六人行FriendsMP3 8-10

The One With Monica抯 Boots

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Teleplay by: Brian Buckner & Sebastian Jones
Story by: Robert Carlock
Transcribed 1 by: Eric Aasen


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[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is trying on a pair of new boots as Chandler enters.]

Monica: Hey! So what do you think?

Chandler: New haircut? (Monica nods 慛o.? Necklace? (No) Dress? (No) Boots? (Monica nods 慪es.? Boots!

Monica: Yes! Now, they抮e a little more than I normally spend on boots卭r rent (Shows him the receipt.)

Chandler: Oh my God!

Monica: I know.

Chandler: I抦 gonna miss being able to afford food.

Monica: I抦 sorry, they just, they just look so good! And the saleswoman was looking at me like, "Oh, these are way too expensive for you."

Chandler: She had a point. (Shows her the receipt.)

Rachel: (entering) Hi!

Monica: Hey.

Rachel: Oh my God! (Notices the boots) Oh Monica! Those boots are amazing!

Monica: They抮e mine!

Chandler: Yeah well, too bad we抮e gonna have to return them.

Rachel: Return them?! Shh! They抮e gonna hear you!

Monica: Honey, I抦 not returning them. Okay? I mean I-I know they cost a lot, but I抦 going to wear them all the time. You抣l see. Besides, I love the compliments. I mean, have you ever had something so beautiful everyone wanted it?

Chandler: I have you.

Monica: Nice try; I抦 keeping the boots.

Opening Credits

[Scene: Central Perk 2, Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel are sitting on the couch and Ross is talking to Rachel抯, who is now showing, stomach.]

Ross: That抯 right, I love you! And-and I抦 gonna play with you all the time.

Phoebe: How can you let him talk to your crotch like that?

Rachel: (pause) He抯 talking to the baby.

Phoebe: Ohh! Okay! Okay, cause when-when he said, "I can抰 wait to hear your first words," I thought, "There抯 a trick."

Rachel: Okay. Well, I gotta go you guys. I抣l see you later.

Phoebe: Okay.

Ross: Bye.

Rachel: Bye. (She gets up to leave but is stopped by Joey)

Joey: Oh hey Rach, listen桯i!

Rachel: Hi.

Joey: Umm, can you do me a favor? I was talkin?to my sister and she knows you work at Ralph Lauren?

Rachel: No, forget it! No way! I am not sending anymore Ralph Lauren clothes to prison. It is a waste.

Joey: No-no-no-no-no-no, not her, not her. My youngest sister, Dina, she抯 really interested in fashion, and she wants to talk to someone successful, y択now, to give her some advice.

Rachel: I guess I can talk to one of my supervisors 3?

Joey: Oh no-no-no-no, she wants to talk to you!

Rachel: Really?! Oh my God! I抦 successful!

Joey: Okay, so will you meet with her?

Rachel: Yes! I抎 love to! Have her come by the office.

Joey: Great! Thanks! You抮e gonna love her so much. And桹h, she抯 the smartest of all the Tribbiani children. Hey, y択now the S.A.T抯?

Rachel: Yeah.

Joey: She took 慹m!

(Joey goes to get coffee and Rachel exits as the camera pans to Phoebe and Ross on the couch.)

Phoebe: Hey Ross! Doesn抰 Ben go to the Smithfield Day School?

Ross: Yeah. Why?

Phoebe: Sting has a son that goes there too!

Ross: Yeah I know; he抯 in Ben抯 class.

Phoebe: You knew this and you never said anything?! With all the stupid dinosaur 5 stuff you tell us?!

Ross: Fine! No more dinosaur stuff! Can I talk about fossils? (Joey is about to sit down and hears this so instead he groans 7 and exits.)

Phoebe: Sting抯 son, seven years old and there抯 a picture.

Ross: What are you reading? The Kidnappers 8 Guide to Manhattan Private Schools?

