雅思写作批改实例：环境保护问题

 　　WRITING TASK 2

　　You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
　　Write about the following topic:
　　Environmental problems are too big for individual countries and individual people to address. In other words, we have reached the stage where the only way to protect the environment is at an international level.
　　To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
　　Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
　　Write at least 250 words.
　　Recent decades have witness target=_blank class=infotextkey>witnessed enormous environmental challenges, such as toxic 1 groundwater, polluted air and acid rain. Although many people subscribe 2 to the belief that these problems are so big that can be only addressed at an international level, (1)I only partly agree with it. (2)
　　1. 同义改写的力度还可以再大一些的!big可以改为severe; addressed 可以改为tackled, at international level 可以改为through international cooperation.
　　2. 没有这样写的啦。其实你的意思就是不同意。可以改为具体一点的内容，I believe that individual countries and citizens also play a key role in environmental protection.
　　It is true that environmental concerns should be dealt with through joint 3 efforts from countries. To start with, problems today like dust storms are so widespread that they can hardly be confined to one particular country, which means it is every country’s obligation to handle the problems. In addition, international cooperation can effectively boost the progress (3) in improving the environment. For instance, signing international treaties restricts (4) developed countries to produce carbon footprints (5) due to industrial process, which contributes significantly to resolving global warming.
　　3. boost跟progress可不是固定搭配哦。可以改为accelerate, facilitate。
　　4. 搭配不当。你查一下restrict的用法，一般只能跟sth.， 不能加sb. to do sth.的。只有~ oneself to (doing) sth.
　　朗文：http://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/restrict
　　牛津：http://oald8.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/dictionary/restrict
　　这里可以改为International treaties can effectively restrict the emission 4 of greenhouse gases from industries in developed countries.
　　5. 搭配不当。碳足迹不能跟produce搭配的。改为greenhouse gases就可以了。
　　However, it does not mean individual countries and individual people can do nothing to fulfill 5 their environmental responsibilities. To enhance public awareness 6 of environmental protection, the government should constitute more rigid 7 laws and regulations as well as encouraging (6) the media to have a wider coverage 8 of environmental deterioration 9. Only when people become truly aware of the current status can they take actions (7) for sustainable development.
　　6. 注意as well as后面所接动词的形式取决于前一个动词，而非一定用动名词形式。
　　7. “采取措施”可以用take measures，可以说take steps, 但是take action，后面不能加s。这个细节要记得呀!
　　可以参考牛津高阶http://oald8.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/dictionary/step，倒数第三行。
　　As for individuals, a simpler lifestyle is a considerate step for improvement. For example, citizens can choose public transport instead of private cars, which in some way reduce (8) carbon emissions 10. Likewise, as customer, (9) individuals are supposed to reuse shopping bags and purchase eco-friendly products. Also, by recycling and sorting household waste, much energy resources (10)can be saved.
　　8. 注意主谓一致的问题。从句中的主语which替代的是前面的一整句话，所以相当于一个单数。加s。
　　9. 注意名词单复数的问题。可数名词不能“裸用”，即前面没有冠词，后面也不加s。这里改为复数就好了。
　　10. 注意了!resources是复数，怎能用much修饰?改为considerable/ enormous/substantial。
　　In conclusion, solving the environmental problems is not only a matter of international cooperation, but also an obligation for individual countries and citizens. Only by combing external and domestic efforts can such issues be effectively resolved.