Old Country Advice to the American Traveler

One year, my Uncle Mellie traveled from Fresno to New York. Before he got aboard the train, his uncle Garol paid him a visit and told him about the dangers of travel.

     “When you get on the train,” the old man said, “choose your seat carefully, sit down and do not 1)look about.”

    “Yes, sir,” my uncle said.

    “Several moments after the train begins to move,” the old man said, “Two men wearing 2)uniforms will come down the 3)aisle 1 and ask you for your ticket. Ignore them, they will be 4)impostors.”

    “How will I know?”

    “You will know. You are no longer a child.”

    “Yes, sir.”

    “Before you have traveled 20 miles, an amiable 2 young man will come to you and offer you a cigarette. Tell him you don”t smoke. The cigarette will be 5)doped.”

    “Yes, sir.”

    “On your way to the diner, a very beautiful young woman will 6)bump into you 7)intentionally 3 and almost 8)embrace you. She will be extremely apologetic and attractive, and your natural 9)impulse will be to 10)cultivate her friendship. Dismiss your natural impulse and go on in and eat. The woman will be an adventurous 4. Go on in and eat. Order the best food and if the diner is crowded and a beautiful young woman sits across the table from you, do not look into her eyes. If she speaks, pretend to be deaf. The woman will be an adventurous.”

    “A what?” my uncle said.

    “A lady of easy virtue,” the old man shouted. “Do you understand what I am talking about? Go on in and eat. Order the best food and if the diner is crowded and the beautiful young woman sits across the table from you, do not look into her eyes. If she speaks, pretend to be deaf.”

     “Yes, sir.”

     “Lretend to be deaf,” the old man said. “That is the only way out of it.”

     “Out of what?” my uncle Mellie said.

     “Out of the whole 11)ungodly 12)mess. I have traveled. I know what I’m talking about.”

     “Yes, sir.”

     “Let’s say no more about it.”

     “Yes, sir.”

      “Let’s not speak of the matter again. It’s finished. I have seven children, my life has been a full and 13)righteous one. Let’s not give it another thought. I have land, vines, trees, cattle and money. One cannot have everything except for a day or two at a time.”

      “Yes, sir.”

     “On your way back to your seat from the diner,” the old man said. “You will pass through the smoker 5. There you will find a game of cards in progress. The players will be three middle-aged 6 men with expensive looking rings on their fingers. They will nod at you pleasantly and one of them will invite you to join the game. Tell him, ‘No speak English.’”

     “Yes, sir.”

     “That is all.”

     “Thank you very much,” my uncle said.

     “One thing more,” the old man said.

     “When you go to bed at night. Take your money out of your pocket and put it in your shoe. Put your shoe under your pillow, keep your head on the pillow all night and don’t sleep.”

     “Yes, sir.”

     “That is all.”

     The old man went away, and the next day my uncle Mellie got aboard the train and traveled straight across America to New York. The two men in uniforms were not imposters. The young man with the doped cigarette did not arrive. The beautiful young woman did not sit across the table from my uncle in the diner, and there was no card game in progress in the smoker. My uncle put his money in his shoe and put his shoe under his pillow and put his head on the pillow and didn’t sleep all night the first night, but the second night he abandoned the whole 14)ritual.

      The second day, he himself offered another young man a cigarette, which the other young man accepted. In the diner, my uncle went out of his way to sit at a table with a young lady. He started a poker 7 game in the smoker and long before the train ever got to New York, my uncle knew everybody aboard the train and everybody knew him. Once while the train was travelling through Ohio, my uncle and the young man who had accepted the cigarette and two young ladies on their way to Vasser formed a 15)quartet and sang at a Wabash blue. The journey was a very pleasant one. When my Uncle Mellie came back from New York, his old Uncle Garol visited him again.

     “I see you are looking all right,” he said. “Did you follow my instructions?”

     “Yes, sir,” my uncle said.