Phoebe: No, it抯 New York magazine. It抯 an article about the best schools in the city. So how well do you know Sting?

Ross: Uh, I actually haven 9抰 even met him.

Phoebe: Uh-huh, yeah that抯 too bad. I really want to go to his concert Friday night, but it抯 totally sold out. I know! Why don抰 you meet him and get tickets?! If you get two I抣l take you.

Ross: Well actually, I抦 picking Ben up tomorrow, maybe he抣l be there.

Phoebe: There you go! Oh, you are so lucky! You might actually get to meet Sting tomorrow! That抯 why you have kids!

[Scene: Central Perk, the next day Rachel, Phoebe, and Chandler are there as Monica enters.]

Monica: Hey guys!

Chandler: Hey-hey.

Rachel: Hi Monica!

Monica: Hey. (Sits down on the arm of the couch.)

Rachel: Hi boots.

Monica: See Chandler? I抦 getting a lot of use out of them already! They抮e very practical. See, you can wear them with dresses, with skirts, with pants?

Chandler: You can wear them with shorts on a street corner and earn the money to pay for them. (Goes and gets some coffee at the counter.)

Phoebe: Wow! They抮e beautiful!

Rachel: Ahh?

Monica: (almost crying) They hurt so much!

Phoebe: What?!

Monica: The guy who made these hates feet and wants to see them die!

Rachel: Well-well you can give them to me! I haven抰 felt my feet in years!

Monica: I can抰! I spent so much money on them and I told Chandler that I抎 wear them all the time, I just can抰 give them away!

Phoebe: Well then get your money back and return them!

Monica: I can抰 do that either! The soles?are already a little scuffed 10 up and the insides are filled with my blood.

Ross: (entering) Hey!

Chandler: (returning to his seat) Hey!

Ross: Hey I uh just picked up Ben from school?

Chandler: (spinning around looking for him) I don抰 think you did a very thorough job!

Ross: I dropped him off at Carol抯. (To Phoebe) Anyway, it turns out that I抦 not going to be able to get those tickets though.

Phoebe: Oh no! Why not?

Ross: Well it turns out that Ben and Sting抯 son do not get along.

Phoebe: How come?!

Ross: Apparently 11, Sting抯 son made fun of the fact that Ben抯 moms are lesbinims.

Phoebe: Wait! But Ross if they don抰 get along then you should smooth things over. Make them be friends.

Ross: Phoebe, you can抰 force kids to be friends.

Phoebe: Sure you can! Give them some blocks, put them in a playpen!

Ross: Playpen?! Ben抯 seven!

Phoebe: Your kid is seven?! (Ross nods, "Yes.") (To the rest) He抯 really small. (To Ross) Please! Please get the tickets!

Ross: Look I抦 sorry Pheebs, I can抰 do it.

Phoebe: Yes you can! Sting says so himself!

Ross: What?

Phoebe: (singing) Rosssss can!

Ross: Look Phoebe, I抦 sorry it抯 just?

Phoebe: (singing) Rossss can!

Ross: Phoebe, I?

Phoebe: (singing) Rosss can! Give me the tickets! Ross can give me the tickets!!

(Ross runs out to get the tickets.)

[Scene: Rachel抯 Office, Joey has brought Dina to meet with Rachel.]

Joey: (entering, with Dina) Here she is! Future fashion superstar!

Rachel: Oh Joey, I抦 hardly a?

Joey: My little sister Dina!

Rachel: Right! Hi Dina!

Dina: Hi.

Rachel: Nice to meet you. (They shake hands.)

Dina: Thanks so much for meetin?with me. Joey抯 told me so much about you!

Joey: This is so exciting for her. Well, I抣l let you two fash卛sts get down to business. (Exits.)

Rachel: Okay. All right Dina, well let抯 talk about the different areas of fashion that you could get involved in. Let抯 see, there抯 design, but you may need a whole other degree for that. Uh, there抯-there抯 sales, which is great because you get to travel?

