend.

Chandler: Ok, how about this (picks up the remote control) ?

Ross: No, no, no, you can't take the remote control!

Chandler: Yes, but the batteries...

(Ross claps his hands)

Chandler: Thank you, thank you very much!

Ross: Let's celebrate with some maple candy!

Chandler: No!

Ross: At least tell me where you hid it.

[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Rachel are sitting on the sofa]

Rachel: Can I ask you a question?

Monica: Yeah.

Rachel: Have you ever had any weird romantic dreams?

Monica: Let me think. Oh, when I was younger I used to dream that I got married to Mayor McCheese, and on our wedding night I ate his head.

Rachel: Ok, well this is like that... in no way. I had a... I had a dream last night that I wanted to kiss Joey.

Monica: Wow, do you mean like kiss him-kiss him?

Rachel: Oh yeah! I mean, that was pretty intense.

Monica: What do you think brought than on?

Rachel: I don't know! I mean, maybe that's something to do with the fact that I saw him do a love scene yesterday.

Monica: A love scene? With who?

Rachel: Olivia.

Monica: Olivia? I thought she was marrying Connor! (pause) Oh right, real life more important.

Rachel: So do you think that my dream means anything?

Monica: I don't know. I mean, you saw him do a love scene, so maybe you don't have a thing for Joey, maybe you have a thing for Drake.

Rachel: Ah! Well it was Joey reading Drake's lines in the dream...

Monica: Of course it was! Trust me, when it comes to psychology 20 I know what I'm talking about. I took two psych classes in college.

Rachel: You took the same class twice.

Monica: It was hard!

(Phoebe comes in)

Phoebe: Hey!

Rachel and Monica: Hi.

Phoebe: Here, Monica, look what I got to wear when I play at the restaurant (she dons a top hat) uh, huh wait! (she raises a pair of spectacles to her eyes) Right? I mean, this might even class up the ballad 21 of the uncircumcised man.

Monica: Oh... Phoebe? Maybe I wasn't clear before. I really love listening to your music here, but my restaurant is sort of an upscale place.

Phoebe: Right, yeah, ok, I'll ask the butler to fetch my diamonds out of the vault 22.

Monica: Phoebe, it's not what you wear. It's sort of your songs... I just don't think you should play at the restaurant anymore.

Phoebe: Oh, ok. Fine, I'll just, I'll take the hat back (she puts the hat in a bag and she crushes it angrily on the floor with her foot) .

(silence)

Rachel: Hey, so you guys, the funniest thing happened, at work...

Phoebe: My songs aren't good enough for your restaurant?

Rachel: Ok, we're still on that.

Monica: I didn't say your songs were not good enough.

Phoebe: Then what's wrong with them? Would they not go with your tiny portions of pretentious 23 food?

Monica: Tiny portions?

Phoebe: Yeah well, "excuse me, I ordered the smoked salmon 24 appetizer 25, but (peering through her spectacles) I can't see it, I can't see it"!

Monica: Phoebe, it's not about quantity.

Phoebe: Well... it's not about quality.

Monica: Oh really, you want to talk about quality? Have you heard of a key? It's what some people sing in.

Phoebe: Well at least all my songs don't taste like garlic. Yeah, there are other ingredients Monica.

Monica: Ok, so that's what we're doing. You know, when I'm in the coffee house bopping along to one of your songs, I'm wearing ear plugs.

Phoebe: Ear plugs, or cloves 26 of garlic?

Monica: You know what? I take back what I said before. You keep playing at the restaurant, because with your music driving people inside, my bar sales are going up like crazy.

Phoebe: What are people having, the garlic Martini?

[Scene: Hotel's reception]

Receptionist: Here's your copy of the bill, we hope you enjoyed your stay.

Chandler: Oh we did, and you still have all your lamps.

(the receptions is puzzled. She goes in the back. )

Chandler: Oh, I didn't factor in the room tax.

Ross: Oh dude, don't worry about it, I found an unattended maid's car. We're way ahead of the game.

(they make as if to go, but Ross notices something)

Ross: Oh my god.

Chandler: What?

Ross: There's something new in the bowl.

Chandler: Look, we have enough, just walk away.

Ross: No, but I want... I want the pinecones!

Chandler: There's a forest right outside.

Ross: It's not the same.

Chandler: Ok, go quick!

(Ross starts stuffing pinecones in the suitcase. As the receptionist walks in, Chandler makes a bird's verse and Ross stops)

Ross: (to the receptionist) Thank you for a delightful 27 stay.

(he picks up the suitcase, which falls open, revealing all the stuff they have taken from the hotel. The receptionist just looks at them. )

Ross: Oh, my maple candy!

[Scene: In front of Monica's restaurant. Phoebe is playing]

Phoebe: (singing) Food here at 'Javu'.. will kill you.. the food here at 'Javu' ... will kill you..

(Monica comes out)

Monica: Thank god, it's just you! I thought someone was swinging a bag of cats against the wall.

Phoebe: You'd better get back in that kitchen Monica, the garlic is not gonna overuse itself.

Monica: Ok, you have to stop playing now.

