美国有线新闻 CNN 2013-07-05

 Time now for "The Ridiculist" andtonight we're adding anyone, anyone out there who may doubt that Cher is awesome 1. That’s right, America, hold on your wigs 2. I am launching a preemptivestrike against any of you Cher skeptics because she's awesome not just because she's a global icon 3 and transcends 4 generations, not just because she is backedwith a new single, oh no, she's awesome because she puts up with me and my borderline creepy behavior. You see, I actually know Cher not in a singing aduet of I Got You Babe in our Jacuzzi kind of way, but I do kind of know her.And a few nights ago Cher was on my friend Nandi Cohen’s Bravo show. Watch what happens live and, well, what can I say, you try keeping a 46-year-old gay manaway from Cher.

 
 
 
I'm assuming that you had. Oh my god it's our doorbell. Come in! Oh my god,it's Anderson Cooper, everybody. Andi Coo, oh, my god!
 
 
 
I literally 5 rushed down here. I got off the air at like 11:00 and I jumped in acar as like I, I have to see Cher.
 
 
 
That’s how awesome Cher is. I show up unannounced, dressed more for a KattyLang concert in a Sharon counter blathering like the over-eager fan that I amand she was totally cool with it. So what did I do? Did I calm down and sitthere quietly like a normal person, who would bask 6 in her legendary 7 sparkle?No.
 
 
 
You watched C-Span a lot and used to call in to C-Span. And like, there would,C-Span would get a co-anchor be on the air and there would be a voice on theother phone saying like, there will be like, Ok, we're taking calls and if youlike, I'm calling from Malibu. And that be, and that be like, Is this Cher?No.I'm like, Yes!
 
 
 
Yeah, I did my Cher impression in front of Cher. Seriously, I do not know whatis wrong with me, but I will say in my own defense 8, who else would have thenerve to do that? So will not another Cher super fan here in CNN of her showremain nameless - Wolf Blitzer.
 
 
 
So yes, let it be known I Anderson Cooper will not guide Americans through thestories of my time with my still-late Duwise. I'm a part time Cherimpersonator(模拟者) available for birthdays. Oh, man! Man! Nobody told me there wouldbe a graphic 9. Let’s just take that down, please, that. No, no, not it’s, oh,man.
 
 
 
But back to Bravo the other night, even my terrible Cher impression didn't turnCher against me. She didn't channel her Oscar-winning role in Moon Struck andslap me across the face; nor did she snap me with her thong 10 from the turn backtime video, but unfortunately, that wasn't my only bizarre moment.
 
 
 
My mom always wanted to have a girl. She wished it, she had four boys. And soshe always called you her fantasy daughter. So I literally, and when I wasreally young, I grew up thinking like, Am I related to Cher? I don’t quite, IsCher my sister?
 
 
 
At that point, Cher's security started like talking to their hands and likemotion toward me. I think she thought I was going to insist she come live withme and let me braid her hair, which Cher, if you are watching, I totally woulddo.
 
 
 
So all you doubters out there, all you Gipsy’s transcensies, take note, pleaseGod, don't show that graphic again, it's not just her talent, it's not herphilanthropy, which she actually does a lot in very quiet ways, it's the fact that Cher puts up with me, Anderson Cooper, creepy fan girl. And that's whatmakes her so awesome and that's what puts you on the "Ridiculist," if you're a doubter.