Dina: I匢 don抰 care about fashion! I抦 pregnant! And I know you are too, so you gotta help me!

Rachel: (stunned) And there抯 marketing 12?

[Scene: The Hallway, Monica is returning, but before she enters the apartment she stops on the step and changes from wearing tennis shoes to the boots and she moans in pain as she puts each boot on.]

Monica: (standing up) Ahhhhhhhh!

Chandler: (opening the door) What抯 wrong?

Monica: Oh nothing I抦 just梛ust was yawning. (Mimics the groan 6 from before and stretches.)

Chandler: Oh don抰 forget, my office holiday party is tonight. (They go into the apartment.)

Monica: Honey, we don抰 really have to go to this thing tonight do we?

Chandler: Now sweetie, I know you don抰 like my office parties, but you can wear your new boots. See? Every cloud has a卻upple leather lining 13.

Monica: I-I don抰-I don抰 think that I抦 gonna wear the boots tonight.

Chandler: Why not?

Monica: Well y択now, I抦 just-I抦 just worried that bosses will see them and think they pay you too much money. Or! Or your assistant will see them and-and want a raise!

Chandler: Do you think I work at some kind of boot pricing company?

Monica: Anyway, I picked up this outfit 14 that I want to wear and the, and the boots don抰 really go with it.

Chandler: You said that you paid all that money because those boots go with skirts, dresses, and pants!

Monica: Fine! If you want me to wear the boots, I抣l wear the boots. In fact, I抣l go into my room right now and y択now try the outfit on.

Chandler: Okay.

Monica: Okay? (She starts to walk which causes her to start crying) Ooo wee! Christmas party in my boots! (Runs into the bedroom and mixes saying 憃w?with laughing.)

[Scene: The Hallway, Rachel is about to enter her apartment with Dina to tell Joey the news.]

Dina: I-I can抰 go in there. I can抰 tell him!

Rachel: Honey, it抯 going to be okay. He抯 been incredibly supportive of me, and if he gets a little upset; that抯 what the meatball sub is for. (She gives Dina a sandwich wrapped in aluminum 15 foil.)

Dina: Thank you.

Rachel: Okay.

(They enter.)

Joey: Hey! It抯 my fashion girls! (They don抰 react.) What抯 wrong?

Rachel: Honey, why don抰 you sit down? Dina has something that she wants to tell you.

Joey: (concerned) Oh. What抯, what抯 going on? Is it mom? Is she sick? Is it dad抯 heart? Is that a sandwich?

Dina: Joe, mom and dad are fine?

Joey: Is that a sandwich?!

Rachel: Joey卼here抯 something that you卻hould know. Dina?

Dina: I抦 pregnant.

Joey: (angrily) What?!

Rachel: (To Dina) Now! Give him the sandwich! Give him the sandwich! (She quickly sets the sandwich in front of him.)

Joey: Well obviously this is a mistake! You can抰 be pregnant! Because you have to have sex to get pregnant!

Dina: Joe, I tried to wait until I was 25 like you did!

Rachel: What?! Dina?

Joey: (to Rachel) Bub!!! (Points at her and quiets Rachel.) (To Dina) I can抰 believe this! You抮e the good one! You went to college! Both years! Who did this to you?!

Dina: Bobby Corso, but he抯 a real nice guy. I like him a lot. He抯 real funny.

Joey: You got pregnant for funny?! Dina卛f he抯 funny卨augh! All right, I抣l be back in a little while! You stay here!

Dina: Why? Where are you going?

Joey: I can抰 look at you right now! (Exits and slams the door behind him.)

Dina: Wow.

Rachel: I know.

(Joey storms back in and covering his face so he doesn抰 see Dina grabs the sandwich and heads back out.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: The Midfield Day School, it抯 after school and Ben is taking a drink of water as Phoebe enters.]

Phoebe: Oh, there you are Ben!

Ben: Aunt Phoebe, what are you doing here?

