【有声英语文学名著】德米安(2a)
时间:2019-02-24 作者:英语课 分类:有声英语文学名著
英语课
Demian
by Hermann Hesse
2) Cain
My salvation 1 came from a totally unexpected source, which, at the same time, brought a new element into my life that has affected 2 it to this very day.
A new boy had just been enrolled 3 in our school. He was the son of a well-to-do widow who had come to live in our town; he wore a mourning band on his sleeve. Being several years older than I, he was assigned to a grade above me. Still, I could not avoid noticing him, nor could anyone else. This remarkable 4 student seemed much older than he looked; in fact, he did not strike anyone as a boy at all. In contrast to us, he seemed strange and mature, like a man, or rather like a gentleman. He was not popular, did not take part in our games, still less in the general roughhouse, and only his firm, self-confident tone toward the teachers won the admiration 5 of the students. He was called Max Demian.
One day -- as happened now and again -- an additional class was assigned to our large classroom for some reason or other. It was Demian's class. We, the younger ones, were having a Scripture 6 lesson; the higher grade had to write an essay. While the story of Cain and Abel was being drummed into us, I kept glancing toward Demian whose face held a peculiar 7 fascination 8 for me, and I observed the intelligent, light, unusually resolute 9 face bent 10 attentively 11 and diligently 12 over his work; he didn't at all look like a student doing an assignment, but rather like a scientist investigating a problem of his own. I couldn't say that he made a favorable impression on me; on the contrary, I had something against him: he seemed too superior and detached, his manner too provocatively 13 confident, and his eyes gave him an adult expression -- which children never like -- faintly sad, with flashes of sarcasm 14. Yet I could not help looking at him, no matter whether I liked or detested 15 him, but if he happened to glance my way I averted 16 my eyes in panic. When I think back on it today, and what he looked like as a student at that time, I can only say that he was in every respect different from all the others, was entirely 17 himself, with a personality all his own which made him noticeable even though he did his best not to be noticed; his manner and bearing was that of a prince disguised among farm boys, taking great pains to appear one of them.
He was walking behind me on the way home from school, and after the others had turned off he caught up with me and said hello. Even his manner of greeting, though he tried to imitate our schoolboy tone, was distinctly adult and polite.
"Shall we walk together for a while?" he asked. I felt flattered and nodded. Then I described to him where I lived.
"Oh, over there?" he said and smiled. "I know the house. There's something odd above the doorway 18 -- it interested me at once."
I didn't know offhand 19 what he meant and was astonished that he apparently 20 knew our house better than I did myself. The keystone of the arch above the doorway bore no doubt a kind of coat of arms but it had worn off with time and had frequently been painted over. As far as I knew it had nothing to do with us and our family.
"I don't know anything about it," I said shyly. "It's a bird or something like that and must be quite old. The house is supposed to have been part of the monastery 21 at one point."
"That's quite possible." He nodded. "Take a good look at it sometime! Such tilings can be quite interesting. I believe it's a sparrow hawk 22."
We walked on. I felt very self-conscious. Suddenly Demian laughed as though something had struck him as funny.
"Yes, when we had class together," he burst out. "The story of Cain who has that mark on his forehead. Do you like it?"
No, I didn't. It was rare for me to like anything we had to learn. Yet I didn't dare confess it, for I felt I was being addressed by an adult. I said I didn't much mind the story
Demian slapped me on the back.
"You don't have to put on an act for me. But in fact the story is quite remarkable. It's far more remarkable than most stories we're taught in school. Your teacher didn't go into it at great lengths. He just mentioned the usual things about God and sin and so forth 23. But I believe --" He interrupted himself and asked with a smile: "Does this interest you at all?"
"Well, I think," he went on, "one can give this story about Cain quite a different interpretation 24. Most of the things we're taught I'm sure are quite right and true, but one can view all of them from quite a different angle than the teachers do -- and most of the time they then make better sense. For instance, one can't be quite satisfied with this Cain and the mark on his forehead, with the way it's explained to us. Don't you agree? It's perfectly 25 possible for someone to kill his brother with a stone and to panic and repent 26. But that he's awarded a special decoration for his cowardice 27, a mark that protects him and puts the fear of God into all the others, that's quite odd, isn't it?"
"Of course," I said with interest: the idea began to fascinate me. "But what other way of interpreting the story is there?"
He slapped me on the shoulder.
"It's quite simple! The first element of the story, its actual beginning, was the mark. Here was a man with something in his face that frightened the others. They didn't dare lay hands on him; he impressed them, he and his children. We can guess -- no, we can be quite certain -- that it was not a mark on his forehead like a postmark -- life is hardly ever as clear and straightforward 28 as that. It is much more likely that he struck people as faintly sinister 29, perhaps a little more intellect and boldness in his look than people were used to. This man was powerful: you would approach him only with awe 30. He had a 'sign.' You could explain this any way you wished. And people always want what is agreeable to them and puts them in the right. They were afraid of Cain's children: they bore a 'sign.' So they did not interpret the sign for what it was -- a mark of distinction -- but as its opposite. They said: 'Those fellows with the sign, they're a strange lot' -- and indeed they were. People with courage and character always seem sinister to the rest. It was a scandal that a breed of fearless and sinister people ran about freely, so they attached a nickname and myth to these people to get even with them, to make up for the many times they had felt afraid -- do you get it?"
"Yes -- that is -- in that case Cam wouldn't have been evil at all? And the whole story in the Bible is actually not authentic 31?"
"Yes and no. Such age-old stories are always true but they aren't always properly recorded and aren't always given correct interpretations 32. In short, I mean Cain was a fine fellow and this story was pinned on him only because people were afraid. The story was simply a rumor 33, something that people gab 34 about, and it was true in so far as Cain and his children really bore a kind of mark and were different from most people."
I was astounded 35.
"And do you believe that the business about killing 36 his brother isn't true either?" I asked, entranced.