Phoebe: Why? The only person my playing is bothering is you!

Monica: Oh yeah? Ok, let's settle this, come on!

Phoebe: (while Monica drags her in the restaurant) Get your garlic-peelers off me!

Monica: (to the restuarant customers) Excuse me, excuse me, hi, I'm Monica Geller.. I'm the head chef here.. (pauses as if waiting for something) .. Ok, I was actually expecting a little applause there, but whatever! Ok, quick question: by a show of hands, how many of you were bothered by this woman's singing outside? (a few people raise their hands)

Phoebe: Ok, ok, how many of you enjoyed the music outside? (a few people raise their hands) Ha!

Monica: Alright, let me ask you this question: How many of you thought the music was fine, but not in keeping with the tone of the restaurant? (a few raise their hands again) .

Phoebe: Ok, well, who identified the tone of this restaurant as pretentious comma garlicky?

Monica: Ok who thinks the food is delicious and a little pretention never hurt anyone? (a few raise their hands)

Phoebe: Ok, well, alright, who thinks the food is fine, the music was fine, but your evening was ruined by this incessant 28 poll taking? (all raise their hands) .

Monica: Excuse us! (then to Phoebe) Alright here's a question: Who was so worried about her restaurant being fancy that she made a big deal about her friend playing her music and feels really bad about it now? (raises her hand)

Phoebe: Oh... Who was so stupid and stubborn that she lashed 29 out against her friend's cooking which she actually thinks is pretty great! (raises her hand)

Monica: I'm sorry...

Phoebe: I'm sorry too... (they hug)

Monica: ooohh... hey! Wanna stick around and I'll whip you up some dinner?

Phoebe: Yeah! As long as it's free! Food here is ridiculously over-p...

(Monica seems to take it amiss)

Phoebe: (smiling, raising her hand) Who's hoping the hand raising thing is still cute enough that you won't hate me?

[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Rachel walks in]

Rachel: Hey!

Joey: Hey!

Rachel: Joey, do you have peanut butter on the back of your head?

Joey: (Touches the back of his head and licks his fingers) Oh man! I thought I got it all!

Rachel: (looks puzzled) How... how... ?

Joey: I was making a peanut butter smoothy, right?

Rachel: uh-huh

Joey: And I couldn't find this little plastic thing (holds up plastic thing) that goes on top of the blender... and I thought... well... how important can that be, right... ? Turns out very!

Rachel: (to herself) Wow... definitely just Drake...

Joey: What?

Rachel: What... how is it going with Drake?

Joey: Oh... I don't think it's going very well...

Rachel: What... that scene I saw was so good!

Joey: Well, I'm feeling really insecure about the one we are shooting tomorrow...

Rachel: Joey, is this that thing that you do when you say you're bad so I'll give you a compliment?

Joey: A little. Yeah no, I really am worried, you know, I mean I have to make it convincing that I'm in love with Olivia.

Rachel: So?

Joey: So... I've never played that!

Rachel: Ooh! Honey, it can't be that hard, I mean, you've been in love before?

Joey: Uh... well... just once... with you...

Rachel: Ok... this could be a little awkward... I'm just going to blow past it... well can't you just use that method actor thing where you use your real life memories to help you in your performance?

Joey: (looks at her for a moment) What the hell are you talking about? ?

Rachel: (shakes her head) Alright, alright look, just uh... just try to remember how you felt when you were in love, and think about that when you're playing the scene.

Joey: (approvingly) Oh! ok, yeah, I think I can do that. Yeah ok, there's this party scene coming up.. and Olivia and her husband are there and all Drake wants to do is grab her and kiss her, but he can't... And that makes me think about all those times when I wanted to grab you and kiss you, but you didn't know so I would just pretend everything was cool, but really, it was killing 30 me.

Rachel: (looks touched) Joey, you never.. you never talked about that before...

Joey: Well.. hey, you know what else I could use? There's a scene where Drake sneaks 31 into

Olivia's bedroom, and she doesn't know he's there - which never happened with us! And he knows he shouldn't be there, but he just wants to look at her... you know? (In a romantic voice) And I remember all those mornings before you even put on your make-up, when I would think to myself, my God, she... is... beautiful... (Rachel looks very moved) and it hurts so much, cuz I knew I could never tell you (pauses, while looking at her with sentiment) but it was worth it just to be there looking at you.

(Joey and Rachel continue to look at each other in silence for a while)

Joey: (excited) Thanks dude!!! This is GREAT!!! (leaves Rachel very touched on the couch and goes into his room)

Closing credits

[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartement, Monica is at the kitchen table writing something and Chandler enters kitchen area]

Chandler: I got you something from Vermont! (Sits down at the table)

Monica: (without looking up from what she's doing) Besides tampons and salt? (Then looks) Ooh! My God! Maple candy! That's so sweet of you. (Opens the box) That's weird... it's empty!

(Then Ross enters)

Ross: (sounds excited) Hi you guys! what's going on, you... you guys wanna hang out... or... ? (Looks around the room nervously) do you... do you guys hear a buzzing?

The End