Phoebe: Well, I heard you抮e having a problem with one of the boys in your class. And so I thought I would just come down here and sit you both down, have a little talk and make it all okay. Now umm, the boy抯 name is Sting抯 son.

Ben: Jack 16? I hate him! He抯 a jerk.

Phoebe: Now Ben, sometimes people may seem like jerks on the outside, but they have famous fathers.

Ben: I have to go. My friend Doug is waiting for me over there. (Goes over to Doug.)

Phoebe: Him you抮e friends with. (Starts looking at the children trying to find Jack and a teacher notices her.)

The Teacher: Excuse me. Can, can I help you with something?

Phoebe: Yes! Yes you can, I抦 looking for Jack抯 parents.

The Teacher: Are you with one of the students?

Phoebe: Uh-huh, I抦 with Ben.

The Teacher: Are you one of Ben抯 mothers?

Phoebe: I am one of Ben抯 mothers. I抦 a lesbian. It was, it was difficult coming out to my parents.

The Teacher: Well hi, I抦 Jenny Boone. I抦 the new teacher here.

Phoebe: Oh.

The Teacher: I抳e only met your partner Carol.

Phoebe: Ah! Okay so that would make me Susan.

The Teacher: Right. Are you looking for Jack抯 parents to discuss the problems he抯 having with Ben? (Phoebe nods 慪es.? Yeah. Because I really do think the parents should sit down and have a conversation.

Phoebe: Yeah! Let抯 do that!! That-that sounds good. We should sit down and talk, just me, my lover Carol, and the Stings. Umm, how-how will I get in touch with them?

The Teacher: Oh, their number is on the contact sheet.

Phoebe: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Umm, could-could I get a copy of that? 慍ause Carol threw it out, she lost ours. She抯 such a scatterbrain, but man what a hot piece of ass 4.

[Scene: A Street, Chandler and Monica are walking down the sidewalk after his office holiday party.]

Chandler: Y択now, that party wasn抰 bad.

Monica: Yeah! I didn抰 know there would be dancing. That was a fun surprise!

Chandler: I don抰 see any uh, cabs. Maybe we should just walk?

Monica: Oh no, we can抰 walk!

Chandler: What honey, it抯 like fifteen blocks to the subway. Let抯 go.

Monica: Hey! Do you think that we can get to the subway right there if we climb down through the manhole cover?

Chandler: What抯 going on?

Monica: I can抰 walk. Okay? Okay? These boots were a huge mistake!

Chandler: What?

Monica: Okay you were right! All right, I never should have bought them! They抮e killing 18 me! One toe at a time!

Chandler: So I was right. This is what it feels like to be right. (Pause) It抯 oddly unsettling.

Monica: How are we gonna get home? Maybe a piggy-back ride?

Chandler: Hop 19 on.

Monica: Okay. Wait, just give me a second, I need to just get my boots off first. (She starts taking them off.) Ah匫oh匫ohh匫hh匫h God匫hh匫h匫hh匫hhhh?

Chandler: Honey, I know you抮e in pain right now, but I抦 a little turned on.

[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Dina and Rachel are reading pregnancy 20 books, Dina Pregnancy for Dummies 21 and Rachel something else.]

Dina: Do you ever worry that you抣l be walking and your baby will just like slip out?

Rachel: What college was that Dina?

(Joey enters dragging a guy.)

Dina: Oh my God! Bobby!

Bobby: Hi Dina. Good to see you.

Rachel: Joey, what are you doing?

Joey: Just what needs to be done! Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to join this man and this woman?

Rachel: Oh Joey this is crazy!

Joey: Don抰 interrupt me when I抦 talkin?to God! Now where were we? Oh right, okay. Do you Dina, take this man?

Dina: No!

Joey: Oh you抣l take 慹m!

Dina: No I won抰!

Joey: Hey! You don抰 get a say in this!

Dina: Yes I do!

Joey: Ahhh! I heard "I do", we抮e halfway 22 there! Okay! (To Bobby) You!