"Oh, that's certainly true. The strong man slew 37 a weaker one. It's doubtful whether it was really his brother, But it isn't important. Ultimately all men are brothers. So, a strong man slew a weaker one: perhaps it was a truly valiant 38 act, perhaps it wasn't. At any rate, all the other weaker ones were afraid of him from then on, they complained bitterly and if you asked them: 'Why don't you turn around and slay 39 him, too?' they did not reply 'Because we're cowards,' but rather 'You can't, he has a sign. God has marked him.' The fraud must have originated some way like that. -- Oh well, I see I'm keeping you. So long then."
He turned into the Altgasse and left me standing 40 there, more baffled than I had ever been in my life. Yet, almost as soon as he had gone, everything he had said seemed incredible. Cain a noble person, Abel a coward! Cain's mark a mark of distinction! It was absurd, it was blasphemous 41 and evil. How did God fit in in that case? Hadn't He accepted the sacrifice of Abel? Didn't He love Abel? No, what Demian had said was completely crazy. And I suspected that he had wanted to make fun of me and make me lose my footing. He was clever all right, and he could talk, but he couldn't put that one over, not on me!
I had never before given as much thought to a biblical story or to any other story. And for a long time I had not forgotten Franz Kromer as completely; for hours, for a whole evening in fact. At home I read the story once more as written in the Bible. It was brief and unambiguous; it was quite mad to look for a special, hidden meaning. At that rate every murderer could declare that he was God's darling! No, what Demian had said was nonsense. What pleased me was the ease and grace with which he was able to say such things, as though everything were self-evident; and then the look in his eyes!
Something was very wrong with me, though; my life was in very great disorder 42. I had lived in a wholesome 43 and clean world, had been a kind of Abel myself, and now I was stuck deeply in the "other world," had fallen and sunk very low -- yet it hadn't basically been my fault! How was I to consider that? And now a memory flashed within me that for a moment almost left me breathless. On that fatal evening when my misery 44 had begun, there had been that matter with my father. There, for a moment, I had seen through him and his world of light and wisdom and had felt nothing but contempt for it. Yes, at that moment I, who was Cain and bore the mark, had imagined that this sign was not a mark of shame and that because of my evil and misfortune I stood higher than my father and the pious 45, the righteous.
I had not experienced the moment in this form, in clearly expressed thoughts, but all of this had been contained within it; it had been the eruption 46 of emotions, of strange stirrings, that hurt me yet filled me with pride at the same time.
When I considered how strangely Demian had talked about the fearless and the cowardly, what an unusual meaning he had given the mark Cain bore on his forehead, how his eyes, his remarkable adult eyes had lit up, the question flashed through my mind whether Demian himself was not a kind of Cain. Why does he defend Cain unless he feels an affinity 47 with him? Why does he have such a powerful gaze? Why does he speak so contemptuously of the "others," of the timid who actually are the pious, the chosen ones of the Lord?
I could not bring these thoughts to any conclusion. A stone had been dropped into the well, the well was my youthful soul. And for a very long time this matter of Cain, the fratricide, and the "mark" formed the point of departure for all my attempts at comprehension, my doubts and my criticism.
I noticed that Demian exerted equal fascination over the other students. I hadn't told
anyone about his version of the story of Cain, but the others seemed to be interested in him, too. At any rate, many rumors 48 were in circulation about the "new boy." If I could only remember them all now, each one would throw some light on him and could be interpreted. I remember first that Demian's mother was reported to be wealthy and also, supposedly, neither she nor her son ever attended church. One story had it that they were Jewish but they might equally well have been secret Mohammedans. Then there was Max Demian's legendary 49 physical prowess. But this could be corroborated 50: when the strongest boy in Demian's class had taunted 51 him, calling him a coward when he refused to fight back, Demian had humiliated 52 him. Those who were present told that Demian had grasped the boy with one hand by the neck and squeezed until the boy went pale; afterwards, the boy had slunk away and had not been able to use his arm for a whole week. One evening some boys even claimed that he was dead. For a time everything, even the most extravagant 53 assertions were believed. Then everyone seemed to have had their fill of Demian for a while, though not much later gossip again flourished: some boys reported that Demian was intimate with girls and that he "knew everything."
Meanwhile, my business with Kromer took its inevitable 54 course. I couldn't escape him, for even when he left me alone for days I was still bound to him. He haunted my dreams and what he failed to perpetrate on me in real life, my imagination let him do to me in those dreams in which I was completely his slave. I have always been a great dreamer; in dreams I am more active than in my real life, and these shadows sapped me of health and energy. A recurring 55 nightmare was that Kromer always maltreated me, spit and knelt on me and, what was worse, led me on to commit the most horrible crimes -- or, rather, not so much led me on as compelled me through sheer force of persuasion 56. The worst of these dreams, from which I awoke half-mad, had to do with a murderous assault on my father. Kromer whetted 57 a knife, put it in my hand; we stood behind some trees in an avenue and lay in wait for someone, I did not know whom. Yet when this someone approached and Kromer pinched my arm to let me know that this was the person I was to stab -- it was my father. Then I would awake.
Although I still drew a connection between these events and the story of Cain and Abel, I gave little thought to Max Demian. When he first approached me again, it was, oddly enough, also in a dream. For I was still dreaming of being tortured. Yet this time it was Demian who knelt on me. And -- this was totally new and left a deep impression on me -- everything I had resisted and that had been agony to me when Kromer was my tormentor 58 I suffered gladly at Demian's hands, with a feeling compounded as much of ecstasy 59 as of fear. I had this dream twice. Then Kromer regained 60 his old place.
