艾伦脱口秀19 蜗牛和妻子

 　　Oh,I have a little story that I wanna tell you today.

　　今天跟大家讲个小故事
　　It's excitng and then it gets scaryand then there is a twist,but at the end,there is a message.
　　又刺激又恐怖 还有个意想不到的结局 我是为了传达一个信息给大家
　　And I don't want to give too much away,but at the very end,there is a dance.
　　我不想提前透露太多 最后的最后 还有我们的每期一舞
　　Alright,I know.I've given too much away already,alright.So the other day i was leaving for work,
　　好了 我好像已经透露太多了 有天我正准备去上班
　　and I was walking to my car,and it was raining a little bie.And it was...it was like a mist 1.
　　我走去取车 下着小雨 雾蒙蒙的
　　like a drizzle,like a...a mizzle.And I was rushing to my car,trying to hold my umbrella.
　　毛毛雨 好吧 蒙蒙雨 我就飞奔去我的车 一边跑一边要把伞拿稳
　　It was under my chin,while I was trying to get my keys out,'cause I didn't wanna get my hair wet,
　　我把伞夹在下巴下 手在拿车钥匙 因为我不想把头发打湿
　　'cause if this gets wet,I can't return it.and...so I was hungry and i was annoyed.
　　要知道湿了 可是很难还原的 当时又饿 又烦躁
　　because whenever it rains in LA, there is traffic,no one knows how to drive.
　　因为在洛杉矶一下雨就堵车 所有人都好像不会开车了
　　I mean there could be a teardrop in the road,
　　即使是泪滴在马路上
　　and everything comes to a standstill anyway,so I was aobut to take another step,
　　大家也因此一动不动 总之 当时我正准备向前走
　　and all of a sudden, I looked down and guess what I saw.
　　当时 我往下一看 你们猜我看到了什么
　　Guess,nope.Guess,nope.Wrong,nope,nope.
　　猜猜 不是 猜猜 不是 错了 不是不是
　　It was a snail 2 so I looked down,Anyone? No ,snail.
　　是只蜗牛 我往下一看 有人猜对没 是蜗牛
　　Anyway,so it was like an inch away from me.
　　当时这只蜗牛离我大概一英尺的样子
　　I almost stepped on that snail.And that's the scary part.
　　我差点踩到它了 这就是我之前说的恐怖的地方
　　And then literally,it stopped me in my tracks.There I was a Hollywood glamour 3 queen in a big rush to get home.
　　真的 它就挡在路中间 一个好莱坞万人迷皇后匆匆要回家
　　And there's a creature just trying to cross the parking lot.
　　一个生物也在努力穿越停车场
　　And it was going like,you know,at a ...snail's pace,and yes,which i totally get now.
　　当然 是以它的蜗牛速度 我现在终于明白蜗牛有多慢了
　　And as silly as it sounds,It was the perfect reminder 4 that we all need to slow down.
　　尽管听起来很慢 这只蜗牛是在提醒我们生活需要减速
　　It was a slimy disgusting reminder.
　　尽管是提醒滑滑的看起来有点恶心
　　But still,we are always in a rush,going from home to work and work to dinner and dinner to disco tax.
　　但 我们确实 一直都是匆匆忙忙的 从家里 到办公室 从办公室到餐桌 从餐厅到夜店 一个不少
　　And me,being in a rush,almost ended this poor snail's life.
　　而我这个匆匆忙忙的人 差点就踩死了这只可怜的蜗牛
　　I mean,he was probably trying to get home to his snail family.
　　搞不好她也是在回家的路上
　　And his snail kids are waiting at the door,when is daddy coming home?
　　蜗牛宝宝都在等他 爸爸什么时候回来
　　When is daddy coming home?
　　爸爸什么时候回来
　　And the snail wife is probably in the kitchen,making some type of risotto,which to me is very bland 5.
　　而蜗牛太太可能在厨房忙 准备意大利烩饭 瑞然我觉得那很没味
　　But that's what she wants to make.Let her make it.
　　但“她”很喜欢 让“她”去把
　　Anyway,every night she is trying to make something special.
　　总之 她费尽心思想让每个夜晚都特别一点
　　And at this point ,she wonders why,'cause by the time everybody sits down to eat.
　　但是 她难过的是 当大家坐下里吃饭的时候
　　Half the family is texting on their shell phones.Anyway,back to the story.
　　大多拿着“壳”机发短信 好了 继续讲故事
　　Here comes the twist.So there I was in the parking lot.
　　意想不到的结局来了 当时我站在停车场
　　Looking down at the snail.He was scared,he was tucked 6 into his shell,try to protect himself.
　　低头看着蜗牛 它好害怕 整个身子都缩进壳里 试图保护自己
　　So I bent 7 down slowly to pick him upand to move him to safety.
　　所以我就弯腰把它捡起来 把它放在安全的地方去
　　And that's when i realized it was a rock.That's the twist.
　　然后我就发现 其实他是块石头 大家都想不到
　　But to focus on that would be getting away from the point,
　　费了那么多心思 其实是想告诉大家
　　the point is we need to slow down.We need to see what we are doing affects everything around us.
　　我们的生活需要减速 需要关注我们所做的事情对周围的影响
　　We need to pay attention to all the beauty in the world,Whether it's a snail or a rock.
　　去发现世界更多的美好 不管是只蜗牛还是石头
　　And this now is the part where I dance.
　　然后现在就到跳舞时间了