Rachel: All right Joey! That is enough! (Grabs him and pulls him away from Bobby and Dina) Listen, as beautiful and moving as this ceremony is, it抯 not legal. Okay? They-they don抰 have a marriage license 23, they don抰 have any witnesses, and the groom 24 only has on one shoe!

Bobby: Yeah, he took the other one off and hit me with it.

Joey: Well what am I supposed to do?

Rachel: You抮e supposed to realize that they are adults! And that they can make their own decisions.

Joey: No they can抰! They were stupid enough to get knocked up!

Rachel: Heyyyyy! Contraceptives are not always effective! (To Bobby and Dina) Right?

Bobby: Yeah厀e kinda didn抰 use any?

Rachel: Oh, come on kids! A little help here!

[Scene: Sting抯 Apartment, Phoebe has come to talk about Jack and is waiting for Sting抯 wife, Trudie Styler, to enter.]

Phoebe: Wow! This place is incredible! (Gasps) Sting抯 pen卼hat he gave to Phoebe. (Puts the pen in her purse and goes over to a floor-to-ceiling bookcase) Come on! Secret passageway! (Starts pulling books at random 25 as Trudie enters.)

Trudie Styler: Hi! (By the way, it抯 actually her.)

Phoebe: Hi!

Trudie Styler: I抦 Trudie.

Phoebe: Uh-huh.

Trudie Styler: You must be Ben抯 mum.

Phoebe: Why else would I be here?

Trudie Styler: Do sit down.

Phoebe: Uh-huh. (They go and sit down.)

Trudie Styler: I gather Jack and Ben haven抰 been getting along lately.

Phoebe: Yeah.

Trudie Styler: I抦 told there are two sides to this story, but all I抳e heard is that Ben抯 a bit of a poo-poo head.

Phoebe: Umm, I抦 sorry. Won抰-won抰 Jack抯 father be joining us?

Trudie Styler: Oh I抦 sorry, Jack抯 father is not available.

Phoebe: Uh-hmm. Okay. Well then, could we reschedule? For say, Friday night perhaps at 8 o抍lock?

Trudie Styler: Oh no, I know that wouldn抰 work. My husband抯 in concert.

Phoebe: Concert. Yeah. That does put us in卶uite a pickle 26. Because you see I抦 very busy before and after the concert, and he抯 obviously busy during.

Trudie Styler: So, I guess you and I should talk about Jack and Ben right now.

Phoebe: Unless! Unless umm, okay I-I would be willing to go to the concert, umm, all the while thinking about the children of course.

Trudie Styler: Are you here for tickets?

Phoebe: Oh, thank you. Four would be great.

Trudie Styler: I抦 not giving concert tickets to someone who抎 use their son like this!

Phoebe: Oh good! Then you抮e in luck! Ben抯 not my son!

Trudie Styler: (stands up) Look, I抳e just pressed a button, triggering a silent alarm. Any minute now, the police will be here!

Phoebe: The Police? Here? A reunion?! (She gets out her camera.)

[Scene: The Street, Chandler is carrying Monica past a store window.]

Chandler: Okay, ten blocks down. Five to go.

Monica: (notices something in the window) Oh wait! Stop! Stop! Stop!

Chandler: Oh I抦 sorry! Do you need a break?

Monica: My boots in tan! Hey! Can you get a little closer so I can see the price?

Chandler: I can see it from right here. It抣l cost you one husband.

Monica: Okay, I抦 sorry. I think I can walk the rest of the way now. Just-just give me my boots.

Chandler: (pause) I don抰 have your boots.

Monica: Well I don抰 have them either. Where are they?

Chandler: Well, why don抰 you check in one of my saddlebags while I chew on a bale of hay!

Monica: Okay. (She gets off him.) God well, we gotta go back and get them!

Chandler: Honey, are you seriously ever gonna wear the boots again?

Monica: Okay, I抦 never gonna wear them again. I just didn抰 get a chance to say goodbye.