For years I have been unable to distinguish between what I experienced in these dreams and in real life. In any event, the bad relationship with Kromer continued and by no means came to an end after I had finally paid my debt out of any number of petty thefts. No, for now he knew of these new thefts since he asked each time where I had gotten the money, and I was more in bondage 61 to him than ever. Often he threatened to tell everything to my father but even then my fear was hardly as great as my profound regret at not having done so myself at the very beginning. In the meantime, miserable 62 though I was, I did not regret everything that happened, at least not all the time, and occasionally I even felt that everything had had to happen as it did. I was in the hands of fate and it was useless to try to escape.
Presumably, my parents also were distressed 63 by the state I was in. A strange spirit had taken hold of me, I no longer fitted into our community, once so intimate; yet often a wild longing 64 came over me to return to it as to a lost paradise. My mother in particular treated me more like an invalid 65 than a scoundrel, but my true status within the family I was better able to judge from my sisters' attitude. Theirs was one of extreme indulgence, which made it plain that I was considered a kind of madman, more to be pitied for his condition than blamed, but possessed 66 by the devil nonetheless. They prayed for me with unusual fervor 67 and I was infinitely 68 miserable when I realized the futility 69 of these prayers. Often I felt a burning need for relief, for genuine confession 70, and yet sensed in advance that I would be unable to tell my mother or father, and explain everything properly. I knew that everything I said would be accepted sympathetically, that they would, yes, even feel sorry for me, but that they would not understand, that the whole thing would be regarded as a momentary 71 aberration 72, whereas in truth it was my fate.
I realize that some people will not believe that a child of little more than ten years is capable of having such feelings. My story is not intended for them. I am telling it to those who have a better knowledge of man. The adult who has learned to translate a part of his feelings into thoughts notices the absence of these thoughts in a child, and therefore comes to believe that the child lacks these experiences, too. Yet rarely in my life have I felt and suffered as deeply as at that time.
One day it rained. Kromer had ordered me to meet him at the Burgplatz, and there I stood and waited, shuffling 73 among the wet chestnut 74 leaves that were still falling from the black wet trees. I had no money with me but I had managed to put aside two pieces of cake and had brought them along so as to be able to give Kromer something at least. By now I was used to standing in some corner and waiting for him, often for a very long time, and I accepted it the same way one learns to put up with the inevitable. Kromer showed up finally. He didn't stay long. He poked 75 me in the ribs 76 a few times, laughed, took the cake, even offered me a damp cigarette (which, however, I did not accept), and was friendlier than usual.
"Yes," he said nonchalantly before going away, "before I forget it, you might bring your sister along the next time, the older one, what's her name."
I failed to get his point and made no reply. I only looked at him, surprised.
"Don't you understand? You're to bring your sister."
"No, Kromer, that's impossible. I wouldn't be allowed to and she wouldn't come in any case."
I was prepared for this new ruse 77 or pretext 78 of his. He did this often: demanded something impossible, frightened and humiliated me, then gradually offered some bargain as a way out, and I had to buy myself off with some money or a gift.
This time, however, it was altogether different. My refusal did not seem to make him angry at all.
"Well, anyway," he said in a matter-of-fact tone, "think it over. I'd like to meet your sister. We'll find a way one of these days. You could simply take her along on a walk and then I could join you. I'll give you a whistle tomorrow, then we can talk about it some more."
by Hermann Hesse
2) Cain
My salvation 1 came from a totally unexpected source, which, at the same time, brought a new element into my life that has affected 2 it to this very day.
A new boy had just been enrolled 3 in our school. He was the son of a well-to-do widow who had come to live in our town; he wore a mourning band on his sleeve. Being several years older than I, he was assigned to a grade above me. Still, I could not avoid noticing him, nor could anyone else. This remarkable 4 student seemed much older than he looked; in fact, he did not strike anyone as a boy at all. In contrast to us, he seemed strange and mature, like a man, or rather like a gentleman. He was not popular, did not take part in our games, still less in the general roughhouse, and only his firm, self-confident tone toward the teachers won the admiration 5 of the students. He was called Max Demian.
One day -- as happened now and again -- an additional class was assigned to our large classroom for some reason or other. It was Demian's class. We, the younger ones, were having a Scripture 6 lesson; the higher grade had to write an essay. While the story of Cain and Abel was being drummed into us, I kept glancing toward Demian whose face held a peculiar 7 fascination 8 for me, and I observed the intelligent, light, unusually resolute 9 face bent 10 attentively 11 and diligently 12 over his work; he didn't at all look like a student doing an assignment, but rather like a scientist investigating a problem of his own. I couldn't say that he made a favorable impression on me; on the contrary, I had something against him: he seemed too superior and detached, his manner too provocatively 13 confident, and his eyes gave him an adult expression -- which children never like -- faintly sad, with flashes of sarcasm 14. Yet I could not help looking at him, no matter whether I liked or detested 15 him, but if he happened to glance my way I averted 16 my eyes in panic. When I think back on it today, and what he looked like as a student at that time, I can only say that he was in every respect different from all the others, was entirely 17 himself, with a personality all his own which made him noticeable even though he did his best not to be noticed; his manner and bearing was that of a prince disguised among farm boys, taking great pains to appear one of them.
He was walking behind me on the way home from school, and after the others had turned off he caught up with me and said hello. Even his manner of greeting, though he tried to imitate our schoolboy tone, was distinctly adult and polite.
"Shall we walk together for a while?" he asked. I felt flattered and nodded. Then I described to him where I lived.
"Oh, over there?" he said and smiled. "I know the house. There's something odd above the doorway 18 -- it interested me at once."
I didn't know offhand 19 what he meant and was astonished that he apparently 20 knew our house better than I did myself. The keystone of the arch above the doorway bore no doubt a kind of coat of arms but it had worn off with time and had frequently been painted over. As far as I knew it had nothing to do with us and our family.
"I don't know anything about it," I said shyly. "It's a bird or something like that and must be quite old. The house is supposed to have been part of the monastery 21 at one point."
"That's quite possible." He nodded. "Take a good look at it sometime! Such tilings can be quite interesting. I believe it's a sparrow hawk 22."