     The old man looked far away in space. “I am pleased that someone has profited by my experience,” he said. CE

17、乡村老汉对美国旅行者的忠告

有一年，我的叔叔梅利做了一次从福勒斯诺到纽约的旅行。上火车之前，他的叔叔加勒尔来看望他并且告诉了他旅行的种种危险。

“上车之后，”老汉说道，“要小心挑选座位，然后坐下来而且不要四处乱看。”

“好的，”我的叔叔说。

“车刚启动不久，”老汉说道，“两个穿制服的人会从通道那边走过来查票。别理他们，他们是骗子。”

“我怎么知道他们是不是骗子？”

“你会知道的。你不再是个孩子了。”

“好吧。”

“走了不到二十英里，会有一个很友好的年轻人走到你跟前递给你一支香烟。告诉他你不抽烟。那支烟有毒。”

“好的。”

“在你去吃饭的途中，会有一个年轻漂亮的女人故意撞到你身上而且几乎抱住你。她会极力表示歉意，而且她很迷人，你出于本能冲动会想要和她交个朋友。但你必须克制本能冲动，走进去吃你的饭。女人是危险的。进去吃饭。给自己来份最好的，如果餐车里很拥挤，而且有年轻漂亮的女人正坐在你餐桌对面，不要看她的眼睛。如果她跟你说话你就装聋。女人是危险的。”

“什么？”我叔叔问道。

“女人是水性杨花的，”老汉大叫道，“你懂得我的话吗？进去吃饭。给自己来份最好的，如果餐车里很拥挤，而且有年轻漂亮的女人正坐在你餐桌对面，不要看她的眼睛。如果她跟你说话你就装聋。”

“好的。”

“装聋，”老汉说道，“那是能摆脱它的唯一办法。”

“摆脱什么？”我的叔叔梅利问道。

“摆脱整个可怕的困境。我旅行过。我知道我在说些什么。”

“好吧。”

“我们不要再说这些了。”

“好吧。”

“我们不要再说这件事了。所有的一切都结束了。我有七个孩子，我一生充实而正直。我们不想再要别的了。我有土地，有葡萄，有树林，有牛，还有钱。一个人在一两天之内不可能得到所有的东西。”

“是的。”

“吃过饭，在回座位的路上，”老汉说道，“你将会穿过一群抽烟的人。你会发现那儿正在进行一场牌局。打牌的是三个中年男人，他们的手指上戴着看似贵重的戒指。他们会高兴地冲你点头，而且其中的一人会邀请你加入他们的游戏。你要告诉他：‘不讲英语。’“

“好吧。”

“就是这些了。”

“非常感谢。”我的叔叔说。

“还有一件事。”老汉说道。

“晚上睡觉的时候，把钱从衣袋里掏出来放到鞋子里。把鞋子放在枕头下面，然后把脑袋枕在上面而且整夜不要睡。”

“好的，先生。”

“就是这些了。”

老汉走了，第二天我的叔叔梅利坐上火车横穿美国直到纽约。那两个穿制服的人不是骗子。拿着有毒香烟的年轻人没有出现。吃饭的时候那个年轻漂亮的姑娘也没有坐在我叔叔的桌对面，也没有抽着烟的人在玩扑克。头天晚上我叔叔把钱放在了鞋子里，把鞋子放在了枕头下，然后把脑袋枕在枕头上整夜未眠，但是第二夜他就把这一套全抛到了脑后。

第二天他自己给另外一个年轻小伙子递了一支烟，而且那人接受了。在餐车里我叔叔自己走到了一张餐桌旁和一位年轻女士坐在了一起。他在吸烟的人中间开了一场扑克牌局，在火车还要很久才到纽约的时候，我叔叔认识了车上所有的人，所有的人也都认识了他。当火车穿过俄亥俄州的时候，我叔叔和那个接受了他的香烟的年轻人还有两个去瓦赛尔的年轻女士组成了一个四人合唱团尽情地歌唱。旅行非常愉快。我叔叔梅利从纽约回来后，老加勒尔又来看他了。

“我看你气色还不错，”他说，“你照我的话做了吗？”

“是的。”我叔叔答道。

老汉望着远处的天，说道：“很高兴有人从我的经历中获得了益处。”CE

1) look about 四下环顾

2) uniform [5ju:nifC:m] n. 制服

3) aisle [ail] n. 走廊，过道

4) impostor [im5pCstEr] n. 骗子，冒名顶替者

5) dope [dEup] v. 掺毒品或麻醉剂

6) bump into 撞上

7) intentionally [in5tenFEnEli] adv. 有意地

8) embrace [im5breis] v. 拥抱

9) impulse [5impQls] n. 冲动，刺激

10) cultivate [5kQltiveit] v. 培养

11) ungodly [Qn5gCdlli] a. 荒唐的，不可思议的

12) mess [mes] n. 困境，混乱

13) righteous [5raitFEs] a. 正直的，正义的

14) ritual [5ritFuEl] n. 礼节，礼仪

15) quartet [kwC:5tet] n. 四重唱