Chandler: Y択now what? You can say goodbye to the tan ones.

Monica: Okay. (Climbs back on his back.) All right.

Chandler: Okay. (Moves closer to the window.)

Monica: (to the boots) Bye boots梂ait! Half off?! (Chandler runs off.)

[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Rachel are still discussing Bobby and Dina抯 situation.]

Rachel: Joey, just because they抮e not getting married doesn抰 mean this is going to be a disaster. Maybe they have a plan!

Joey: Oh? Oh! Okay! Okay! Let抯 hear their plan! Now, what抯 the future look like for Dina and Bobby?

Bobby: Well匢 really have high hopes for my band.

Joey: (to Dina) You were right. He is funny.

Rachel: Hey, now wait a minute! I get when you told people at first that you wanted to be an actor they laughed at you! Now come on Bobby, why don抰 you tell us a little bit about your band?

Bobby: Well it抯 just me and my pal 27 Rooster, the band抯 name is Numb 17 Nuts.

Rachel: (To Dina) Really? (Nods her head at Bobby.)

Joey: Dina, if you抮e having a baby you should be married! Even if it is to Bobby! (Bobby gets happy.) Dude, that抯 not a compliment!

Dina: No Joey! I knew you wouldn抰 be supportive!

Joey: So whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! What are you gonna do? You抮e gonna have the baby and-and raise it by yourself厀ithout a husband?! You can抰 be a single mother alone! You抮e gonna ruin your life!

Rachel: Oh excuse me! Am I ruining my life?

Joey: No! No! No! It抯 different for you. You抮e so strong and together. You抮e not some dumb kid who doesn抰 know what she抯 doing.

Dina: Excuse me?

Joey: One pregnant woman at a time, please! I just want you to be okay.

Rachel: So forcing her to marry Bobby is gonna make that happen?

Joey: Maybe! (To Bobby) Well! Well卻o-so uh, what kind of music does Numb Nuts桹h forget it! I can抰!

Dina: Joey, I am scared to death about this. But I really think I can do it, I抦 just gonna need some help. And Bobby抯 gonna be here the whole time.

Bobby: You bet I am! (To Joey) And to answer your earlier question, we抮e straight-up gangster 28 rap. (Joey shakes his head as if he抯 about to lose it.)

Dina: Look, Rachel抯 told me how much easier you抳e made all this on her. Why can抰 you do that for me?

Joey: Because! 慍ause?慍ause you抮e my baby sister!

Dina: And you抮e my big brother! I mean, you抮e my favorite guy in the whole world. I抦 not even scared to tell mom and dad. I was scared of telling you.

Joey: Well I抎 be scared of them, but all right.

Dina: Joey, I can抰 stand the thought of having this baby with you mad at me. I want him to have his uncle. Is my baby gonna have his Uncle Joey?

Joey: Of course he抯 gonna have his Uncle Joey!

Dina: We抮e gonna be all right. I mean, even if we抮e not married this baby is gonna be so loved. Not just by us.

Joey: That抯 right! By his uncle too!

Bobby: And by you.

Rachel: Okay Bobby, why don抰 we just come over here and let them have a little moment. (Drags Bobby away from Joey and Dina.)

Joey: Come here! (Hugs Dina and Bobby looks to hug Rachel.)

Rachel: No! Seriously! What抯 wrong with you?!

Closing Credits

[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Ross are there.]

Ross: You抮e gonna love me so much. I got Sting tickets!! (Holds up two.)

Phoebe: Oh my God! I do love you! How did you do it?!

Ross: Well卨et抯 just say?(singing) Rosss caaaaan!

Phoebe: Oo, where are the seats?

Ross: Uh, middle balcony.

Phoebe: Okay, now would you say that that抯 more than 50 yards away from Sting, his wife, or a member of his family?

Ross: Yeah.

Phoebe: Then that抯 not breaking the law! I抦 there!

End


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