We walked on. I felt very self-conscious. Suddenly Demian laughed as though something had struck him as funny.
"Yes, when we had class together," he burst out. "The story of Cain who has that mark on his forehead. Do you like it?"
No, I didn't. It was rare for me to like anything we had to learn. Yet I didn't dare confess it, for I felt I was being addressed by an adult. I said I didn't much mind the story
Demian slapped me on the back.
"You don't have to put on an act for me. But in fact the story is quite remarkable. It's far more remarkable than most stories we're taught in school. Your teacher didn't go into it at great lengths. He just mentioned the usual things about God and sin and so forth 23. But I believe --" He interrupted himself and asked with a smile: "Does this interest you at all?"
"Well, I think," he went on, "one can give this story about Cain quite a different interpretation 24. Most of the things we're taught I'm sure are quite right and true, but one can view all of them from quite a different angle than the teachers do -- and most of the time they then make better sense. For instance, one can't be quite satisfied with this Cain and the mark on his forehead, with the way it's explained to us. Don't you agree? It's perfectly 25 possible for someone to kill his brother with a stone and to panic and repent 26. But that he's awarded a special decoration for his cowardice 27, a mark that protects him and puts the fear of God into all the others, that's quite odd, isn't it?"
"Of course," I said with interest: the idea began to fascinate me. "But what other way of interpreting the story is there?"
He slapped me on the shoulder.
"It's quite simple! The first element of the story, its actual beginning, was the mark. Here was a man with something in his face that frightened the others. They didn't dare lay hands on him; he impressed them, he and his children. We can guess -- no, we can be quite certain -- that it was not a mark on his forehead like a postmark -- life is hardly ever as clear and straightforward 28 as that. It is much more likely that he struck people as faintly sinister 29, perhaps a little more intellect and boldness in his look than people were used to. This man was powerful: you would approach him only with awe 30. He had a 'sign.' You could explain this any way you wished. And people always want what is agreeable to them and puts them in the right. They were afraid of Cain's children: they bore a 'sign.' So they did not interpret the sign for what it was -- a mark of distinction -- but as its opposite. They said: 'Those fellows with the sign, they're a strange lot' -- and indeed they were. People with courage and character always seem sinister to the rest. It was a scandal that a breed of fearless and sinister people ran about freely, so they attached a nickname and myth to these people to get even with them, to make up for the many times they had felt afraid -- do you get it?"
"Yes -- that is -- in that case Cam wouldn't have been evil at all? And the whole story in the Bible is actually not authentic 31?"
"Yes and no. Such age-old stories are always true but they aren't always properly recorded and aren't always given correct interpretations 32. In short, I mean Cain was a fine fellow and this story was pinned on him only because people were afraid. The story was simply a rumor 33, something that people gab 34 about, and it was true in so far as Cain and his children really bore a kind of mark and were different from most people."
I was astounded 35.
"And do you believe that the business about killing 36 his brother isn't true either?" I asked, entranced.
"Oh, that's certainly true. The strong man slew 37 a weaker one. It's doubtful whether it was really his brother, But it isn't important. Ultimately all men are brothers. So, a strong man slew a weaker one: perhaps it was a truly valiant 38 act, perhaps it wasn't. At any rate, all the other weaker ones were afraid of him from then on, they complained bitterly and if you asked them: 'Why don't you turn around and slay 39 him, too?' they did not reply 'Because we're cowards,' but rather 'You can't, he has a sign. God has marked him.' The fraud must have originated some way like that. -- Oh well, I see I'm keeping you. So long then."
He turned into the Altgasse and left me standing 40 there, more baffled than I had ever been in my life. Yet, almost as soon as he had gone, everything he had said seemed incredible. Cain a noble person, Abel a coward! Cain's mark a mark of distinction! It was absurd, it was blasphemous 41 and evil. How did God fit in in that case? Hadn't He accepted the sacrifice of Abel? Didn't He love Abel? No, what Demian had said was completely crazy. And I suspected that he had wanted to make fun of me and make me lose my footing. He was clever all right, and he could talk, but he couldn't put that one over, not on me!
I had never before given as much thought to a biblical story or to any other story. And for a long time I had not forgotten Franz Kromer as completely; for hours, for a whole evening in fact. At home I read the story once more as written in the Bible. It was brief and unambiguous; it was quite mad to look for a special, hidden meaning. At that rate every murderer could declare that he was God's darling! No, what Demian had said was nonsense. What pleased me was the ease and grace with which he was able to say such things, as though everything were self-evident; and then the look in his eyes!
Something was very wrong with me, though; my life was in very great disorder 42. I had lived in a wholesome 43 and clean world, had been a kind of Abel myself, and now I was stuck deeply in the "other world," had fallen and sunk very low -- yet it hadn't basically been my fault! How was I to consider that? And now a memory flashed within me that for a moment almost left me breathless. On that fatal evening when my misery 44 had begun, there had been that matter with my father. There, for a moment, I had seen through him and his world of light and wisdom and had felt nothing but contempt for it. Yes, at that moment I, who was Cain and bore the mark, had imagined that this sign was not a mark of shame and that because of my evil and misfortune I stood higher than my father and the pious 45, the righteous.
I had not experienced the moment in this form, in clearly expressed thoughts, but all of this had been contained within it; it had been the eruption 46 of emotions, of strange stirrings, that hurt me yet filled me with pride at the same time.
When I considered how strangely Demian had talked about the fearless and the cowardly, what an unusual meaning he had given the mark Cain bore on his forehead, how his eyes, his remarkable adult eyes had lit up, the question flashed through my mind whether Demian himself was not a kind of Cain. Why does he defend Cain unless he feels an affinity 47 with him? Why does he have such a powerful gaze? Why does he speak so contemptuously of the "others," of the timid who actually are the pious, the chosen ones of the Lord?
