伦敦奥运会外国游客生存指南

 　　The 8,000 volunteers who will welcome international visitors to London 2012 have been issued with a 66-page instruction manual, covering everything from foreign etiquette 1 to uniform care and advice on dealing 2 with journalists. But what of the visitors themselves? Could they not do with a manual outlining the customs, manners and practicalities of the islands they are visiting? We hereby present a simple guide to UK etiquette for the 2012 Olympics.

　　负责2012伦敦奥运会国际游客接待的8000名志愿者，收到了一份长达66页的指南手册，里面包含了大小事项，从国外礼节到着装细节再到如何和记者打交道。可是外国游客们的指南在那里呢？没有指南手册告诉他们即将游览的英伦三岛的习俗、礼仪和其他事项，他们能行吗？为了2012伦敦奥运会，我们下面就来简单介绍一下外国游客在奥运会期间的伦敦生存指南。
　　Welcome, and before we begin – please accept our apologies. Your four-hour nightmare wait at passport control should not be taken as a symptom of Britain's contempt for foreigners. It is merely a symptom of a woeful lack of spending on a key aspect of travel infrastructure 3 in the run-up to a hugely important event. In other words, it's the government that hates you. Don't worry, they hate us too.
　　欢迎来到英国，不过在我开始介绍之前请先接受我们的道歉。你们在入境检查时等了4个小时的噩梦本不应该是英国轻视外国人的象征。这只反映了英国在一项如此重要的赛事来临时对旅游基础建设的投入严重不足。换句话说，是英国政府怠慢了你们。别不开心，政府对我们也不咋地。
　　Canadians: I'm afraid that while you are here you will be repeatedly mistaken for Americans and blamed for all sorts of stuff you had nothing to do with. Unless you can think of a quick and simple way to distinguish yourselves at a glance – flower in lapel? Saddle shoes? Maple 4 leaf eyepatch? – then you are just going to have to suck it up.
　　加拿大人：到了英国，你们恐怕会一次又一次地被人误认为是美国人，还会因为那些和你们毫无关联的事情而备受指责。除非你能想出一种简便快速的办法，让人一眼就能看出你是加拿大人（在衣领上夹一朵花？穿马鞍鞋？戴枫叶图案的眼罩？）要不然你也就只能慢慢习惯，不再抱怨了。
　　Americans: While you're here, why not pretend to be Canadian? Very few Britons can tell the difference, and it will allow you to rescue yourself from awkward conversations about the death penalty.
　　美国人：对于你们来说，干脆装成是加拿大人好了。英国人很难判断你们之间的区别，这样你们就可以避免卷入到关于死刑的尴尬谈话中了。
　　1. Under no circumstances should you ask your taxi driver how excited he is about having the Olympics in London this summer. It's not that he will be reluctant or embarrassed to offer a personal opinion on the matter. That is not the problem at all.
　　无论在什么情况下都不要问出租车司机，对于今年夏天伦敦的奥运会有多么激动。不是说他会勉强或尴尬地发表个人意见，而是你根本就不该问这个问题。
　　2. Nobody here can answer any questions you have about fencing. Google it.
　　这里没有人能够回答你问的任何关于击剑的问题。还是去google一下吧。
　　3. Pay no attention to those bow-tied etiquette experts you sometimes see on CNN International, telling you how to behave while in Britain. These people are generally of dubious 5 provenance 6, normally live in California and tend to peddle 7 advice that is either irrelevant 8 or out of date. For example, they will often say that Britons love queuing and are so fond of apologising that they will often say "sorry" even when something isn't their fault. In reality, Britons are just as likely to jump to the front of a queue and then punch the person behind them for coughing. It all depends on how muggy 9 it is.
　　别理会那些出现在CNN国际频道里、告诉你英国行为规范的打领结的专家。这些家伙通常来历不明，自己住在美国加州，却试图提供一些要么不相干要么过时了的建议。比如说，他们通常会告诉你，英国人喜欢排队；喜欢说对不起，即使有时候并不是他们的错误。而事实上，英国人也喜欢插队，而且还会用咳嗽把排在他们后面的人也吓跑。这取决于天气有多闷热潮湿。
　　4. British people may seem to apologise a lot, but it doesn't quite mean the same thing here. In the UK, "I'm sorry" actually means either a) I didn't hear you; b) I didn't understand you; or c) I both heard and understood you, and I think you're an idiot.
　　英国人似乎总是喜欢道歉，但道歉的意义并不相同。在英国，“对不起”实际可能表示这几种意思：（1）我没听清你说什么；（2）我没明白你的意思；（3）我听到了你说的，也明白你的意思，可我觉得你是个白痴。
　　5. Britons love bleak 10 humour: that's why all the hire bikes are branded with the name of a bank currently being investigated for fixing interest rates. It's supposed to be funny.
　　英国人喜欢冷幽默：这就是为什么所有出租的自行车都刻着同一家银行的名字，而这家银行正因为固定利率而在被调查阶段。他们也许觉得这很有趣吧。
　　6. London's bike hire scheme couldn't be simpler, by the way: just go up to the terminal at any docking station, pay by card and take away one of our so-called "Boris bikes". When you're done with it, simply throw it into the nearest canal. They're disposable!
　　顺便说一句，伦敦的自行车租赁制度再简单不过了：走到任何一个租车点，刷卡付费就可以带走一辆自行车。当你使用完毕时，把车丢在附近的河里就行。这些自行车都是一次性的！
　　7. Do not ask a policeman the best way to get to the West End or how to use an Oyster 11 card. He wants to help, but he's from the West Midlands.
　　别问警察怎样去伦敦西区最快，也别问他如何使用牡蛎交通卡。他也很想帮你，不过他是从西米德兰兹郡来的。
　　8. Please aid the Olympic authorities and organisers by demonstrating at all times that you are not a terrorist. Do not perspire 12, take off your shoes, smile in a weird 13 way while texting someone, or point and shout: "Hey! Look at all those missiles on that roof over there!" In fact, if you're not using your hands for anything, it's probably best if you keep them in the air where everybody can see them.
　　请时刻注意证明你不是恐怖分子，这样就是对奥运组委会和主办方最大的帮助。别没事冒冷汗，别随便脱鞋子，别一边发短信一边诡异的微笑，别指着某处大喊：“嘿！看导弹部署在那边屋顶上！” 事实上，如果你的手闲着没事儿，最好能放在让所有人都能看见的地方。
　　9. We here in the UK want nothing more than to provide you, our guests, with a fantastic experience this summer, combining the best in international sport, brilliant facilities, fantastic entertainment and a cultural legacy 14 that draws on centuries of excellence 15 in art and architecture. If you ended up with four tickets for the wrestling at the ExCel Centre, well, better luck next time.
　　亲爱的贵客们，我们希望英国能为你们贡献一个美好的夏天，这个夏天包括了顶尖的国际赛事、先进的设施、有趣的娱乐、以及汇集了几个世纪的艺术建筑精华的文化遗产。如果你最终只收获了四张卓著国际中心的摔跤比赛门票，好吧，祝你下次好运。