人物:80岁的简·方达-男人,电影与我的奇迹人生(3)

 She still misses her second husband, activist 1 Tom Hayden, who died in 2016. "He was brilliant. He was a movement star," Fonda says. 她仍然想念于2016年去世的第二任丈夫、维权人士汤姆·海登(Tom Hayden)。“他很聪明。他是一个运动明星，”方达说。

Still, it wasn't an easy marriage. "He made it hard to love him as a husband," she says. "He was a womanizer and an alcoholic 2." 尽管如此，这段婚姻并不容易。“他让我很难像爱丈夫一样爱他，”她说。“他是个好色之徒和酒鬼。”
Fonda says that when her career began to truly take of—she won a second Oscar for Coming Home, and her workout video was suddenly a bestseller—Hayden became detached. 方达说，当她的职业生涯真正开始——她因为《回家》获得第二个奥斯卡奖，她的健身视频突然成为最畅销的——海登与她分开了。
"Because he was lonely, he fell in love with somebody else," she says. "I'm glad he did, because it gave me an excuse to leave. I wouldn't have been able to otherwise." “因为孤独，他爱上了别人，”她说。“我很高兴他这么做了，因为这给了我一个离开的借口。否则我不可能做到。”
Fonda notes that she's still very close with Hayden's widow, Barbara, and their son Liam. "They're part of the family," she says. 方达说她和海登的遗孀芭芭拉以及他们的儿子利亚姆仍然非常亲密。“他们是家庭的一部分，”她说。
"I love them so much." Ted 3 Turner was the nicest guy ever—but she left him anyway. “我非常爱他们。”泰德·特纳是有史以来最好的男人，但她还是离开了他。
"He was handsome. He was sexy. He's brilliant," says Fonda of her billionaire media-mogul third husband, now 79. She embraced horse riding and flyfishing on his Montana ranch 4. “他很英俊。他很性感。也确实聪明。”方达说起她现年79岁的第三任丈夫、媒体大亨、亿万富翁。她在他的蒙大拿牧场上骑马和钓鱼。
Yet she realized she'd always have to put her own needs secondary to his—and that was no longer acceptable to her. 然而她意识到，她总是不得不把自己的需要置于他的之后，而这对她来说已经不再是可接受的了。
"There was an angel on my shoulder saying, 'If you stay, you will die without ever becoming who you can be,'" she says. " ‘You will not really be authentic 5.' " 她说：“有一个天使站在我的肩膀上，对我说，‘如果你留下来，你就会死去，永远也成不了你自己。’”“‘你不会真正做到真实。’”
She'll always feel sad that she wasn't a better mother. 她会一直为自己不是一个更好的母亲而感到难过。
Fonda admits her relationship with her three children —Vanessa Vadim and her kids with Hayden, Troy Garity and Mary Williams— has often been strained. 方达承认，她和三个孩子——凡妮莎·瓦迪姆(vanessa Vadim)以及她和海登(Hayden)、特洛伊·加里蒂(Troy Garity)和玛丽·威廉姆斯(Mary Williams)——的关系经常很紧张。
"I felt like I was a bad mother," Fonda says in the documentary, calling herself "terrified" as a young mom. But she's working on it. “我觉得自己是个坏妈妈，”方达在纪录片中说。她称自己刚做妈妈时“吓坏了”。但她正在努力。
"I am trying to make up for what I didn't know before," she has said. "I want them to love me, and I have to earn that."  She beat bulimia in her mid-40s and has never looked back. “我正在努力弥补我以前不知道的，”她说。“我希望他们爱我，这是我应得的。”她在45岁左右就战胜了暴食症，而且从未复发。
Fonda's struggle with eating disorders 6 began in her teens, when her father would criticize her weight. 方达与饮食失调的斗争开始于她十几岁的时候，那时她的父亲会批评她的体重。
"I heard my father say things about my body that have twisted my life in deep ways ever since," she says. 她说：“我听到父亲说我的身体，从那以后我的生活严重扭曲。”
As for conquering the disease, she says, "I realized that if I continued to be controlled by these addictions 7, my life would fall apart. 至于战胜这种疾病，她说，“我意识到，如果我继续被这些瘾所控制，我的生活就会崩溃。
As you get older, with each binge the fatigue 8, the hostility 9, the self-loathing lasts longer. I had a husband, children, a career...so I stopped cold turkey. It was so hard." 随着年龄的增长，每一次狂欢，疲劳，敌意，自我厌恶都会持续更长时间。我有丈夫，孩子，事业……所以，我一下子就戒了。这太难了。”
Her workout videos helped: They "gave me back a sense of control over my body . . . and that kind of cemented my ability to eat normally." 她的健身视频很有帮助：它们“让我重拾了对身体的控制力……这巩固了我正常饮食的能力。”
Her insecurities will always be with her, but they won't define her. "You can't banish 10 the mons," Fonda admit her lifelong feelings of inadequacy 11. 她的不安全感将永远伴随着她，但它们不会定义她。“你不能把摩门教徒赶出去，”方达承认她一生的不足感。
"They're still there, but you learn to put them in their corner and not let their voices be the governing voices." “他们还在那里，但你要学会把他们放在角落里，不要让他们的声音成为主导声音。”
She says she still has plenty more to learn-and she's happier than she's ever been. 她说她还有很多东西要学，而且她比以前更快乐了。
"I'm 80 years old. Half of my joints 12 are replaced. I won't live that much longer. But I'm really srtong now." “我80岁了。我一半的关节都换了。我活不了那么久了。但我现在真的很强大。”