I could not bring these thoughts to any conclusion. A stone had been dropped into the well, the well was my youthful soul. And for a very long time this matter of Cain, the fratricide, and the "mark" formed the point of departure for all my attempts at comprehension, my doubts and my criticism.
I noticed that Demian exerted equal fascination over the other students. I hadn't told
anyone about his version of the story of Cain, but the others seemed to be interested in him, too. At any rate, many rumors 48 were in circulation about the "new boy." If I could only remember them all now, each one would throw some light on him and could be interpreted. I remember first that Demian's mother was reported to be wealthy and also, supposedly, neither she nor her son ever attended church. One story had it that they were Jewish but they might equally well have been secret Mohammedans. Then there was Max Demian's legendary 49 physical prowess. But this could be corroborated 50: when the strongest boy in Demian's class had taunted 51 him, calling him a coward when he refused to fight back, Demian had humiliated 52 him. Those who were present told that Demian had grasped the boy with one hand by the neck and squeezed until the boy went pale; afterwards, the boy had slunk away and had not been able to use his arm for a whole week. One evening some boys even claimed that he was dead. For a time everything, even the most extravagant 53 assertions were believed. Then everyone seemed to have had their fill of Demian for a while, though not much later gossip again flourished: some boys reported that Demian was intimate with girls and that he "knew everything."
Meanwhile, my business with Kromer took its inevitable 54 course. I couldn't escape him, for even when he left me alone for days I was still bound to him. He haunted my dreams and what he failed to perpetrate on me in real life, my imagination let him do to me in those dreams in which I was completely his slave. I have always been a great dreamer; in dreams I am more active than in my real life, and these shadows sapped me of health and energy. A recurring 55 nightmare was that Kromer always maltreated me, spit and knelt on me and, what was worse, led me on to commit the most horrible crimes -- or, rather, not so much led me on as compelled me through sheer force of persuasion 56. The worst of these dreams, from which I awoke half-mad, had to do with a murderous assault on my father. Kromer whetted 57 a knife, put it in my hand; we stood behind some trees in an avenue and lay in wait for someone, I did not know whom. Yet when this someone approached and Kromer pinched my arm to let me know that this was the person I was to stab -- it was my father. Then I would awake.
Although I still drew a connection between these events and the story of Cain and Abel, I gave little thought to Max Demian. When he first approached me again, it was, oddly enough, also in a dream. For I was still dreaming of being tortured. Yet this time it was Demian who knelt on me. And -- this was totally new and left a deep impression on me -- everything I had resisted and that had been agony to me when Kromer was my tormentor 58 I suffered gladly at Demian's hands, with a feeling compounded as much of ecstasy 59 as of fear. I had this dream twice. Then Kromer regained 60 his old place.
For years I have been unable to distinguish between what I experienced in these dreams and in real life. In any event, the bad relationship with Kromer continued and by no means came to an end after I had finally paid my debt out of any number of petty thefts. No, for now he knew of these new thefts since he asked each time where I had gotten the money, and I was more in bondage 61 to him than ever. Often he threatened to tell everything to my father but even then my fear was hardly as great as my profound regret at not having done so myself at the very beginning. In the meantime, miserable 62 though I was, I did not regret everything that happened, at least not all the time, and occasionally I even felt that everything had had to happen as it did. I was in the hands of fate and it was useless to try to escape.
Presumably, my parents also were distressed 63 by the state I was in. A strange spirit had taken hold of me, I no longer fitted into our community, once so intimate; yet often a wild longing 64 came over me to return to it as to a lost paradise. My mother in particular treated me more like an invalid 65 than a scoundrel, but my true status within the family I was better able to judge from my sisters' attitude. Theirs was one of extreme indulgence, which made it plain that I was considered a kind of madman, more to be pitied for his condition than blamed, but possessed 66 by the devil nonetheless. They prayed for me with unusual fervor 67 and I was infinitely 68 miserable when I realized the futility 69 of these prayers. Often I felt a burning need for relief, for genuine confession 70, and yet sensed in advance that I would be unable to tell my mother or father, and explain everything properly. I knew that everything I said would be accepted sympathetically, that they would, yes, even feel sorry for me, but that they would not understand, that the whole thing would be regarded as a momentary 71 aberration 72, whereas in truth it was my fate.
I realize that some people will not believe that a child of little more than ten years is capable of having such feelings. My story is not intended for them. I am telling it to those who have a better knowledge of man. The adult who has learned to translate a part of his feelings into thoughts notices the absence of these thoughts in a child, and therefore comes to believe that the child lacks these experiences, too. Yet rarely in my life have I felt and suffered as deeply as at that time.
One day it rained. Kromer had ordered me to meet him at the Burgplatz, and there I stood and waited, shuffling 73 among the wet chestnut 74 leaves that were still falling from the black wet trees. I had no money with me but I had managed to put aside two pieces of cake and had brought them along so as to be able to give Kromer something at least. By now I was used to standing in some corner and waiting for him, often for a very long time, and I accepted it the same way one learns to put up with the inevitable. Kromer showed up finally. He didn't stay long. He poked 75 me in the ribs 76 a few times, laughed, took the cake, even offered me a damp cigarette (which, however, I did not accept), and was friendlier than usual.
"Yes," he said nonchalantly before going away, "before I forget it, you might bring your sister along the next time, the older one, what's her name."
I failed to get his point and made no reply. I only looked at him, surprised.
"Don't you understand? You're to bring your sister."
"No, Kromer, that's impossible. I wouldn't be allowed to and she wouldn't come in any case."
I was prepared for this new ruse 77 or pretext 78 of his. He did this often: demanded something impossible, frightened and humiliated me, then gradually offered some bargain as a way out, and I had to buy myself off with some money or a gift.
This time, however, it was altogether different. My refusal did not seem to make him angry at all.
"Well, anyway," he said in a matter-of-fact tone, "think it over. I'd like to meet your sister. We'll find a way one of these days. You could simply take her along on a walk and then I could join you. I'll give you a whistle tomorrow, then we can talk about it some more."
n.(尤指基督)救世,超度,拯救,解困
- Salvation lay in political reform.解救办法在于政治改革。
- Christians hope and pray for salvation.基督教徒希望并祈祷灵魂得救。
adj.不自然的,假装的
- She showed an affected interest in our subject.她假装对我们的课题感到兴趣。
- His manners are affected.他的态度不自然。
adj.入学登记了的v.[亦作enrol]( enroll的过去式和过去分词 );登记,招收,使入伍(或入会、入学等),参加,成为成员;记入名册;卷起,包起
- They have been studying hard from the moment they enrolled. 从入学时起,他们就一直努力学习。 来自《简明英汉词典》
- He enrolled with an employment agency for a teaching position. 他在职业介绍所登了记以谋求一个教师的职位。 来自《简明英汉词典》
adj.显著的,异常的,非凡的,值得注意的
- She has made remarkable headway in her writing skills.她在写作技巧方面有了长足进步。
- These cars are remarkable for the quietness of their engines.这些汽车因发动机没有噪音而不同凡响。
n.钦佩,赞美,羡慕
- He was lost in admiration of the beauty of the scene.他对风景之美赞不绝口。
- We have a great admiration for the gold medalists.我们对金牌获得者极为敬佩。
n.经文,圣书,手稿;Scripture:(常用复数)《圣经》,《圣经》中的一段
- The scripture states that God did not want us to be alone.圣经指出上帝并不是想让我们独身一人生活。
- They invoked Hindu scripture to justify their position.他们援引印度教的经文为他们的立场辩护。
adj.古怪的,异常的;特殊的,特有的
- He walks in a peculiar fashion.他走路的样子很奇特。
- He looked at me with a very peculiar expression.他用一种很奇怪的表情看着我。
n.令人着迷的事物,魅力,迷恋
- He had a deep fascination with all forms of transport.他对所有的运输工具都很着迷。
- His letters have been a source of fascination to a wide audience.广大观众一直迷恋于他的来信。
adj.坚决的,果敢的
- He was resolute in carrying out his plan.他坚决地实行他的计划。
- The Egyptians offered resolute resistance to the aggressors.埃及人对侵略者作出坚决的反抗。
n.爱好,癖好;adj.弯的;决心的,一心的
- He was fully bent upon the project.他一心扑在这项计划上。
- We bent over backward to help them.我们尽了最大努力帮助他们。
adv.聚精会神地;周到地;谛;凝神
- She listened attentively while I poured out my problems. 我倾吐心中的烦恼时,她一直在注意听。 来自《简明英汉词典》
- She listened attentively and set down every word he said. 她专心听着,把他说的话一字不漏地记下来。 来自《简明英汉词典》
ad.industriously;carefully
- He applied himself diligently to learning French. 他孜孜不倦地学法语。
- He had studied diligently at college. 他在大学里勤奋学习。
- Democracy or dictatorship, the golden ships still hung in the sky and shone provocatively. 民主也好,独裁也罢,那些金晃晃的飞船依然高悬天际,闪熠发光,向我们挑衅。 来自英汉非文学 - 科幻
n.讥讽,讽刺,嘲弄,反话 (adj.sarcastic)
- His sarcasm hurt her feelings.他的讽刺伤害了她的感情。
- She was given to using bitter sarcasm.她惯于用尖酸刻薄语言挖苦人。
v.憎恶,嫌恶,痛恨( detest的过去式和过去分词 )
- They detested each other on sight. 他们互相看着就不顺眼。
- The freethinker hated the formalist; the lover of liberty detested the disciplinarian. 自由思想者总是不喜欢拘泥形式者,爱好自由者总是憎恶清规戒律者。 来自辞典例句
防止,避免( avert的过去式和过去分词 ); 转移
- A disaster was narrowly averted. 及时防止了一场灾难。
- Thanks to her skilful handling of the affair, the problem was averted. 多亏她对事情处理得巧妙,才避免了麻烦。
ad.全部地,完整地;完全地,彻底地
- The fire was entirely caused by their neglect of duty. 那场火灾完全是由于他们失职而引起的。
- His life was entirely given up to the educational work. 他的一生统统献给了教育工作。
n.门口,(喻)入门;门路,途径
- They huddled in the shop doorway to shelter from the rain.他们挤在商店门口躲雨。
- Mary suddenly appeared in the doorway.玛丽突然出现在门口。
adj.临时,无准备的;随便,马虎的
- I can't answer your request offhand.我不能随便答复你的要求。
- I wouldn't want to say what I thought about it offhand.我不愿意随便说我关于这事的想法。
adv.显然地;表面上,似乎
- An apparently blind alley leads suddenly into an open space.山穷水尽,豁然开朗。
- He was apparently much surprised at the news.他对那个消息显然感到十分惊异。
n.修道院,僧院,寺院
- They found an icon in the monastery.他们在修道院中发现了一个圣像。
- She was appointed the superior of the monastery two years ago.两年前她被任命为这个修道院的院长。
n.鹰,骗子;鹰派成员
- The hawk swooped down on the rabbit and killed it.鹰猛地朝兔子扑下来,并把它杀死。
- The hawk snatched the chicken and flew away.老鹰叼了小鸡就飞走了。
adv.向前;向外,往外
- The wind moved the trees gently back and forth.风吹得树轻轻地来回摇晃。
- He gave forth a series of works in rapid succession.他很快连续发表了一系列的作品。
n.解释,说明,描述;艺术处理
- His statement admits of one interpretation only.他的话只有一种解释。
- Analysis and interpretation is a very personal thing.分析与说明是个很主观的事情。
adv.完美地,无可非议地,彻底地
- The witnesses were each perfectly certain of what they said.证人们个个对自己所说的话十分肯定。
- Everything that we're doing is all perfectly above board.我们做的每件事情都是光明正大的。
v.悔悟,悔改,忏悔,后悔
- He has nothing to repent of.他没有什么要懊悔的。
- Remission of sins is promised to those who repent.悔罪者可得到赦免。
n.胆小,怯懦
- His cowardice reflects on his character.他的胆怯对他的性格带来不良影响。
- His refusal to help simply pinpointed his cowardice.他拒绝帮助正显示他的胆小。
adj.正直的,坦率的;易懂的,简单的
- A straightforward talk is better than a flowery speech.巧言不如直说。
- I must insist on your giving me a straightforward answer.我一定要你给我一个直截了当的回答。
adj.不吉利的,凶恶的,左边的
- There is something sinister at the back of that series of crimes.在这一系列罪行背后有险恶的阴谋。
- Their proposals are all worthless and designed out of sinister motives.他们的建议不仅一钱不值,而且包藏祸心。
n.敬畏,惊惧;vt.使敬畏,使惊惧
- The sight filled us with awe.这景色使我们大为惊叹。
- The approaching tornado struck awe in our hearts.正在逼近的龙卷风使我们惊恐万分。
a.真的,真正的;可靠的,可信的,有根据的
- This is an authentic news report. We can depend on it. 这是篇可靠的新闻报道, 我们相信它。
- Autumn is also the authentic season of renewal. 秋天才是真正的除旧布新的季节。
n.解释( interpretation的名词复数 );表演;演绎;理解
- This passage is open to a variety of interpretations. 这篇文章可以有各种不同的解释。 来自《简明英汉词典》
- The involved and abstruse passage makes several interpretations possible. 这段艰涩的文字可以作出好几种解释。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
n.谣言,谣传,传说
- The rumor has been traced back to a bad man.那谣言经追查是个坏人造的。
- The rumor has taken air.谣言流传开了。
v.空谈,唠叨,瞎扯;n.饶舌,多嘴,爱说话
- The young man had got the gift of gab.那个年轻小贩能说会道。
- She has the gift of the gab.她口才很好。
v.使震惊(astound的过去式和过去分词);愕然;愕;惊讶
- His arrogance astounded her. 他的傲慢使她震惊。
- How can you say that? I'm absolutely astounded. 你怎么能说出那种话?我感到大为震惊。
n.巨额利润;突然赚大钱,发大财
- Investors are set to make a killing from the sell-off.投资者准备清仓以便大赚一笔。
- Last week my brother made a killing on Wall Street.上个周我兄弟在华尔街赚了一大笔。
v.(使)旋转;n.大量,许多
- He slewed the car against the side of the building.他的车滑到了大楼的一侧,抵住了。
- They dealt with a slew of other issues.他们处理了大量的其他问题。
adj.勇敢的,英勇的;n.勇士,勇敢的人
- He had the fame of being very valiant.他的勇敢是出名的。
- Despite valiant efforts by the finance minister,inflation rose to 36%.尽管财政部部长采取了一系列果决措施,通货膨胀率还是涨到了36%。
v.杀死,宰杀,杀戮
- He intended to slay his father's murderer.他意图杀死杀父仇人。
- She has ordered me to slay you.她命令我把你杀了。
n.持续,地位;adj.永久的,不动的,直立的,不流动的
- After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
- They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。
adj.亵渎神明的,不敬神的
- The book was declared blasphemous and all copies ordered to be burnt.这本书被断定为亵渎神明之作,命令全数焚毀。
- The people in the room were shocked by his blasphemous language.满屋的人都对他那侮慢的语言感到愤慨。
n.紊乱,混乱;骚动,骚乱;疾病,失调
- When returning back,he discovered the room to be in disorder.回家后,他发现屋子里乱七八糟。
- It contained a vast number of letters in great disorder.里面七零八落地装着许多信件。
adj.适合;卫生的;有益健康的;显示身心健康的
- In actual fact the things I like doing are mostly wholesome.实际上我喜欢做的事大都是有助于增进身体健康的。
- It is not wholesome to eat without washing your hands.不洗手吃饭是不卫生的。
n.痛苦,苦恼,苦难;悲惨的境遇,贫苦
- Business depression usually causes misery among the working class.商业不景气常使工薪阶层受苦。
- He has rescued me from the mire of misery.他把我从苦海里救了出来。
adj.虔诚的;道貌岸然的
- Alexander is a pious follower of the faith.亚历山大是个虔诚的信徒。
- Her mother was a pious Christian.她母亲是一个虔诚的基督教徒。
n.火山爆发;(战争等)爆发;(疾病等)发作
- The temple was destroyed in the violent eruption of 1470 BC.庙宇在公元前1470年猛烈的火山爆发中摧毁了。
- The eruption of a volcano is spontaneous.火山的爆发是自发的。
n.亲和力,密切关系
- I felt a great affinity with the people of the Highlands.我被苏格兰高地人民深深地吸引。
- It's important that you share an affinity with your husband.和丈夫有共同的爱好是十分重要的。
n.传闻( rumor的名词复数 );[古]名誉;咕哝;[古]喧嚷v.传闻( rumor的第三人称单数 );[古]名誉;咕哝;[古]喧嚷
- Rumors have it that the school was burned down. 有谣言说学校给烧掉了。 来自《简明英汉词典》
- Rumors of a revolt were afloat. 叛变的谣言四起。 来自《简明英汉词典》
adj.传奇(中)的,闻名遐迩的;n.传奇(文学)
- Legendary stories are passed down from parents to children.传奇故事是由父母传给孩子们的。
- Odysseus was a legendary Greek hero.奥狄修斯是传说中的希腊英雄。
v.证实,支持(某种说法、信仰、理论等)( corroborate的过去式 )
- The evidence was corroborated by two independent witnesses. 此证据由两名独立证人提供。
- Experiments have corroborated her predictions. 实验证实了她的预言。 来自《简明英汉词典》
嘲讽( taunt的过去式和过去分词 ); 嘲弄; 辱骂; 奚落
- The other kids continually taunted him about his size. 其他孩子不断地耻笑他的个头儿。
- Some of the girls taunted her about her weight. 有些女孩子笑她胖。
感到羞愧的
- Parents are humiliated if their children behave badly when guests are present. 子女在客人面前举止失当,父母也失体面。
- He was ashamed and bitterly humiliated. 他感到羞耻,丢尽了面子。
adj.奢侈的;过分的;(言行等)放肆的
- They tried to please him with fulsome compliments and extravagant gifts.他们想用溢美之词和奢华的礼品来取悦他。
- He is extravagant in behaviour.他行为放肆。
adj.不可避免的,必然发生的
- Mary was wearing her inevitable large hat.玛丽戴着她总是戴的那顶大帽子。
- The defeat had inevitable consequences for British policy.战败对英国政策不可避免地产生了影响。
adj.往复的,再次发生的
- This kind of problem is recurring often. 这类问题经常发生。
- For our own country, it has been a time for recurring trial. 就我们国家而言,它经过了一个反复考验的时期。
n.劝说;说服;持有某种信仰的宗派
- He decided to leave only after much persuasion.经过多方劝说,他才决定离开。
- After a lot of persuasion,she agreed to go.经过多次劝说后,她同意去了。
v.(在石头上)磨(刀、斧等)( whet的过去式和过去分词 );引起,刺激(食欲、欲望、兴趣等)
- The little chicks had no more than whetted his appetite. 那几只小鸡只引起了他的胃口。 来自英汉文学 - 热爱生命
- The poor morsel of food only whetted desire. 那块小的可怜的喜糕反而激起了他们的食欲。 来自英汉文学 - 汤姆历险
n.狂喜,心醉神怡,入迷
- He listened to the music with ecstasy.他听音乐听得入了神。
- Speechless with ecstasy,the little boys gazed at the toys.小孩注视着那些玩具,高兴得说不出话来。
复得( regain的过去式和过去分词 ); 赢回; 重回; 复至某地
- The majority of the people in the world have regained their liberty. 世界上大多数人已重获自由。
- She hesitated briefly but quickly regained her poise. 她犹豫片刻,但很快恢复了镇静。
n.奴役,束缚
- Masters sometimes allowed their slaves to buy their way out of bondage.奴隶主们有时允许奴隶为自己赎身。
- They aim to deliver the people who are in bondage to superstitious belief.他们的目的在于解脱那些受迷信束缚的人。
adj.悲惨的,痛苦的;可怜的,糟糕的
- It was miserable of you to make fun of him.你取笑他,这是可耻的。
- Her past life was miserable.她过去的生活很苦。
痛苦的
- He was too distressed and confused to answer their questions. 他非常苦恼而困惑,无法回答他们的问题。
- The news of his death distressed us greatly. 他逝世的消息使我们极为悲痛。
n.(for)渴望
- Hearing the tune again sent waves of longing through her.再次听到那首曲子使她胸中充满了渴望。
- His heart burned with longing for revenge.他心中燃烧着急欲复仇的怒火。
n.病人,伤残人;adj.有病的,伤残的;无效的
- He will visit an invalid.他将要去看望一个病人。
- A passport that is out of date is invalid.护照过期是无效的。
adj.疯狂的;拥有的,占有的
- He flew out of the room like a man possessed.他像着了魔似地猛然冲出房门。
- He behaved like someone possessed.他行为举止像是魔怔了。
n.热诚;热心;炽热
- They were concerned only with their own religious fervor.他们只关心自己的宗教热诚。
- The speech aroused nationalist fervor.这个演讲喚起了民族主义热情。
adv.无限地,无穷地
- There is an infinitely bright future ahead of us.我们有无限光明的前途。
- The universe is infinitely large.宇宙是无限大的。
n.无用
- She could see the utter futility of trying to protest. 她明白抗议是完全无用的。
- The sheer futility of it all exasperates her. 它毫无用处,这让她很生气。
n.自白,供认,承认
- Her confession was simply tantamount to a casual explanation.她的自白简直等于一篇即席说明。
- The police used torture to extort a confession from him.警察对他用刑逼供。
adj.片刻的,瞬息的;短暂的
- We are in momentary expectation of the arrival of you.我们无时无刻不在盼望你的到来。
- I caught a momentary glimpse of them.我瞥了他们一眼。
n.离开正路,脱离常规,色差
- The removal of the chromatic aberration is then of primary importance.这时消除色差具有头等重要性。
- Owing to a strange mental aberration he forgot his own name.由于一种莫名的精神错乱,他把自己的名字忘了。
n.栗树,栗子
- We have a chestnut tree in the bottom of our garden.我们的花园尽头有一棵栗树。
- In summer we had tea outdoors,under the chestnut tree.夏天我们在室外栗树下喝茶。
v.伸出( poke的过去式和过去分词 );戳出;拨弄;与(某人)性交
- She poked him in the ribs with her elbow. 她用胳膊肘顶他的肋部。
- His elbow poked out through his torn shirt sleeve. 他的胳膊从衬衫的破袖子中露了出来。 来自《简明英汉词典》
n.肋骨( rib的名词复数 );(船或屋顶等的)肋拱;肋骨状的东西;(织物的)凸条花纹
- He suffered cracked ribs and bruising. 他断了肋骨还有挫伤。
- Make a small incision below the ribs. 在肋骨下方切开一个小口。
n.诡计,计策;诡计
- The children thought of a clever ruse to get their mother to leave the house so they could get ready for her surprise.孩子们想出一个聪明的办法使妈妈离家,以便他们能准备给她一个惊喜。It is now clear that this was a ruse to divide them.现在已清楚这是一个离间他们的诡计。